Falling in love with James Potter
by stargarnet
Summary: Just a story on how Lily fell for James
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first chapter fic I'm posting, please be nice and help...**

**Um, am I actually breaking a rule by making this T?**

**Thanks for your support, should there be any...**

**Disclaimer(i need 1, right?): I don't own the characters or anything, they belong to J.K. Rowling...**

Chapter 1

"Hey, Lils, where's Snape?" Colette Prewett smiled as she bounced into Lily's compartment, accompanied by Andromeda Black, Marietta Clearwater, Lucy Abbott and Rosalie Brown. Lily pushed back her hair, frowning, and said shortly, "We had a fight."

"Aw, Lily, why d'you even _talk_ to him?" Rosalie whined in her childish, nasal voice. Lily Evans winced. She had never appreciated Rosalie's 'sympathy' and never particularly favoured her voice.

"He's my _friend_, Rose, he was my first Hogwarts friend..." she sighed softly, peering at her friends with her startlingly gorgeous green eyes.

"Cheer up, Lils," Marietta said softly with a kind smile. "Now, who wants to see what Mom got me for the Christmas Ball?" Colette, Andromeda, Lucy and Rosalie cheered, but Lily just gave them a weak smile, "I have to change, we're almost at Hogwarts and I'm still in my jeans." Her friends shrugged.

"Okay," Colette offered. "How about we go see if we can get to the trolley witch first so you can change?" "Thanks," Lily replied with a smile. Her friends trooped out and she pulled out her black robes from her school trunk.

Five years, and Tuney _still_ hadn't accepted her. Called her a _freak_. It hurt.

She looked at her vague, faint reflection in the glass of the window as the scenery whisked by, pristine and untouched by Muggle's hands. She saw a young girl of sixteen, with a clear, creamy complexion, softly curling red hair like flames, glinting in the light, framing a delicate face set with beautiful emerald-green eyes, peering from below sweetly curled scarlet lashes. Her red hair made her resemble the Prewetts or Weasleys, but her eyes were green, not brown or blue. And she was a _Mudblood_, not a _Pureblood_.

She was small; not petite and fragile and fairy-like, like porcelain, but slender and small and elegant. She was a late bloomer. She had been pretty in first and second, third and fourth year, but in her fifth year, she was acknowledged as beautiful, and in sixth year, the girls whispered behind her back – she was drop-dead gorgeous. Her profile was sharp and sweet, and her fiery locks fell in loose curls to her slender waist. Her hour-glass figure complimented her small breasts and hips, and her hands were small, fingers long and graceful. Her slim but full lips were in semi-pout, scarlet. She never wore make-up, except on special occasions, and frowned when her sister meticulously daubed rose on her cheeks and lips, and azure on her heavy lids every morning, and powder to soften the blow of her weak chin and horsey teeth.

Her neck was long and graceful as she traced her fingers across it. She didn't believe she was beautiful. She pulled off her navy-blue turtle-neck sweater, and her skinny jeans, leaving herself in a thin-strapped tank-top shirt and tight shorts. She shivered and dragged on her robes, and pulled her curly thick locks into a neat ponytail.

She snapped her trunk close, and heard the compartment door slide open.

"Evans!" she heard his cheerful voice say.

Without even turning around, she twiddled her wand, putting a locking charm on her trunk, and said clearly, "Show yourself the way out, Potter, I'm sure your thick head can manage that much."

It was him again. Good Merlin, couldn't he leave her _alone_?

James Potter, that jerk, was a stuck-up, arrogant toe-rag. He was a bighead idiot who everyone admired. She and Severus were the only ones that saw him as who he was. A self-centred, think-he's-so-great git. Nearly every boy was jealous of him – Quidditch Captain, Seeker, leader of the most popular group, smart and handsome, and pretty much every girl's dream. Well, nearly every girl. Lily Evans _hated_ him, but everyone – including himself – said that he was dead in love with her. She hated to admit, but it was probably true. He'd been on her trail since first year.

"Aw, Evans, give me a break! Are you ever going to loosen up a bit?" Potter smiled as he flopped down next to her. She ignored him. His click sauntered in as well – Peter Pettigrew, Lily hated him; Sirius Black, Andromeda's brother, he was a jerk, she hated him too; and last of all was Remus Lupin, and he was the most decent of them all.

Potter put his hand on her elbow, but she jerked it off violently and shot him a look of pure hatred."Don't _touch_ me," she snarled. "Get out!" Potter gave her a faux heart-broken look, and Black released a bark-like laugh.

"Are you a _prude_, Evans?" he grinned, flicking back his shaggy black hair. Lily scowled and pulled out her wand. "_Out_," she said firmly. Potter shrugged, and dragged his friends out, sending Lily a longing glance as she rolled her eyes in annoyance. The moment she left, girls came surging in: Melanie Malfoy, Louisa Finnigan, Michelle and Nora Thomas, Alysha Patil, Mabel Boot, Jennifer and Peggy Parkinson, and all the rest, from third-years to seventh-years. Lily groaned.

"Oh Merlin, did you see _James Potter_?" "Was Sirius Black here?" "They're so _hot_!" "What did they say?" "Evans, you are so _lucky_!" Andromeda, Colette, Lucy, Rosalie and Marietta hastily squeezed in and shoved the girls outside, slamming the door closed.

"What was that?" Andromeda demanded. Lily sighed. "Potter and his friends being jerks again. Merlin's beard, he just won't leave me alone!"

"Oh, _Lils_," Rosalie wailed. "Why don't you just date Potter? You know he fancies you! Every girl out there wants him!" Lily rolled her eyes. A lovely first day of Hogwarts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ha ha, here's the second chapter already, but it's going to be alot slower than this, I'm afraid, later on.**

**Thanks...?**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

Chapter 2

Merlin, why won't Potter go chase another of his sick fans? I'm bloody _tired_ of him!

I plump up my pillows and ran a hand through my hair. I scowl. It already has knots of tangles in it. I decide to ignore it and run my fingers over the smooth softness of my pillow. My friends don't understand why I talk to Severus. He's a friend, nothing more, but he was my first magic friend, and I don't want to lose him, but he's slipping through my fingers.

I scowl, more deeply this time. Who cares if he's a Slytherin? _Andromeda_ is from Slytherin. Colette and Rosalie are from Gryffindor, like me and that _git_ Potter, and Lu's from Hufflepuff and Marietta is from Ravenclaw.

I recall Black – Black, not Andromeda, her stupid brother, the older one – saying, "_Are you a prude, Evans?_" I cringe. Nearly _every_ Slytherin girl gets laid by third year, they're all sluts; Ravenclaw by fourth year, most of them are downright sexy; Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs by fifth year. Slytherin, the whores, are _disgraced_ if they haven't been shagged by fourth year. Everyone comes to Hogwarts a virgin; and nearly everyone leaves having been laid at least three times.

I'm probably the only virgin in this level.

I push back my heavy curls.

Potter could probably have any girl in this school he wanted. And he just had to choose me. I knew he was an idiot. Nearly every girl would die to be in my place. I'd die to be out of it. But I have to acknowledge he _is_ handsome – though I'll never admit it to his face. He has a light tan – I've never liked tans, but he looks so good in it; his lips are like rose, so enticing; his cologne a smell I have craved my whole life; his eyes are a rich, deep brown, and I've always loved that colour; his hair is black as coal and windswept, and I find it so arousing, but I'd never tell him that – he's really just a conceited, arrogant bully.

That's it. I really can't sleep. I glance at my watch on the side-table – 3.47 a.m. Maybe I'll go for a walk. I change out of my fleecy nightgown and into a rather low-cut emerald-green blouse and black tights, and I pull my school cloak around my shoulders. Shoving my feet into my socks and sneakers, I creep down the hall.

I take silent strides down the corridor, down to the school gardens, by the Black Lake. The grass is dewy and lush, and the air is cold and crisp. I strip of my socks and shoes and leave them by a pillar. When I pad through the grass, I look up. The sky is navy-blue, smooth, like velvet, sprinkled with tiny stars, and wisps of pearly cloud shrouds a full moon, reflecting the dark waters of the lake.

Suddenly I bump into something. I stifle a shriek as I fall backwards, only to be saved from the impact by a bruising grip on my forearm. I look up in shock. James Potter is there, his mouth gaping. His dark messy hair conceals his shadowed face partially.

"Evans! What are you doing here?" he asks. I wrench my arm from his grip and draw myself to my full height – which isn't the most impressing. "_I_," I say in my most mature tone, "am taking a walk."

He chuckles and I scowl. "Really, Evans? Not you, surely, not the _perfect_ prefect Lily Evans, out after hours?" My frown deepens, and I turn on my heel, striding away. "H-Hey, Evans, wait up!" he calls, coming after me. I'm walking very fast; nearly running, really; but Potter, _unfortunately_, has very long legs – I barely reach his nose – and it doesn't take him long to catch up. I try to make a swift duck away, but he grabs my upper arm.

"Hey, why don't I walk you back to your dorm? I'm going the same way, I'm in your house," he smiles in his charming way. I don't fall for it.

"No," I say shortly, tugging my arm, but he maintains a firm grip. "You don't even have your wand, do you?" he grins. I open my mouth to make a smart retort, when I realize he's right. Shit! I must have left my wand under my pillow! He grins wider, and his thumb starts making circles on my arm. I don't like that it's him doing it, but it _does_ feel comfortable. Self-control helps me try to jerk my arm away. Stop thinking like that, Lils! I scold myself.

Potter is twiddling his wand in his long fingers. "Looks like I've got you at my mercy, Evans," he smirks. I scowl. "Don't scowl like that, Evans, it spoils your looks," he grins in a casual way, and I scowl deeper and try to tug away. He makes a disapproving noise, though he's still smiling, with a mischievous glint in his dark eyes. "Don't be _naughty_, now, Evans."

For the first time, I feel a slight tingle of fear. I'm alone at four o' clock in the morning with a hormonal teenage boy that lusts after me.

_Without_ my wand.

I attempt to hide my fear as I start trying to wriggle out of his grip. "Oh no," he taunts. "Stay still, my love." "Don't call me that!" I spit, struggling fiercely, the fear eating at me more and more. His grip tightens as he makes the same disapproving noise, shaking his head.

"Ooh, naughty, naughty. Stay still, Evans, or do I have to _make_ you?" he grins, speaking to me in a tone as one would with a child who has been caught stealing cookies, emphasising his second last word. My breath catches in my throat a little as I hiss, "Let me _go_, Potter!" He shakes his head again, grin in place, and this time he lifts his wand. My breath hitches as he mutters something. "_Incarcerous._" Ropes, slender but strong, snake themselves across my wrists, binding them together, attached with a rope, now grasped in Potters hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked incredulously, fear evident in my voice.

He ignores my question. "Now, what will I do with you?" he says softly, dropping the rope from his hand. The rope lifts into the air, leaving my elbows bent as I struggle to pull away, but it is unrelenting. My breath quickens. "What to do with you?" _Yes, what?_ I say to myself silently as I break into cold sweat. His fingertips skim my exposed collarbone. My struggles increase in urgency as they fall from my neck down my spine and gently take off as he circles me like prey. I avoid his eyes as his face comes close to mine, still struggling vehemently with the ropes. My breath comes out in rapid, raspy draws. I refuse to look at him as a long, slender, masculine hand comes to brush a lock of red hair from my face.

"Get away from me!" I yell, pulling away. He drops his hand in an almost dejected way. My eyes avoid his face. Nothing happens. I look up. "Potter?" I say softly. His face looks sad, his lips lightly pursed, almost reminding me of a lost puppy. His eyes avoid mine, and I say gently, "_James_?" He looks up at me, and when our eyes connect, I feel a strange warmth.

"Lily," he replies softly, and all I can think about is how wonderful it sounds coming from his lips, and how dark his quivering lashes are above his beautiful eyes as he draws closer and closer... I am the one to make the first move.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to the person who answered my question. I'm not fussy about rules, but I don't like the consquences or making someone unhappy, so yeah...**

**Sorry this is short, but that's all I got till awhile.**

**Do I still need this? Disclaimer: Own nothing own nothing own nothing**

Chapter 3

Lily made an 'mm' sound as she sleepily spread raspberry jam over her buttered bread as Rosalie chattered on like there was no tomorrow. She yawned. "Seriously, Rosalie, shut up!" Colette muttered irritably as she took a bite of her plum, spurting juice onto her toast. "Oh, look out, Lils, he's here."

All trace of sleepiness left Lily. _Him_.

Good Merlin.

Was last night a dream? She carefully cast a wary glance his way. He was looking at her quietly, peeling an orange, a thoughtful look in his eyes. He smiled gently when her eyes fell on him, and she quickly looked away. She heard Sirius say jovially, "James, what's wrong with you today? Remus didn't do anything to you last night did he?" He elbowed the messy-haired boy in the ribs. James looked around, annoyed.

"Oh, alright, let's go to the Quidditch Field, then," James sighed. Lily slowly and deliberately chewed her bread, refusing to look around when she felt his eyes burn holes through the back of her neatly-brushed red locks.

"Lily!" Rosalie had been saying loudly. "Huh?" Lily muttered as she snapped out of her stupor of resisting the urge to turn around.

"You got some hair on your toast and it's getting jammy."

"Oh."

...

"Twenty points to Gryffindor!" Slughorn bellowed in delight. "Why, Miss Evans, this is a perfect piece of work! Marvellous, marvellous!"

"What, did you expect anything less from me, Professor?" Lily smiled in her trademark cheeky grin. Slughorn chuckled at his favourite student and moved on, this time frowning on Colette, who was sitting next to Lily, with a bright neon yellow, bulbous thing that looked suspiciously like a knobbly balled-up sock sitting in a pool of clear substance in her cauldron, a great contrast to Lily's beautifully done Draught of Living Death.

Colette moaned as Slughorn moved on to the next pair. "Merlin, Lils, must you get everything right?" Lily shrugged thoughtfully as she measured several millilitres of potion into a small glass vial.

A flicker of movement caught her eye and she enveloped the small paper bird in her hand before Colette could see anything. Her face darkened a shade. It was a charmed paper dove, lovebird, with the scent of crushed blackberries and fresh pine-trees – Potter's smell. She looked at it carefully under her desk.

_Evans -_

_Last night, what was that? No-one knows yet._

_Meet me at the Black Lake tonight? Don't bring anyone._

_-J. Potter_

Emerald eyes found chocolate ones around the classroom. She nodded her head a fraction of an inch.

...

**She bent forward, her rather messy, thick cascade of dark curls falling forward as she captured his lips in hers. He tasted just like he smelt, and better – the sweet tart blackberry, the intoxicating pine, and reminded her ever-so-faintly at the back of her mind of fresh crisp snow. Hs lips were warm and soft. Her eyes fluttered close as her mind drew a blank, and senses overrode her.**

**His hands, calloused from years of Quidditch practice but soft and gentle in his movements, slipped around her slender waist, crossing over her back and drawing her to his chest. It felt so good. The ropes slipped easily from her delicate wrists, and came to ruffle the messy coal-black hair she secretly adored, as she moaned softly. Then suddenly she realised what she was doing. For a moment, she remembered who she was – who he was. For a moment, her brain started to work. For a moment she stopped responding, shell-shocked, before abruptly pulling away.**

**She fled, leaving a speechless, blank-faced and dreamy-eyed James Potter behind.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is the next chapter, I'm sorry I'm slow...**

**Ahem, I have never read a Lily James fanfic before, so this was actually a very rash and crazy and stupid idea, can someone maybe please recommend something...?**

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

Chapter 4

"Hi, Sev," I smile at Severus, adjusting my books on my hip as I approach my friend.

He turns his face to me, the special smile he reserves for me curled at the edges of his lips as he runs his long pale fingers through his greasy long black hair. His sallow skin looks nicer, more human in the afternoon sunlight.

"Hello, Lily," he says, his charcoal eyes landing on me. "I... I'm sorry I didn't sit with you on the train this year."

"It's alright," I say, flipping my red hair, trying to act nonchalant. "I don't mind." But I _do_. It makes me feel sad, as though he doesn't want me as a friend, as though I mean nothing to him because I am a Gryffindor or a Mudblood. "Want to take a walk?"

He takes a quick side-glance through his hair. I take a quick look in the same direction, and a small frown creases between my eyebrows. Avery, Mulciber, and a whole lot of other evil Slytherin friends of his are sauntering over. "No!" His harsh reply breaks my train of thought. "Go away," he snaps.

I swallow. "_Fine_," I hiss, and flounce off. When I look back, he's surrounded by his friends, and he's sending me a discrete, apologetic look. I just hope he can read that what he just did was unforgivable in my expression.

I flop down on the grass miserably. Merlin! I cared for him, talked to him, helped him, defended him, I was his _real_ friend for five years, and he's pretending to hate me for his stupid Slytherin friends! I was his friend, for Merlin's sake! I was the one who defended him all this time! Everyone would ask me why I was still friends with him, why I still talked with him... Rage burns in me stronger in every passing moment.

Well, he'll bloody well have to get down on his _knees_ and _beg_ for my forgiveness if he wants it!

Raucous laughter rings through the air. My eyes snap up. Oh Merlin. I'm in no mood for _him_. Him and his _stupid_ Marauders! Shoving my books into my sling bag, I stomp up to my Common Room.

Colette and Rosalie are there – talking, as usual. I chuck my bag on the couch and storm upstairs into the empty girls' dorm I share with Colette, Rosalie, Mary Macdonald and Alice Waffling. "Lils?" Colette asks hesitantly as she pokes her head through the door. "Is something wrong?"

An angelic expression comes over my face. "No, why would something be wrong?" I reply in a sugary sweet voice before roaring, "Of course there's bloody something wrong! Get the _hell_ out and leave me alone!" I raise my wand threateningly to prove my point. She gulps and disappears.

I slump down onto my bed and an agonized scream falls from my lips. Then the anger dissipates, and all that's left is sorrow. My friend... my own _friend_, and my first magical one at that! He pretends not to like me... he pretends I am nothing to him... he... he...

All of a sudden I realize I'm crying. It's silent, but I can feel the warmth, slowly freezing to coldness as they slide down my cheeks. No use crying – I'd figured that out long ago. I have no one here. No one to comfort me or love me properly, like Mum, or Dad, or hell, _Petunia_. I learnt never to show your vulnerability – comes from being enemies with Slytherin bastards. And I learnt not to show all I've got. Also from Slytherin. My, my, aren't they instructive?

...

"Go away," I mumble. The shaking continues. "Go _away_." Can't anyone tell when a girl needs her beauty sleep? "What the hell do you want!" I scream, bolting upright. The next sight causes me to backtrack.

Colette looks ready to have a heart-attack. "Um, there's Charms class in ten minutes," she squeaked.

I smile sheepishly. "Er, thanks..." I swing myself off the bed. I must have dozed off. I glance at the clock on the wall. I must have slept for at least half an hour. I hastily check my timetable. An hour of Charms, dinner and bedtime. Okay.

I saunter into the empty girls' bathroom and look in the mirror, scowling. My face is blotchy and my hair looks like a rat's nest. Too lazy to brush it out properly, I straighten it with my wand, wash my face and send my books sweeping into my bag with a useful little sweep of the wand. You pick up things around Dumbledore.

On the way down, I see girls and boys alike collecting around the school notice board. I have to crane my neck – given my size – to glimpse the poster. Not that I really needed it. Rosalie was squealing about it like, well... Rosalie.

_Halloween Ball_

_For third to seventh years – a Masquerade Halloween Ball on the 30__th__ October! Come dressed in your finest costumes and masks! All are welcomed! Third-years and above are encouraged to bring dates, including first and second years._

_Date: 30__th__ October_

_Time: 7 p.m. to 12 p.m. (masks to be removed at 12)_

_Venue: Great Hall_

I smile softly. I love masquerades.

The bell rings. Oh shit – I'm late. Sprinting to the Charms classroom with a horde of students in her Charms class, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, I arrive in the classroom out of breath. "Settle down, settle down!" Professor Flitwick squeaked as I take my place next to Colette. "Now, today we will be practicing the _Avis_ Charm. Please split into pairs and practice the incantation: _Avis Oppugno_. This spell will create birds that will attack your friend, who will have to put up a shield with what you learn in your Defence Against the Dark Arts: _Protego_. Pair up as the following: Mary Macdonald and Peter Pettigrew; Colette Prewett and Andrew Goldstein; Alice Waffling and Frank Longbottom; Rosalie Brown and Sirius Black; Lily Evans and Remus Lupin; Elizabeth Turpin and James Potter; Marietta Clearwater and..."

Lupin was chuckling slightly at Black's horrified expression as Rosalie bounced over. I come and sit next to Lupin with a polite smile – he's decent enough, and we're on civil terms.

"You go first," Lupin offers courteously, skilfully summoning up a powerful Shield Charm. I nod. "_Avis_!" I hiss. A stream of half-a-dozen flame-red birds dart towards Lupin, screeching as they bounce off his shield before attacking again till they find a weakness in the translucent blueness and began ravaging Lupin. I quickly call off the birds.

"Fifteen points to Gryffindor, Miss Evans, very good! And another ten for Mister Lupin, an expert shield charm that was!" Flitwick squeaked as he bounced by. I grin.

My wand allows me to excel in Charms, though my Shield Charm was rather simple. When Lupin's birds take five minutes to break through my shield, we both sit down.

A white dove glides over our heads and drops something into my lap. A scarlet rose.

My eyes connected with James Potter's as girls sighed dreamily over the classroom.

...

I frown slightly, debating. I flicker a glance at my watch. 11.31 p.m. Damn, I really have to go. I look at Severus again. I mean, he threatened to sleep outside the Fat Lady's portrait all night for me, maybe I should forgive him. I sigh.

"All right, Sev, I forgive you," I smile. Joy lights up in his sallow face, before it falls. "Erm," he squirms a little, and my smile falters, before he says, "Do you – do you mind if I go to the Halloween Ball this year with Clara Greengrass? She's a year below us, and, um, I promised her I would, um, go with... her..." My smile vanishes completely before I plaster on a fake warm smile.

"No, of course, Severus!" I exclaim. "Please don't feel guilty, I'm sure you'd make a perfect pair, really... I'll just go stag or something... Um, I need to - need to go." My voice is getting thick, but he doesn't seem to notice.

"Oh, okay," he seems distracted as he bids me goodnight and flaps off.

Severus always goes to the Halloween Ball with me, as friends...

I shake off the heavy, miserable feeling of emptiness as I give the Fat Lady the password. "Batwings," I say. She grumbles, and I add, "I'm so terribly sorry, though, about keeping you awake so long. Is there anything I could possibly do to make it up?" She immediately flushes with pleasure, and babbles, "No, not at all, dear. You may come and go as you please, if you have the password, I'm merely a portrait, dear..." She swings open and I slip through. In a few minutes, I'm in my dorm, flinging off my dressing gown and nightdress. I pull on a dark green high-collared blouse and sweater and jeans, and my sneakers, before disappearing outside after simpering with the Fat Lady.

I creep down to the Black Lake. Nothing. There is a soft silence and I check my watch. 11.49. The night it beautiful and serene, as is every other night, but somehow the tranquil quietness almost puts me on nerve's end. Must be Rosalie and Colette's incessant chatter. Andromeda, Lucy and Marietta don't talk nearly so much.

I find myself wondering what I expect from tonight.

What do I expect? I know Potter's been after me since I first stepped foot in Hogwarts, and I know Sev and I have known him to be this arrogant idiot of a bully, and I hated him. Then how will I explain what I did that night? I'm never telling him I find him attractive – I'll never hear the end of it and he'll chase me day and night, and I lose hope of ever getting rid of him. _Do I want to get rid of him?_ Good Merlin, where the hell did that come from? Of course I want him off my trail! _Why?_ You aren't possibly suggesting I'm in love with him, are you? _Are you?_ Of course not! Are you bonkers?

Then I stop. The internal battle waging in my mind pulls to a blank. Am I in love with him?

A small snow-white dove flies over gracefully. I clear my head with the decision, 'No'.

I follow the dove; it is definitely Potter's. It leads me to the Womping Willow.

I frown as I quickly take out my wand. The Womping Willow is a huge gnarled willow tree, and it was planted the year I came to Hogwarts. Everyone said it was just an extra piece of decoration – at least when it comes to putting pretty red marks on people's faces – though it seems unlikely. Professor Dumbledore would never plant anything dangerous for 'decoration'. I think.

It's dangerous because of its boughs. They are always whipping around, attacking foreigners. I've seen what's-his-name-again nearly have his eye out. No one's dared go too near since. As a Prefect, I'd never take the risk. I approach it with caution. Is Potter trying to get my head knocked off my shoulders?

Then I see a flicker of white as the dove plunges into the viciously waving branches. It'll get whacked to bits! I think in fear, debating whether to return back, when suddenly the branches freeze in place. Weird...

The little bird gives a twitter and I cautiously follow it to the massive gnarled trunk, where I see a small opening. This is dangerous, I caution myself, but then I shrug. Loosen up, Lils. The infernal bird won't stop its insane twittering anyway, so I follow it down the hole.

"_Lumos_," I mutter, holding my wand up as the softly glowing light shone a white beam around the narrow, crumbling walls. I'm surprised to find me feet treading on sturdy stairs as I descend into the darkness till I come to a small landing with a wooden door. The dove gives one more chirrup because bursting into a ball of feathers and falling to the floor. I reach out my hand, and realize I'm shaking. Am I cold? No, I'm afraid.

I twist the handle and slowly pull the door open. It's a cosy-sized room, with a black leather couch in front of a low, sturdy wooden table set with a single lit candle and a jug of water. The room has a few scattered chairs and a fireplace set deep into the wall, but other than that, the room, with its wooden boards for floor and wall, is empty. It's fairly clean, and a small fire is flickering in the fireplace, but it looks rather dark and cold.

I venture slowly into the room, and my fingers are running across the smooth leather of the black couch when the door slams close. I whip around, and he's there. A high-collared black sweater and jeans, hair adorably ruffled, hands in his pocket and his annoying smirk plastered on his face. "Evans," he greets smoothly.

"Potter..." And suddenly, I don't know what to say. "Um-er, uh, what were you doing that night anyway?" I blurt.

"Don't change the subject," he replies, leaning against the wall.

"No, really, what _were_ you doing?" He blanched. "Nothing."

"Tell the truth!" I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm a Prefect!" He paled even further. I sighed. Time for Prefect Evans. "Potter, if you don't have a valid reason, I can and _will_ deduct twenty points from Gryffindor!" Now he looked like a ghost.

"You need to promise not to tell anyone..." he says. Now I'm suspicious. "What?" I demand. "Are you breaking rules? It's you and your little Marauders, isn't it?"

"No!" he hastily protests. "Dumbledore – er, Professor Dumbledore... he knows, um, because um... Remus... Lupin... he's a – a werewolf and he comes here to protect the other students from himself..." he finishes lamely. I crack up. This is the dumbest excuse I've ever heard of! Merlin, Remus Lupin a werewolf, the very idea! "You don't have to make stuff up, Potter! Just tell me the truth!" I laugh. This has to be all a joke! Except Potter looks very serious...

Wait... Lupin always gets sick on the full moon... That night was a full moon... The Willow was planted the year I came, which was the year he came... It would make a good hideout... Potter is Lupin's best friend... Wait, wait a minute...

Laughter dies at my throat. "Are you... serious?" I ask slowly. He doesn't give anything away. Good Merlin, Remus Lupin... no wonder Slughorn makes vast amounts of Wolfbane... Oh my...

I must look ridiculous with my jaw slack, so I close my mouth.

"You mustn't tell anyone, Evans!" Potter says quickly, and I just nod, shell-shocked. "Anyway, so what was that, the other night?" he asks, the smile appearing again. My mouth opened and closed like a fish, before I said vaguely, "I don't know."

He raises his coal-black eyebrows.

"Nothing," I correct myself firmly, leaning against the back of the couch in front of him, locking my eyes with his chocolate ones. "It meant nothing... I'm not falling for you or anything. I don't know what happened."

"Aw, c'mon, Evans, you know you like me!" he smirks, leaning forward with an arm on either side of me, trapping me. At least I'm still safe. Pretty safe.

"Sod off," I said flatly, prodding my wand in his stomach. "Let's just pretend none of this ever happened."

"Brought your wand, this time, then?" he smirked wider, leaning closer. I try not to cringe back... or actually lean forward into his delicious body warmth and sweet smell... Wait, I must _not_ think like that! I poked him harder.

His hand moves so fast it took me a few seconds to recover. My wand is three feet away from me on the floor. Oops. Shouldn't have let him do that. He's so close now, his nose an inch from mine, and his scent is so strong and intoxicating I feel dizzy. I swallow. He searches my face with a piercing gaze, and when he speaks, his voice is strangely husky. "You're gorgeous, Evans."

My breath hitches in my throat, and he's staring at my lips. I just feel a strange attraction, a lust, a _craving_ to put my lips on his.

This isn't happening. I am not falling for James Potter.

But my lips find his for the second time.

And I know I have.


	5. Chapter 5

**Haha, sorry, that took a long time.**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing. At all.**

Chapter 5

_Dear Lily,_

_Hello, love!_

_We have the best news ever! Tuney is getting married to that young fellow Vernon Dursley! Isn't that just lovely? Their wedding is in April next year, so you won't be able to make it, I'm afraid. But our little Tuney, married!_

_I heard you have a Halloween Ball, soon... Dear, you're already sixteen, and you haven't shown any interest in boys. What about that fellow, James Potter, was it? He likes you, right? Why don't you date him? He sounds decent, all in all, dear._

_We miss you already!_

_Lots of Love,_

_Mom and Dad._

Lily's eyes scoured the short page for the fourth time. Petunia was getting married? She was just nineteen... In April. She obviously chose a time Lily wouldn't be there. Lily had loved her sister; she was her _sister_, for Merlin's sake! But Tuney... Tuney had hated her, been jealous of her, called her a freak. A freak in a freak's school. Lily hadn't understood it at first. Why was Tuney suddenly so mean, so cold? As she matured she realized the changes. Petunia had been upset she was overshadowed. She had always loved the spotlight. Now she was beneath her younger sister. Oh, wonderful Lily, talented Lily, perfect Lily, beautiful Lily, with her amazing magic and radiant face! She had despised it. She was jealous.

The Halloween Ball... Merlin, Muggle parents and they still know about a little party like that! And _boys_... She just wasn't ready! James Potter... She shuddered. James Potter.

She pulled out a sheaf of spare parchment and chose a sheet, loading her quill, inking a title in her elegant script with the unusual 'g's. With that, she started a list.

_Pros and Cons of Dating James Potter_

_Pros:_

_He is smart. He is funny. He is handsome. He is popular. He is in love with me. He is friendly._

_Cons:_

_He is annoying. He is conceited. He is stuck-up. He is a bully. He is tiring and persistent._

She frowned slightly, and added, "_Summary of Pros: I am in love with him. Summary of cons: He is James effing Potter_."

She looked her list through. She could probably have listed a lot more cons – well, and pros – but she was currently having a mental block.

Last night she had run away again. She was ashamed of herself. She dared call herself _Gryffindor_ and yet still fled the scene! Then she rethought over her new-found, long-blossom love. She knew now she loved him. She could not resist him. His ruffled ebony hair, his warm, delicious dark chocolate eyes, his tanned, muscled lithe body, his arrogant smirk, his low, smooth tone, his luscious scent, the way his long, calloused fingers swept over his messy hair, the way he shot her a crooked smile every time he won the Quidditch match with a spectacular save, the way he tilted his forehead forwards every time he glanced her way, the way his hands gently skimmed her pale, lightly freckled skin whenever he came near enough.

Now the problem was actually admitting it to him. And... Severus. Severus would never ever forgive her for it. She was losing him so quickly, and she was desperate for her childhood friend back.

Also Potter would be a big prat about it. He had been bullying lots of the students, and had been very arrogant, conceited and stuck-up. Lily wasn't sure she could handle that. Also, she had to be very sure of this.

James Potter had been the boy she had detested since she first set eyes on him. He had been the mean, obnoxious bully that was heartless to her best friend, had endlessly annoyed her day and night. He was also the boy that was friendly and funny, smart and handsome, sweet and romantic. He was the boy that had so-said adored her since he first set eyes on her.

She made a decision.

She was not dating Potter – not _ever_ – until he stopped bullying people.

Lily glanced out the window as icy rain sloshed against the panes. Blurry figures darted around in the storm, and she could indistinctly make out a certain muscular yet slender body garbed in scarlet and gold racing around on a broom, with a mess of rain-slicked black hair and a boisterous laugh.

...

"Hello, Severus," Lily said stiffly the next time they met. It was at a deserted corridor. He had requested her presence halfway during lunch. Abandoning her steak and kidney pie, and shooting Potter a warning glance that clearly stated, 'mind your own business or else', she ran out after her friend.

He scrutinized her closely. "Lily, why are you suddenly so cold to me?"

"You've been avoiding me around your friends," Lily sighed as she leant back on a pillar. "Is my blood status really bothering you so much? _Mudblood_'s not a thing you call a friend, Sev!" Her friend cringed a little. "It hurt when you called me that. It bloody _hurt_, Severus! Friends aren't purposely cruel to each other. Just tell me if you're my friend or not."

"Lily, you don't understand..."

Lily snapped. "What is it?" she hissed. "What is it that I don't understand? Do you think I'm still some little eleven-year-old who can't defend herself? Oh, I _understand_, Severus Snape, you don't want to be mocked by your precious Slytherin friends, so you pretend you don't care less about me! I don't even know _why_ we're still talking!"

"Lily," Severus interrupted calmly, though his eyes expressed pleading. "Lils, I _swear_, it was to protect you. Remember what they did to Mary Macdonald? You were right, they use dark magic. I'm sorry I lied about that, Lily, but the point is, they will do the same – or worse – to you, just to get you away from me. I really, truly _never_ meant to hurt you, Lils, I swear. You-you're my best friend."

Lily stiffened. This was most likely true. She had seen what his evil pack of friends could do, and Severus had seemed so sincere when he said it, and she had seen the concern in his dark eyes – she was the only one that could see the emotion in his seemingly empty black eyes.

"I... I'm sorry I burst at you, Sev," she said quietly. "I just didn't really realize what was happening, and I was afraid to lose you as a friend..." She saw his lip curl slightly, and she heard him say, "So, do you trust me?"

She looked him in the eyes. "I guess."

"Good," Severus said, relaxing. "So, if you trust me, you do forgive me for making our friendship so rocky?" She nodded. "And, Lily – don't lie to me, _please_ – where did you go when I left you that night. I know you went somewhere."

Lily blinked. For a few moments, she debated within herself, but gave in with a sigh. "Alright, but Severus, you have to _swear_ you won't tell a soul," she demanded. Intrigued, her greasy-haired friend nodded. She spilled the tale of Remus Lupin and the Marauders and the full moon.

"Aha! I suspected something!" Severus said, something glinting in his eye.

Suspicious, Lily demanded, "You swear not to tell a soul? You swear you won't do a thing about it? Swear – swear on our _friendship_, Severus, nothing will become of this." Severus nodded his head absently, as though deep in thought, brushing her off.

Lily would have continued to demand Severus swear properly, but Professor McGonnagal had appeared. "There you are, Miss Evans! I need you to pin this on the notice-board for me." Then she turned to Severus. "Mr. Snape, shouldn't you be having lunch with your fellow classmates?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry I took so long, I'm so lazy.**

**Next chapter will be up by... Today, Tomorrow? It's a short one, I think, hehe.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, period.**

Chapter 6

I pull an Angel dress off a rack.

The past month had been quite normal. Friendly chats with Severus, teasings from Potter, games with friends, Prefect patrols, the usual. Just one different thing, but I can't put a finger to it.

A sweet-heart neckline, creamy silk, white beading, a knee-length skirt, straps, a red ribbon – no, not for me. I put it back.

"Come on, Lily, just choose one!" Colette moaned. "You too, Rosalie! Merlin, you both are taking ages!" I scowl at her. I'm not ending up looking like a fool at the ball and I need my time to pick a dress!

Andromeda had a really cool vampire gown and mask, Marietta was going as a fairy, Lucy was dressing up as a bride and Colette was taking on the major role of being a dreamy and mysterious Lady-of-the-Mist, borrowing her older sister Molly's old dress. Rosalie's too fickle and hyped up to pick anything.

I groan as I take a step towards Rosalie, where she is trying on a pretty teal-coloured dress with an incredibly long train – a mermaid costume – when I trip on the matching heels. I yelp as I lurch forward, and my ankle catches on a rail, sending a gown falling onto me. Did I mention just how clumsy I was? Colette and Rosalie give a small scream before running to me. "Are you all right, Lils? Are you hurt?" All I can sense is the perfect dress in my lap.

...

I wince a little as Rosalie works a bold line over my eye. She giggles hysterically. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Lils! Every boy out there is going to want you." I survey myself in the mirror and suddenly I'm not so sure. "Thanks, Ro," I say vaguely.

I see a stranger in the clear glass of the mirror – a beautiful one. I'm not beautiful.

The beautiful stranger I see is unfamiliar. A pale face, dusted with soft freckles, masked by an emerald green eye-cover of satin, beaded with shimmery black beads, silver sequins ringing the dark emerald eyes shadowed by long dark thickened scarlet lashes, and lined with downy ebony feathers, reminding me of dark forests flaked with ashes. Each eye has been meticulously done.

A thick, dark, stilted black eyeliner, the lashes faintly glittering with silvery ash, a shimmery gold eye-shadow hinted with green. Exotic and attractive. Ivory cheeks with a dark rose at the high cheekbones, lips a dark maroon.

Long scarlet curls entwined with glittering emeralds cascade to the stranger's waist. Dark green gloves edged with dramatic black lace ripple as the stranger flexes the long slender fingers. A beautiful dark emerald dress falls dramatically to the floor. A complex design of ivory and black pearls clasp together on one shoulder, leaving green silk rippling down in a gorgeous gown, hugging her curves, tight to the knees before splaying out with silver, black and ivory embroidery, and the same dramatic black lace as what graced the gloves. Falling like a cloak, attached to the slender waist by a narrow black ribbon, a waterfall of sleek black feathers slide in a short train. The black embroidery of the toes of the satin heels she wears peep from below the dress. A display of pale skin glows against the darkness, collar-bone revealed, and the black-laced back dips a bare few inches from the point of indecency.

My dressing-table is littered with mascara, eyeliner pencils, blushes, eye-shadows, chapsticks, lipsticks, lip-gloss and every other type of make-up I can think of – none of which are mine. Rosalie squeals again. I compare my face to hers. Her face is pastel, with a faint pink blush, clear lip-gloss, rose glitter dusted around her eyes. Mine is far more gothic and dramatic – the dark tones, dramatic heavy make-up, stark contrasts.

My hand lingers over the perfumes vials. I pick the scent of lilies.

...

The Great Hall looks magnificent, more festive than ever. Hagrid, the gamekeeper's apprentice, had once again grown his famous pumpkins, which now rested, the size of small cars, carved exquisitely into detailed jack-o-lanterns, glowed in velvet dark cloth under the dark starry sky/ceiling. The four house-tables had been replaced with one long, dark carved buffet table and dark draped chairs decorated with Halloween designs lined the walls.

Andromeda's black beaded mask looked sinister next to Rosalie's soft pink faerie mask, and Colette looked like perfection in her sister's old dress. Professor Dumbledore announced the start of the feast and we all fall on the food. We had the ordinary roast chicken, fried potato, steak, pie, but each one physically and magically mutated to scare us. Lucy turned particularly green at the sight of a fish that looked half-rotten but in fact was a sumptuous and very edible cod dish. Dessert was something else completely. Round, hard multi-coloured disks of sweet candy; lollipops in all shapes and sizes; luscious chocolates with every type of filling; things like Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans and more harmless Chocolate Frogs; trick treats like Exploding Gobstoppers that exploded into tiny, hard little bits, filling your mouth with tiny welts; normal desserts like treacle tarts and blueberry jam cake.

By the time the feast was over, I was tipsy, which was rather strange as I'm usually quite straight-laced. I laugh hysterically when Rosalie drips pumpkin juice on her pale pink gown, and Colette giggles as she hiccups, saying, "Merlin, Lily's drunk, the world's going to end!" I slap her arm, my head in a daze.

We are interrupted as the plates clear themselves magically and Dumbledore announces the end of dinner. Music begins to play as several dance and others do random things or prank people. Colette, now fully drunk, was giggling in hysteria and cackling, "Then, Molly was all 'Arthur, no-one with a right mind would use bloody Muggle remedies! You didn't, did you? Did you?' And Art was like, 'Um, Molly, dear, well, I-' And you don't want to hear what happened after that! I swear little Bill and Charlie will be scarred for life!"

Everyone listening laughs boisterously, but I was beginning to feel a little heady. Excusing myself, I stumble to the punch-bowl and pour myself a glass, casting a Cooling Charm over my stuffy mask. Then an arm is thrown over my shoulder. "Who're you?" I can't help but slur a little, though still managing to pull off a sultry and mysterious figure.

"Well, you must be Lily Evans, isn't it?" a vaguely familiar voice grins from behind a Gryffindor-scarlet mask framing a pair of familiar chocolate eyes and topped with messy dark hair that seemed to draw me to him. I know him from somewhere, but for some reason, I can't put a finger to it, so I just brush it off.

"How did you know?" I demand, downing the tumbler of punch.

"The gorgeous red hair and exquisite green eyes, who'd not know you, love?" the boy grins. I vaguely realize I blush darkly. "Want to dance?" Cloudy-headed, I can't form a straight thought as he pulls me to the dance-floor away from the long table.

I laugh as the handsome boy draws me close and sway gently to the creepy, upbeat Halloween song. I trod on him a couple of times, and nearly fall over a few times, but he never seems to mind, and always gracefully caught me. I laugh each time I trip, and twirl somewhat gracefully as my Charmed wings expand and sent downy feathers cascading to the floor.

I finally tripped over my heels and would have crashed to the glinting golden floor if the boy had not swept me up bridal-style. I scream in surprised delight as I wrap my arms around his neck and he chuckles.

I look deep into his beautiful dark eyes, and without thinking I kiss his cheek. As I bend closer I inhale a delicious scent, and something about clutches at my mind. For a moment, my head clears, and one thing pops into my head.

I shove his chest and leap away. Pointing my finger at him accusingly, I yell, "Potter!"

Potter grins and draws me closer. "Aw, Evans, I was hoping you wouldn't recognise me. I was having such a lovely time. You look so much prettier when you don't scowl, sweetheart." I scowl deeper at his words and say, "Don't call me that, Potter!"

I turn to stomp off, and a giggle rises in my throat as the wings on my back happily picked this moment to flutter and slap him in the face. I bunch my skirts in my fists and begin to run so as not to face him, and I run wherever my legs happen to take me, which happens to be outside.

Breathless – I'm really not that sporty, maybe because I'm vertically challenged – I bend over with a stitch in my side, and pant. I look up and in the falling dusk of the night, I can see the violently waving arms of the Whomping Willow. I frown. It usually doesn't move till it feel its threatened. My eyes widen when they focus on the next thing...


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm glad you liked it. I don't like people who write with so many grammar and punctuation and spelling mistakes, it's so annoying.**

**Next chapter will take longer, I"m afraid.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Don't own.**

Chapter 7

Lily choked back a gasp of fear. There, under the tree, non-too-gracefully dodging the evil branches, was a very familiar silhouette. Severus Snape. What was he doing? She glanced up into the clear dark sky. A full moon with a pale face cast a shady glow onto her face. Her jaw dropped. Merlin, no!

Her heart stopped and skipped a beat as the stuffy dress suddenly seemed to feel like ice as her blood froze and her face drained, leaving her resembling a ghost. No...

Even in her slightly drunken state, Lily could sense the seriousness of the situation. He could be killed or worse... She took deep rasping breaths as thousands of resolutions ran through her mind – none of them feasible, seeing she had once again been an idiot and left her wand in her dormitory – under lock and key, of course.

However, now was not the time to moan about that as she hysterically tore towards the boy, screaming hoarsely and tripping insanely on her shoes, and she could hear the not-so-rhythmatic beating of her blood pounding in her ears. Her breaths came out in quick breaths as her feet burned.

Suddenly a hand clamped over her shoulder and she struggled to pull away. "Evans, you oka- Merlin's pants, Snivellus!" Lily's head flicked so quickly she nearly got whiplash, a few curls of her silky hair leaving a stinging pain on her tender cheek.

It was Potter, but he had tossed his mask aside. Horror was splashed over his beautifully-chiselled face as he pushed her non-too-gently to the side and sprinted to the Whomping Willow.

All Lily could do was run as fast as she could behind him. Her eyes darted intently as Potter dived under the branches and grappled at Severus, yelling, "You bloody git, what do you think you're doing?" Severus was gasping as he and Potter dodged the branches. Potter jerked him away from a crashing branch, before diving towards the trunk and brushing a finger against a spot. The branches froze, as Lily half expected. By the time she reached the tree, Severus was being dragged up by Potter.

Grabbing him by the collar, despite her size, she dragged him up. "Severus! I trusted you not to do anything! How could you do that?" Then her eyes fell on his injuries as the bright moonlight provided a clear image of him. Her jaw hung slightly. His sallow skin was mottled with hideous purple-blue bruises on the brink of breaking skin, and blisters erupted all over his hands, and blood leaked from his nose and the corner of his mouth. "Sev! You could have bloody died! What were you thinking? You knew it would be dangerous! You knew, damn it! And... and..." Realization dawned on her, and her eyes went damp. "Severus, you swore on our friendship you would do nothing! Severus, Merlin, I trusted you! You swore on our friendship, our friendship, doesn't it mean anything to you?" Lily was heartbroken. Her 'best friend' had betrayed her friendship in some stupid attempt to get his childhood rivals into trouble! He had risked his life, Potter's life, nearly her life and their already crumbling friendship for that! She threw him to the floor in disgust, and spat, "Well, your vow broken, our friendship broken! There's only so much I can forgive!" Anger clouding her mind as well as a splitting headache, she delivered a stinging slap to his already bruised cheek and stomped off, wiping away tears that threatened to leak down her cheeks, pale with sorrow yet scarlet with rage. She vaguely saw the silhouettes of Professors and students as they rushed towards the earlier scene.

Upon reaching the school hall, she came across Professor McGonnagal. For a moment, fear overrode her grief. There's nothing more you want to avoid then a very angry Professor McGonnagal, aka the one now, with her lips compressed to a single line, rage etched on every wrinkle, her eyes blazing like coals. "Miss Evans, did you just hit that poor boy? What do you mean by you 'trusted him not to do that'? Am I correct in assuming you motivated him to do that? As a Prefect, Miss Evans, I assumed and put my trust into you to know what to do and when to do it! You knew that the Whomping Willow is a dangerous artefact, and yet you had the gall to-to do that! Miss Evans, I am most disappointed in you! I therefore take fifty points from Gryffindor, twenty points from Slytherin, and Miss Evans, I am stripping you of your position for the rest of school term and a letter will be sent to your parents of this disgrace! I thought I knew you better!"

With that, Professor McoGonnagal marched off, leaving a very stricken Lily on the brink of breaking.

All that was needed was the look Potter gave her. A look that clearly stated his shock, disappointment, disbelief. 'Evans, I trusted you. I thought I could trust you. I was so wrong. That was unforgivable.'

Tears ran uncontrollably down her pale cheeks as she locked the door of the bathroom and sank to the floor, thinking of today.

The worst day of Lily Evan's life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**I'm glad you liked it. Well, the people who did like it.**

Chapter 8

_Dear Lily,_

_Lily, if there is anything, anything at all, that is wrong, please tell us._

_This is nothing like you, and we are most ashamed of you. Motivating that boy into almost losing his life, yelling at him and then hitting him when he's already injured! We thought young Severus was your friend! Lily, that was very, very wrong of you, and we thought you knew better than that._

_We are very disappointed in your behaviour. Maybe it was wrong of us to stop watching you. This magical world you're in, Lily, is very dangerous. Please think before you act._

_Please don't do this in the future._

_Mum and Dad_

_Lily-_

_Ha! I knew that inside you're really just a stupid freak! I knew inside you're a two-faced beast! Betraying your friends, getting into trouble – I knew this is what you really are! Magic Lily, perfect Lily, clever Lily, beautiful Lily, sweet Lily! Now everyone will know what you really are! You deserve this! I suppose you think you were so clever, fooling everyone! This is who you really have been all this time, and I was the only one that realized it, Vernon darling and I! But know all the other fools have realized it at last!_

_Petunia_

I incinerate Petunia's letter without reading it twice as tears stream down my face, burning my cheeks with freezing tear-streaks, my features contorted with rage.

I'm a mess. I've been curled up in the bathroom since quarter past nine, when I fled. The chimes of twelve o' clock are loud and crashing in my ears. Colette slipped my letters under the crack of the door a quarter of an hour ago. Apart from that, no one else has disturbed me.

My parent's letter had come to me pristine and fresh. It now lay on the floor, the black ink blotched with tears, the edges tattered with my frustrated fingerings and the sheet itself ripped to a mangled bit of parchment. And of course, Petunia's 'letter' is now a pile of pretty black ashes on the floor, though it came in triumphant slashing writing.

As I said, I'm a mess. My mascara has left thick black streaks down my cheeks, my lipstick is smudged, my eye-shadow has been muddled to a hideous gold-green blotch that looks vaguely like mould on butter, the scarlet on my cheekbones a misshapen smudge, and my hair so tangled I can't drag a horse-hair brush through it once.

I hesitate once, and gather the ripped bits of miserable paper and the pile of ashes, and sweep it into one of my torn gloves.

I've been wrung dry of tears. I can't cry anymore, so I force my mind to think, but I almost immediately turn off. I don't want to think of it. The mere memory of tonight sends wrecking spasms through me, and a horrible dark feeling to wrap my heart in an icy embrace I can't bear as it leaps in my throat. I would have cried, but as I said I've run out of tears.

I really don't see how Severus could be so... so stupid. I mean, now that my anger has subsided – somewhat – I can see I probably shouldn't have hit him, but he risks his bloody life just to get Potter and his Marauders into trouble? And Lupin isn't all that bad. Everyone knowing he's a werewolf... that would practically make him an outcast, a loner, something that disgusts and scares people at the same time. People will demand he be thrown out of school. Classmates will taunt him. Children will tease him. Why can't Severus get his head out of the clouds and forget his old rivalries? What good will become of this? And Professor McGonnagal – oh Merlin, will she understand? I'm out of her good books forever. My reputation has been ruined. And Potter? I always viewed Potter as the bad one. The arrogant, stupid, hot-tempered, foolish person. And now? Now am I the promise-breaker, the back-stabber, the untrustworthy two-faced 'friend'? What will they think now? What will Potter think of me? I don't know why I care, but somehow I don't want to disappoint him. Or my parents, friends or professors. Will I even have friends once all this comes out? Rumors will be spread, some true, some not. What will become of me? I'm not sure I even want to know, come to think of it.

In short, I am doomed and my future is ruined. Maybe.

Maybe everyone has gone to sleep. I can wash myself up and go to bed, and hopefully tomorrow won't be so bad.

Since I don't have any other clothes besides my costume, which is now tattered and torn from the rose-bushes in the school grounds and from my little trot and my tantrum in the bathroom, and my wand is outside, I do my best to clear off any trace of make-up. I smooth down my dress and do my best to comb the snares and tangles from my hair.

I take a deep breath and let it out in a lengthy, weary sigh as the door creaks open under my control.

I am engulfed in a warm hug.

Colette, Rosalie, Lucy, Andromeda and Marietta had been waiting out there all along.

Who gives a damn about being wrung dry of tears, because grateful dampness swells in my eyes as I realize I still have friends, friends who really do care. And suddenly the world seems so much brighter. I'll make it up to Professor McGonnagol and the others. I will make my parents proud. I will prove Petunia wrong. I will show James Potter how Lily Evans can idolize perfection. I will make Severus regret what he has done. I will show my friends what their kindness and loyalty mean to me. The friends who still care.

"Come on, Lily," Colette soothes. "We love you no matter what you do and we will always care about you. Let's get you cleaned up."


	9. Chapter 9

**Here comes the next chapter... I'm running out of ideas... Not good. Whatever.**

**I did Lily's friends based on some of my own, because they're so awesome.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 9

When Lily was tickled awake by the warm sunshine come morning, she was bathed in the few seconds of blissful ignorance before the earlier night came crashing down on her. The knowledge of her actions made the typical lump in her throat and a horrible weight drag in her stomach.

Now that her mind was freshly rejuvenated, clear and once more sharply intelligent, unpleasant thoughts swirled in her mind. Great. So she had made a great many promises last night, but how could she keep them? How was she going to prove herself, gain forgiveness?

Like a robot, Lily began dressing herself. Her mind was blank, just keeping her hands moving, moving, till she realized with a jerk it was not her hands buttoning the back of her shirt, and she realized it was not her hands combing the snags out of her hair, and it was not her hands buttoning her shoes in place. Colette and Rosalie said nothing, just helping her dress quickly and quietly. Colette helped her slip on her school robes, and gave her a hug, whispering in her ear, "You're awesome, Lily. Tell the world that." No one really knew if Lily's smile reached her eyes when she hugged Colette and Rosalie back.

...

_Chin up, back straight, shoulders back. No, I can't do this!_ Lily thought in anguish as she prepared to make her 'grand entrance' into the Great Hall for breakfast. Colette and Rosalie gave her an encouraging smile and disappeared through the wide doors. Lily wasn't in the least encouraged, especially when she peered through the crack in the doors to see crowds of students push their ways to her two best friends, questioning unrelentlessly. She swallowed and summoned whatever Gryffindor pride she had in her and walked into the Great Hall.

It had not been so 'grand', more of a silent, determined walk, and Lily found her nose in the air as she surveyed the Hall. Silence had fallen, making Lily uncomfortably nervous. Every eye was on her, even those of the Professors and it was all she could do not to falter. Her strides were long and even, and the flapping robes helped conceal the fact that they were shaking slightly. She avoided eye contact and took her usual seat. She said nothing but acted as though it was a normal day, determinedly steadying her hand as she shook some cereal into her bowl. She rhythmatically began spooning it into her mouth, staring straight ahead and chewing, looking anywhere but the Slytherin's table and the Maradaurs. Slowly but surely, she began to lose people's attention, and the chatter rose again.

She sighed in relief and put her spoon down before walking over to Lupin. The Marauders tensed – they had been fighting away students who wanted to taunt or tease their friend, attacking several, and each had already gained four or five detentions, and the Gryffindor Hourglass didn't look remotely full. One thing Lily had admired about the Maradaurs was their loyalty enough to put Hufflepuff to shame. Another thing Lily had noticed was that the Slytherin table looked rather empty, as did the others. She suspected word had spread faster than she had assumed.

The tired-looking boy looked up at her with a guarded expression. "May I help you, Evans?"

Lily swallowed, and said, if not loudly then clearly, "Listen, I-I... It was wrong of me to betray your secret when you hadn't even given it to me in the first place. It was wrong of me to give your secret away without permission, even if I thought I could trust them. It was wrong of me to have anything to do with it. I just wanted to say... I wanted to say... I'm sorry, Lupin, and I'm asking for your forgiveness, though I don't deserve it. I'm willing to get down on my knees and beg you for it, just to show you I really am sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you, and I'll do my best to stop all these-these bullies and their stupid taunts, and whatever else I'm in the power to do since I'm not a Prefect anymore. But... Please, please forgive me." The words came out thick and uneven, rushed at times and tough to say at others, but come out they did, and Lily grasped whatever hope she had of forgiveness.

Lupin observed her face quietly for a moment. Lily waited on bated breath as her face got warmer and warmer by the minute.

"Of course, Lily," Lupin said quietly, his soft smile spreading over his face.

Lily released a sigh of relief, and she smiled brightly, though a funny prickling crawled over the back of her neck which she couldn't reason why. "So that's that. And, erm, Potter..."

She turned to the messy-haired, stone-faced boy. "Yes, Potter, I can't believe I'm actually going to do this, but I'm apologizing to you as well, because I wronged you as well. I never... never thought I'd be the one who broke a promise. I don't know how to make this up to you. So... so, I'm sorry for that, James, I am."

Potter straightened. "Evans, did you... Evans, did you just call me 'James'?" For a moment, Lily stiffened in surprised, then she replied evenly, "Yes I did, Potter... James." For a moment, he looked shell-shocked. Then his face split into a wide grin. Lily guessed, hopefully, that this meant she was forgiven.

"Come on a date with me?" he grinned. Lily could have face-palmed herself. Who in Merlin's name could be so flippant when she was trying to deal with him so seriously? James Potter, apparently.

Then she noticed he was blushing. That was strange. Then, she suddenly realized that every eye was on her. That must have been the strange feeling. She tried to brush the aside, but she felt her cheeks redden again. Potter just had to ask her in the middle of breakfast! She was about to decline – for the three hundredth and sixty-seventh time – his offer, but then Potter said, "As... as a way to say sorry?" She hesitated. She would have to accept it now.

"Y-yes," she mumbled, barely audibly. Potter caught it though, and gave a childish whoop.

"I knew you liked me!" Laughter and wolf-whistles filled the hall as Lily's flamed to the point of competing with her fiery hair as she did her best to tell him, "Just this once! And I do not like you! And – and I'm just using it as a way to say sorry! Potter, do you hear me? Potter!"

...

Lily leant back after neatly transfiguring her china teapot into a tortoise. It still had a willow-pattern on its shell but it would do. Professor McGonnagal beamed at it, and Lily smiled back, glad that she was back in the Professor's good books again, after much flowery apologizing and promises and that sort of stuff. Now the only thing she had to worry about was Lupin getting bullied. Well, actually the Maradaurs were handling it pretty well, and Professor McGonnagal had shortened her suspension of being not-Prefect to another week. Anyway, Lupin was a Prefect too, he could easily take House points away and stuff like that to the cheeky, tactless students. But then she'd have to worry Lupin being kicked out of school. Apparently, parents had already started owl-bombing Dumbledore, and influential people like Abraxus Malfoy, whose son Lucius Malfoy had graduated not long ago, could easily encourage the Minister or whoever was in charge to get poor Lupin expelled. At least now she didn't need to worry about McGonnagal or Lupin or...

She blushed hotly when Potter's turtle ambled up to her, with its dark green shell spelling out in tiny bright emerald-like bulbs, the same colour of her eyes, '_Meet you at 7 o'clock at the Great Hall this Saturday for Hogsmeade. XX James Potter XX'_

So the saying goes, '_out of the frying pan and into the fire_'.


	10. Chapter 10

**Just a warning, the next chapter will be in James POV... And before you ask, Yes, Mabel Boot does play a role in this story.**

** ChocolateIsKryptonite, you're just so sweet.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own at all.**

Chapter 10

I debate for a moment, then tear Severus' envelope open. My eyes scan the page, and my mouth twists bitterly. I place my wand-tip hard on the paper, and whisper a spell – my 'favourite' incinerating paper spell. Clearing the ash into a heap and sliding it back into the envelope, sealing it freshly. I clip it to the russet-brown owl's knobbly little leg, stroke it and say, "Give it to Severus Snape, please." I watch with a blossoming triumph through the opened frost-coated windowpanes as the school owl swooped a few floors below and drop the letter onto a certain untrustworthy, greasy idiot's head. This greasy idiot flinches, and gingerly picks up the envelope, which has fallen on the floor. He's alone, currently. He looks up, and I put on my 'Angry Molly Weasley' expression: tight lips, drawn eyebrows, and hopefully blazing, unforgiving and cold eyes.

His jaw drops slightly, and soon after his eyes do too, to the envelope in his hands. He slides the envelope open, and the smooth stream of ebony powder pours into his cupped hand. He looks up at me again, with a hurt and incredulous expression spilling over his sallow features. But I have no time for this anymore. One can forgive only so many times, and I've forgiven... more than I can manage anymore.

When I look straight into his coal-black, depthless eyes, pity strokes me, but I turn my back on that option. It would be weak to turn back now. Maybe you think it is unkind, but Severus could break my heart a million times, and I'd have to gather the little pieces together and forgive him. I have to stop, now, because if I don't, I'm scared I'll fall into the dreamless depths of forgiving and forgetting, and be locked there for an eternity. I'm tired of it. He's wrung me dry.

So with a snap, the window shuts, and Severus Snape is left standing there, with a handful of cinders, and envelope and a disbelieving expression.

...

I am panicking big-time. It's Saturday, and in two hours, I'm going for my first – and only – date with James freaking Potter. I can't seem to breathe straight and my thoughts are all jumbled and I've got the uncomfortable twisting in my stomach, and yet some strange feeling is engulfing my chest, and its expanding. The feeling is so beautiful, but it hurts too – the feeling is so big, it's like an overstretched bubble and it's tearing me up – but in a beautiful way. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this, and I can't comprehend anything fully and... oh, say something right, Lily Evans! I'm hyperventilating and my face is such a fiery tone I hardly look human... more like a tomato...

Calm down, Lily Evans, calm down... All I can think of is him, him, him... I feel like a boy-crazy obsessed girl, Merlin, what's wrong with me? I'm so distant I don't even notice Sirius' younger brother, Regulas Black, yell at some Slytherin for losing a Quidditch match with Hufflepuff, or that there's a silver moth fluttering around my head. I look down. My sheet of parchment is more cancellations than actual words, and if I attempt – a futile one, no doubt – to finish this essay, I will fail, period. My eyes fall on my textbook. I had realized I'd read the same sentence about ten times and still my mind was blank. _Bowtruckles generally live in wand trees and feed on woodlice._ I scan it again... and then... nothing. I can't hold a single thought in my mind except for him! _Bowtruckles_... _Bowtruckles_...

I give a silent scream of rage and throw down my quill. Leaning my head against the cool smooth surface of the glass windowpane, I sigh, inhaling the soft smell of books and paper and the familiar scent of the library. It's raining outside, and the relentless skittering sound puts my heart at rest as I try to forgot everything and drown in one peaceful, empty moment. No such luck. I sigh. Stupid jerk. I am now officially obsessed with him... and from being the little girl who hated him, I become the lovesick puppy that can't get her thoughts off him.

I give up on my essay. Sweeping my wand, my things pack themselves. Swinging my bag onto my shoulder, I slip quietly out of the library, smiling at the librarian, who beams at me. I walk back to my dormitory, and I check my watch. 6.17 p.m. I sigh and try to shake my thoughts off.

As I stroll down the corridor, I meet Mabel Boot, with her face looking like it had been raped by crayons, as usual. She pouts and shoots me a dirty look. I ignore her completely. She's hounded after Potter for years, and will never forgive me for 'capturing his heart'. She and her girlfriend Alysha Patil have been shooting me scathing glares since I first stepped foot in here, because Patil worships Boot, and let's just say Boot is a slutty brat.

"Hey, Evans," she calls in her high-pitched squawk. "I heard Potter bedded you last night!"

"Go see Madam Pomfrey, you're hearing things that weren't said," I say smoothly, although I'm irritated. Little bi- Don't cuss, Lily Evans you are a Prefect - almost...

I just ignore whatever rude comment she makes and round the corner. "Holly-hockles," I say to the Fat Lady, who lets me in. I sprint up to the girls' dormitory and stuff my things into my trunk. I have one and three-quarter hours before I meet him, but I decide to get prepared first. I have a lot of trouble picking my clothes, but I end up with a plain dark red – my hair is actually red, not orange-red like the Prewetts and Weasleys, so it doesn't really clash – sweater and a pair of black slacks. I grab my things, make sure I have my wand and dash to the Prefect's bathroom.

Since the bathroom is free-for-all-Prefects, I put on my swimming-costume for precautionary measures. I let the bath fill with steamy water – it is winter, you know – and play with the bubbles. I choose a sweet, striking lemongrass scented foam that resembles fluffy snowy, and massive beautiful translucent ones hinted with luminous sea tones, and I sink into the water with a moan. I suck at swimming, so I just soak in the delicious heat of the water. I can feel my muscles slowly loosening and the bubbles caressing my skin, and my mind floats away... I am in heaven...

I must have stayed in the sweet bliss at least half an hour. I wand-dry my hair and put on my 'date-clothes'. Merlin, I shudder at the word. I creep upstairs, meeting no one – I had left my lazy friends when I went into the library. Obviously, fashion-freak Rosalie is already there to get me ready, criticism ready on her lips. I should have known...

"Lily Evans, what are you wearing?!" she shrieked. "You cannot wear that for a date with James Potter! And your hair! It-"

Whatever she says is unintelligible as she begins intruding my closet. Apparently, nothing there appeases her and she begins rummaging through her own wardrobe. She shoves a bundle of clothes at me and throws me into the bathroom. The next hour is a blur of wands, fabrics, hair products, accessories and lots of criticism from Rosalie.

Rosalie has dressed me in a cream-coloured, high-collared blouse netted over with dark blue floral lace and slightly puffy sleeves to the elbow where it tightens with a button, and very tight dark jeans, and a smart navy-blue leather jacket. She's applied minimal make-up – thank Merlin – which consists of a clear cherry-flavoured lip-gloss, rouge and dark blue eye-shadow and thin mascara. She pulls my red hair into a French twist, secured with a gold and sapphire comb, leaving long languid curls to fall around my back and frame my face, and forces me into ridiculously high dark blue three-inch heels. I fall over several times before she performs a tricky balance-spell I've never heard of. My ankles hurt, but at least I feel taller, which is good, because I would feel really small next to Potter – my 5'1 to his 5'11.

"Good luck, girl!" Rosalie squeals excitedly. "Go, go, go! It's already five to six!"

Suddenly I don't want to go! I can barely breathe and my stomach is writhing uncomfortably. But I have no choice, and Rosalie is shoving me out the door.

Five minutes later, I'm at the entrance of the Great Hall, and couples and trios and larger groups are streaming out, all chattering happily. I glance around nervously, but Potter is late. I should have known. Potter is always late! I lean against the wall and shove my hands into my pockets, swallowing nervously, my eyes darting around till... I see him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Just a reminder, this is in James Potter's POV. I have little idea on how to narrate a lovesick arrogant boy's opinions, but I did my best and I hope you aren't disappointed. This chapter is my longest one yet, and I'm not very sure exactly how to narrate a date... but... oh well. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 11

I run my hand through my hair again, and Sirius groans impatiently. "You look fine, James! Evan's going to love you!" "You sure?" I reply uncertainly, turning in front of the mirror. God, what is this girl doing to me? She's making me bloody nervous! Long-sleeved white button-up and dark blue jeans – classic and sophisticated, exactly what Colette Prewett – who secretly dates Sirius – claims Lily loves... Yes, I think of her as Lily, unlike what I talk to her with, because I know one day she will love me back... Lily Evans is beauty and perfection in human form. Though I have to admit I was quite shocked at what she did. She practically shattered me. Then, she decided to apologize and I conned her into this dream today... Oh, I can't get her out of my head. I am so in love with her. I've been in love with this angel since I first set eyes on her in year one. Too bad she's friends with that two-faced git Snivellus. She deserves someone better, someone like me. Someone who really cares, someone who is good enough for her... She gave me a huge blow in the ego when she rejected me in the first year. Ever since then, I've been hounding her, because I'm so head-over-heels with her, my whole world revolves around her heavenly presence and adorable attitude. Let's face it – she's hot, she's smart, she's friendly, she's perfection with attitude, and well, a little less perfection. I mean, at least she's not a Mary-Sue, or one of those stuck-up sluts like Mabel Boot or Melanie Malfoy. And she's so beautiful. Her hair is actually scarlet, not orange, and her eyes... The beautiful rich emeralds that shine with so much emotion...

In short, I am lovesick and completely blown over for Lily Evans. I swear on my grave she's my soul mate, and she's doing something really powerful, because I am not corny, but I'd do anything for her, and when she smiles I just wish I was the one making her smile, and that when she cries I want to be her shoulder to lean on, and when she's upset I want to rip up anyone that made her sad, and I...!

"James Potter it is already seven o'clock! Do not leave your date waiting!" Sirius yells at me. I scowl before comprehending what he said. Merlin, it's already seven o' clock? How long have I spent trying to perfect my looks? Two hours? Three hours? This woman is taking over my life! But she is so freaking worth it... I take one more glance at the mirror and adjust my glasses before Remus, Sirius and Peter shove me out the door so roughly it was purely Seeker's reflex that I managed to stay upright and catch the cloak that's thrown out after me. I scowl at the closed door before glancing at my watch. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! I sprint out of the dorm, down the stairs and towards the Great Hall. My hand absentmindedly leapt to my ruffled hair as I glanced around fervently. Where is she? Where is she?

Then my eye catches her. She's leaning against the wall, trying to make herself as small as possible, her hands in her pockets, an adorable blush creeping over her soft pale freckled cheeks. She's dressed in a cream blouse veiled in dark blue lace and elbow-length sleeves, and tight jeans that make me want to drool over her, and tall heels that accentuate her long beautiful legs, and a navy-blue leather jacket wrapped snugly around her. Blue is not her best colour, but she looks delicious in it all the same. Her flaming hair which I adore to no end is twisted gorgeously into a French twist set with a gold and sapphire comb.

She hasn't seen me yet, so I just stand stock-still for a moment and take in her form as a grin stretches over my face. I have finally got Lily Evans on a date with me! Then she sees me, and my grin widens further as she blushes darker. She shifts uncomfortably as I take my time swaggering over and flushes to the shade I doubt can get any darker.

She looks at me, almost coyly, from under her long lashes as she smiles tightly at me and I almost swoon. "Evans," I smile widely. "Potter," she mumbles, averting eyes.

"Shall we go?" My mouth almost hurts from the huge grin stretched across it, but I can't seem to stop smiling. She nods a little. Seeing her in such an adorable state makes me incredibly happy. Actually she almost always makes me incredibly happy, but she's just so sweet right now I feel like I could burst from excitement.

"Where to?"

"Um, I don't know, shall we go to, I don't know, Honeydukes, first?" she mumbles, flustered. She's so cute when she's flustered. "Sure thing, love," I grin. She opens her mouth, ready to retort, but I can see her mentally biting her lip. I'd prefer that she didn't mind sincerely, but this is my chance to make it sincere, so I just enjoy it.

It's a cold day. The snow's not yet fallen, but there's a frozen gale whipping around, and Lily shivers. I automatically slip my cloak over her, and she gives me a strange look, and I just smile innocently at her. "Thank... you," she mumbles stiffly. I do my best to stifle laughter and quip a straight face. As we walk along, I can sense she's trying to keep her distance, but the cold is drawing her closer to me.

When we enter the crowded little shop, she relaxes and sort of slides away a bit, only to have me move even closer. "What shall we look at? Let's look at the pranking sweets..." I gleefully drag Lily to my favourite part of the entire sweet shop.

"What about this one?" I say excitedly, shoving a box in her face. "Wriggling Toffees, why would I want that?" she asks, perplexed. "And, why would I want Cockroach Cluster, or Bogey-Flavoured Lollipops?" I sighed. "To prank people, of course!" My eyes widened as I clutched her arm and gave her puppy-dog eyes. Pranking people is so fun! Especially that git Snivellus... But I shouldn't tell Lily that.

"OK, fine," she says, rolling her eyes. "What about these?"

And I find myself thinking, who knew Lily Evans was so good at finding the perfect candies? I think her particular favourite was a cream-flavoured macaroon filled with a powder that makes your voice all squeaky and high-pitched – partially because she actually tricked me into trying it... She practically rolled on the floor in laughter when I screamed, "Lily Evans, what have you done to me!" in a voice higher than Rosalie Brown's, and that's saying something. I was kind of pissed at first, but she looked so happy, I just brushed it away. What is this woman doing to me? Basically, we bought half the shop, and I figured out Lily's favourite candy – honey-topped, chocolate-coated raspberries. Who knew Lily was so unhealthy? As we exit Honeydukes, we hear a strange – and familiar – sound. From the corner of my eye, I see it, and I try to steer Lily away, but she frowns. "No, really, Potter, what is that sound?"

"Nothing! Nothing," I exclaim nervously, trying to drag her away from turning the corner.

"Potter, unhand me this minute or else!" she threatens, waving her wand, the dangerous glint of the fierce little lioness lighting up her murderous green orbs. I really shouldn't have, but hey, Lily Evans menacingly threatening to hex you – I'm too young and handsome to die!

"Really, Evans, it's none of your business! Heh, heh, you might be disturbing a very private-private moment..." My nervous chuckle dies down when Lily jerks me – she's pretty strong for someone her size – around the curve of the wall. Her hand on my elbow drops, and so does her jaw.

Lily Evans has figured out the two-year secret – that her best mate is dating my best mate and are making out three feet away from her against a wall.

"COLETTE DIANA PREWETT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" she screams. The couple in front of her break apart, and for a moment, little Prewett's face expresses the type of shock someone gets when they are unexpectedly stabbed, or caught snogging your best friend's worst enemy's best mate, aka now, and her face drains completely of blood – and so does Sirius', because there's no kidding with Lily when she's this mad. Then, Prewett stiffens and grins sheepishly.

"Um, hi, Lily... Meet my, uh, boyfriend, uh, Sirius Black," she mumbles nervously, averting eyes. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I can practically hear her saying that to herself.

"How long? How long?" Lily demands furiously, seizing Prewett's upper-arm in a vice-like grip. I wince for Prewett's sake – that grasp looks like it could leave black-and-purple spots on her arm permanently. When Prewett doesn't answer, Lily half-screams, "How long, Colette?"

"Two years," Prewett whispers, turning her cheek, her eyes glistening. Lily sighs and releases Colette's arm, her eyes unforgiving, her mouth a cruel line of steel.

"Colette," she says in a soft, dangerous tone. "Colette, why am I angry at you?"

Prewett's voice trembles as she spoke, and I felt sorry for her as she grasps Sirius' hand for encouragement. "B-because I'm dating James Potter's best friend."

"No." Prewett looks up and meets Lily' cool eyes in surprise. "Then-then, why are you mad? Aren't-aren't you angry I'm dating Sirius?"

Lily's beautiful eyes were filled with compassion and internal beauty and genteel, and she says softly, "No, Colette, I'm not angry you're dating Black – that's Andromeda's job." That leaves us all bamboozled. What? She's not mad because of that? Then why the Hell was she so worked-up?

"It's because, Colette," Lily's voice half-broke, "I thought you knew that you could trust me. The blow of realizing you don't trust your best friend enough to tell her your boyfriend. I can accept Black. If this is who you are, I can cope with it. Your my best friend, Colette, and I respect every one of your decisions, regardless how foolish they are, lest they are evil. Colette, realizing you didn't trust me – that's what made me so damn upset. That my best friend couldn't trust me, didn't see fit to tell me her 'secret' for two bloody years. Don't you know that I love and respect you, Colette? Don't you know I'd do my best to work with whatever you say or do? That I'd always stand by your side? Why don't you trust me when I trust you? This is what friends... this is what friends are for, Colette. I would've understood."

Prewett looks at her, utterly speechless, her eyes glittering, her jaw hanging. Lily just looked at her with beautiful sad angel eyes. "Lily," Prewett whispers, shaking. "Lily, I'm so sorry. I just... I didn't want you to feel upset." "I know," Lily give her a watery smile as they envelop each other in a hug, sobbing into each other's arms. What the heck – what just happened? I exchange a look with Sirius. _Girls._

Finally they break apart. "Who knows?" Lily asks.

"The Maradaurs and our girl-group."

"So, I was the only one it was kept from?"

"Um, yeah. You see, Lily, we agreed that you wouldn't be very pleased, if you, er, found out," Prewett mumbles. I was currently feeling very awkward. Hello, I'm not an emotional teenage girl! Sirius clears his throat, and the two girls jump, throw him a nasty look and continue their conversation. "Colette, you have to trust me in the future," Lily implores, looking deep into Prewett's eyes. What I would do to have her stare into my soul so pleadingly...

Prewett swallowed, smiled brightly and nodded. Lily gives her a megawatt smile which makes me start dreaming, and they both kiss each others' cheeks. Why doesn't Lily kiss me? I'm the one she's dating!

Anyway, with that, it's all the mushy bye-bye, and Lily talking to Sirius ("I swear, Black, if you hurt her I will hex your balls of and make it bloody hurt, am I understood?") and we took off. Her eyes are glazed over, and I can see she's concentrating hard on her thoughts. She's all tensed-up and stiff, so I lead her to the Three Broomsticks for a drink to calm her down.

When we enter the noisy pub, her tensed shoulders loosen, and I place a hand on her shoulder. She tries to shrug me off, but I tighten my hold. "Evans," I whisper in her ear. "Hunter is here." She immediately re-tenses. I grin internally. Derek Hunter is her most aggressive admirer. Even though she doesn't know it, Lily has half the boys in school panting over her, but as I said, she doesn't know. Which has nothing to do with me. Unless you count me telling Sirius to threaten them into staying away or we'll personally – ahem – do something about it – cough-cough prank cough-cough embarrass cough-cough take away their 'family-jewels' cough-cough. Which should not be counted.

Anyway, despite all the warnings, Hunter went ahead and told Evans he was crazy for her. Her expression was priceless. If I remember correctly, she laughed and asked if he was serious. When she realized he was serious, she threw a vase at him, screamed and fled for her life. She learnt about thirty spells on warding off people that afternoon, because Hunter lives up to his name.

Okay, I'll admit it, Hunter is quite a looker, he's on the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and he's got a couple of brain cells in there. But at least Lily doesn't care figs for him, because she's mine and he doesn't deserve her one wit.

At first Lily ignored him, but then he tried to make a move on her, and Remus happened to be passing by and saved her, and ever since then, Lily wouldn't go near him with a ten-foot broomstick, though he stalks her. Very, very creepily. Not like the way I stalk Lily. Kind of.

Anyway, back to the present. Hunter shoots her a lascivious wink from where he's having a drink with his mates, and she tosses back a scathing look, leaning a little closer into me. He then shoots the innocent little old me a dirty look, which I return with the James Potter smirk.

I turn my attention back to my little angel. "Let's go get a drink," I say. She nods and we walk over to Mister Rosmerta. "Two Butterbeers, please."

He gives us a glance from where he was serving a bunch of foreign wizards, doing his best to decipher the garbled English and serve all eight of them. "Claire will get you in a minute. Claire – Claire, come here a minute, love, and serve these customers for me, please!" A pretty little girl of nine or ten, Claire Rosmerta, his daughter, with flyaway blond hair and bright eyes bounces forward, her cheeks flushed.

"Ooh, Lily, you have a boyfriend!" Claire chirped excitedly. "Two Butterbeers, I presume?"

Lily begins spluttering but I just grin brightly. "Yep, took her long enough, isn't it?" Claire giggles as she pulls two bottles of Butterbeer from under the counter. "Four Sickles." I reach into my jeans pocket and pull out four of the round silver coins, and I'm about to pass them to Claire when Lily exclaims, "Wait, wait!" She extracts a couple of Sickles from her back pocket and continues, "We'll split it, it's only fair that way." That takes me aback. All the rich pureblood girls my parents forced me to take out during the summer – like that snotty Melanie Malfoy and Amelia Bones, who isn't that bad, or Jeanine Parkinson, who is worse, and even Andromeda Black, one of Lily's friends, who was decent except that Sirius kept me with all the big-brother talks and stuff – they were all different. I had always been expected to pay for everything, always been expected to make all the sacrifices. Well, Lily Evans is different, I guess. Maybe she's not pureblood or filthy rich, but she's better than the rest any day.

Anyway, in the end I get my way, with a breathless-from-laughter Claire and a slightly disgruntled Lily Evans, who stiffly thanks me. Merlin, she's so cute when she's awkward! We take a seat near a window and Lily releases a soft sigh as she sits down and takes off my cloak and her jacket.

A screechy shriek pierces the air, and Lily and I both wince. We turn and see – oh, Merlin, save me. It's that Mabel Boot girl. She's my scariest fan yet, I've found her spying on me in the most unsuspecting times. She's always at the Quidditch Pitch when I'm practicing, always hovering close by during meal-times, sitting as near as possible during Gryffindor-Ravenclaw classes, and I swear for half a year half my food was spiked. The memory of her makes me shudder – love-crazed woman.

"Ev-aans!" she screams, screwing up her ugly little eyes. "What are you doing with my Jamsie?" I cringe. Jamsie? Where the Hell did that come from?

Lily calmly looks at her. "Having a drink," she says smoothly. "Care for one?"

Boot looks ready to blow up. Her face is turning purple – not from her horrible taste of make-up, though it could be possible – and her eyes are bugging out like frogs'. Her fists are clenching and her knuckles are white against the skimpy black-lace outfit that reminds of a hooker and leaves very little imagination. "You," she squalls in fury, her over-made-up face blotchy and squashed-up, her finger accusingly pointing in Lily's direction. "You will pay for this! Jamsie is mine! He will see that we are meant for each other, one day!" Now that thought is utterly revolting.

"Really?" Lily says coolly, sipping her drink. "What are you going to do? I'm completely terrified. I'd rather die than see your painted face."

"Well, I'd rather be a slug than seeing your snotty face!"

"Hey, guess, what, I'd rather you be a slug, too! Don't you think there are a few similarities, James, dear? I mean, there the eyes, and the nose, can you see it? Oh, wait, and the hair, she has about as much as a slug, don't you think? Pretty similar, if you ask-"

Screaming in rage, she lunges at Lily and tackles her to the floor. I can't exactly remember what happened next, I was blinded by my rage – as I earlier mentioned, anyone hurting a hair on my Lily's head makes me mad enough to skewer the empty-headed bigoted moron that has the audacity to insult her!

All I know is that I'm currently grabbing Boot's upper arm, pinning her roughly to the glass-and-Butterbeer-littered floor. Every eye is intensely focused on this big drama unfolding. Lily is on the floor, gasping for breath, her hand clutching her delicate pale cheek. An angry scarlet line stretches over her flawless features, marring the creamy complexion. In Boot's hand is a fist of Lily's beautiful lustrous red hair. The sight of Lily tearing up in the pain of the deep cut and Boot ripping out some of her hair releases the wild monster within me, and I roar in a rage, "You little bitch!" I raise my hand to deliver a blow on Boot, and a well-earned one at that, and my fist would have contacted her paint-caked face of Lily hadn't grabbed my wrist.

"No, Potter, don't hit her!" "Evans, get off, she bloody deserves it!" "No! Please, stop." Lily looks at me desperately, an epitome of innocent and angelic beauty, of compassion and forgiveness. I reluctantly release Boot, and she scrambles gracelessly to her feet.

"Oh, you will pay for this, Lily Evans!" she howls, running out of the now-silent pub.

For a moment, there's no sound but Lily's and my heavy breathing, and to me, the hard pounding of blood surging in my ears, the rapid thump of my aggravated heart. When I look around, every eye is still on me. "What are you looking at?" I snap raspily at the crowds, maybe harsher than I meant to. Maybe it was my voice, or just it all taking hold of her, but suddenly Lily releases a loud sob, covers her mouth jerkily, hiccups, and flees.

"Wha-Evans, wait!" I cry in horror. I stumble to my feet and take off after her. Sheets of rain blur my vision as I try to lock it on her retreating figure, and I tear after her. I can see her blurry outline stumble towards the castle, and I dog her steps.

She finally stops under a towering, gnarled, leafy willow by the Black Lake. I see her hide her face in her beautiful tiny hands, her small silhouette barely visible in the shady darkness, but her soaked red hair, slick against her back, flames.

"Evans, Evans," I croon softly as I approach in a few quick steps. She doesn't move, save the racking movement of her sobbing little figure as she slowly slides to the muddy floor. I rush forward and scoop her upwards, half-carrying her as she buries her face in my chest and sobs. My heart breaks at her pitiful state and the way she cries so freely.

My knees buckle and I kneel on the muddy grass-beds, Lily clutching by shoulders, crying into my shirt, my arms wrapped around her small figure. "Oh Lily, what's wrong? Please tell me, you're breaking my heart," I whisper softly. She can hardly speak, and her words are so choked I can barely make them out.

"Because, Potter, because of you! Because of you all these-these conflicted emotions. Because my best friend couldn't find the right to tell me that she was dating Black. Because of you Mabel Boot despises me. Because of you I can't have a day's peace in my life. Then, you nearly hit her. You nearly hit a girl, just because she gave me a little scratch!"

"A little scratch! Evans, your whole face..." Horror reflects in my eyes as I try to wipe the scarlet blood leaking over the beautiful pale contrast of her skin, and my heart pains even as I heal it with my wand.

"But, Potter, it would have made you as petty as her!" Lily continues. "Because you would have use violence, not even to set it right, but to give her 'what she deserves'! Because you recklessly tried to hurt her! Hurt her! Sometimes, I wonder if you have any morals at all. For revenge, unnecessary and violent and foolish vengeance! Don't you see what you're doing? Potter, you're bringing yourself almost to her level. There are ways to solve that, ways other than viciously attacking her like a-like a monster!"

My face darkens, and I open my mouth to protest, but she places her soft tiny finger on my lips, silencing me, and continues, her eyes downcast, as she whispers, barely audible in the relentless shower of rain, looking strangely pretty with dark streaks of mascara sliding down her face and red hair flying all over, "And because I don't want to believe..." She looks me in the eye, through the windows of my soul, and I feel a shudder at the intense scrutiny, of pleasure and unknown fear. "I don't want to believe that I love you." And her lips meet mine.

She tastes sweet, just like the two times before...

The first time she kissed me, I thought it was a distraction, but my mind kept wandering, kept bringing me back to that beautiful moment. All this positive psychology, it opposes of my heart. In honesty, I'm scared. When I first met Lily Evans, I fell for her so heavily I could have bloody proposed on the spot at the age of eleven! For five years, I tried to convince myself it was puppy love, but the feeling just grew stronger and stronger, and I knew that Lily was my soul-mate – but I don't know if I'm hers. I don't deserve her. I just love her so much my heart aches every time I look at her. Even every flaw, I embrace it. I embrace her existence. She is my life.

The first time she kissed me, I thought it was a distraction. But I began to hope she was actually falling for me – but I feared cruel disappointment. But I hoped, as a human does of his most desperate dreams, unconditionally, and when she kissed me the second time I wanted to believe she loved me – but I was scared. When it came to Lily, all my Gryffindor courage is evaporated. I had always feared unrequited love. She broke my heart every time she carelessly rejected me, like I meant less than nothing to her. But I kept trying, trying because of Gryffindor hope. Trying because I couldn't bear to lose her. I could tell she wanted someone sweet and caring – I'd be exactly that if she'd let me. I don't know how to prove my love any other way than I have been futilely attempting hopelessly.

The second time I wanted to believe she loved me. I was halfway there, but I had to be wary. She could be just playing – teasing, and I don't know if I can take that.

But this third time she's kissed me, this time that she's admitted she's falling in love with me. She doesn't want to believe it. Must she hate me so? If she fell in love with another, left me forever, my purpose of life will have seemed to disappear. But she has admitted she's falling for me – and Merlin, I just want to believe it so bad...

But this third time she's kissed me...

I can savour her sweet flavour, inhale the delicious, fresh scent of lemongrass, taste her – her aromatic lemongrass scent, her flavour of honey and coffee and unnamed flavours – I don't ever want to let go. I can feel her little hand running through my hair, and I can feel the other running up my back, sending tingles up my spine, and I feel my hands slipping over her back, my fingers caressing her little head, cupping her soft cheeks, the smell of rain enhancing her fresh scent...

I never want to let go, but unfortunately even wizards and witches need oxygen, and we break apart. We draw in huge rasping breaths, and Lily takes a step back – and trips on a clump of mushrooms.

My yell mingles with her scream as she topples into the Black Lake.


	12. Chapter 12

**I know, Lily had a really really bad day, but it's about to get worse. And of course she's 'okay', she's our main character! And it's pretty obvious James went ahead and played hero...**

**By the way, I'm posting this early because I can't post for a while and I hope this will keep you occupied.**

**Thanks for all your encouragement. :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 12

_The shadow slipped over the bookshelves as the two figures crept across. That night, book was 'borrowed' from the Restricted Section of the Library._

...

The first thing I notice is that a low moan is rumbling on my lips, and that from behind my eyelids, I can sense a blinding pure white light surrounding me, which makes me groan softly – so bright, too bright, turn it off... The sheets around me are soft and smooth and crisp and cool, and the mattress I lay sprawled on is firm but cushy, and the pillows that cushion my head are fluffy and soft, but I ache all over, my nose and throat flaming, my arms and legs sore, my head is throbbing dully but painfully, but all the aches seem petty compared to the sizzling burning sensation on my neck. I must have had a really tiring sports test yesterday, and in a minute Petunia's going to come along and drag me out of bed for breakfast... Urgh... I don't want to get up.

Ow... My neck really hurts. It feels like the time I was bit by a spider, it hurt like hell, maybe I got bitten again yesterday... Ow... I had a really horrible dream last night. I wanted so desperately to break free from that nightmare... Recounting in my mind makes me shudder.

_I dreamt of water – cold water. It was swirling around me, it was caressing my skin, almost gently, but it burned, burned like flame and like ice, and I remember streams of white... bubbles. It was spiralling above me. Below me was darkness, a void of nothingness and pain and cold, just cold... but above me there was light, a soft white glow, rippled over constantly, stained with blotches of darkness, but the light signified hope... I struggled to rise upwards, but my throat was burning, and my nose was burning, and I was being dragged, I was pulled, I was sinking. It was dragging me, imprisoning me, condemning me, I felt so heavy, so helpless, the water controlling me, wrapping its liquid fingers around me and pulling me down, down, down... I remember screaming into the water. I remember a flaming throat and a frozen tongue, and a pressure squeezing those soundless screams from me, nothing but erupting volcanoes of bubbles pouring from my frozen lips, and I remember a feeling of dark despair as I sunk into dark and watery depths, and the light faded into the darkness, and my hope was lost. Then a searing pain stung the back of my neck, and I felt fingers grasp my wrist... not water, but solid flesh, and it did not burn like fire or like ice, but was warm, reassuring warmth of hope and salvation... And I blanked over in the depths of dark despair._

_And in the thoughtless darkness, I saw a flickering of colour, and I saw a Muggle photograph. It has a girl in it... me. But I'm grown-up, maybe twenty or twenty-one. I'm standing next to a tall man, with untidy black hair, glasses and chocolate eyes. I know him, but I can't put a finger to who he is, and his face for some reason makes my heart soar... And in my arms is a tiny figure. It's a baby, with a mop of inky hair and... and my eyes – dark green. Exactly my eyes... When I look at him – somehow I know it is a he – my heart... It flames, but with such a beautiful feeling – an unnamed feeling I don't understand – love, adoration? I've never felt such an attachment to this beautiful baby. So tiny, so helpless, so innocent and pure and sweet. It caused a feeling, a stirring I've never encountered, so strong I could hardly bear it._

_Then I see it. Leaking from the corner of the other me's eye is something scarlet, a deep, rich and beautiful colour – blood. I can see it as it slowly slides over my cheekbone... Down the concave of my cheek... Over the curve of my chin... Down my throat..._

_Then I realize there's blood leaking from the man beside me as well... I realize that there is crimson staining the edges, etched over the paper, and its seeping, fast, so fast, its clouding the photograph... No! It's obscuring me and the man beside me... Somehow I can't bear to see him fade away into the scarlet, and I find myself praying, crying, screaming as I lunge forward, as I desperately claw at the paper but nothing I do can put a dent in the transformation... Merlin, no, please, no, I'm falling into the red... When I see him being taken over by the red, I hear a smashing, cracking sound, like my heart is shattering, and it's so painful I can't breathe, and my eyes are stinging... I can smell death as I choke on tears..._

_And behind the scarlet, I see flame, singing the paper, and I smell smoke, and there's ash fluttering every, cinders swirling, darkening and clouding my vision, and when it all disappears, there's only the little boy left. There's no more smile left on his little face, nothing but a lone crystalline tear and a lightning-bolt-shaped scar cut cruelly over his creamy little forehead, and my heart is ripping, ripping, as what is left the paper flutters to the floor at my feet. And the ebony cinder covers me in eternal darkness as all hell freezes over._

My eyes blink open. Eh? No Petunia – no Mother? No – I see nothing but a nigh blinding stretch of white. I try to move my stiff hand, but I wince – it hurt just lying there. Moving it felt like practically plunging it into the Gryffindor fireplace. My throat feels painful and raspy even as I breathe. I must have had a really, really bad sports test.

Wait a second, the ceiling in my room is Gryffindor scarlet, not white.

Oh. Ohhhhhhhh...

"Oh – Miss Evans?" I nearly scream in pain when I turn my head, but I manage with long, shuddering breaths and stinging eyes. My eyes lift to the intruder – at least that doesn't hurt. "Professor Dumbledore?" I croak hoarsely, trying out my tongue – my throat feels like its dying to talk, but I'm elated to finally figure out – or, well, not so elated – that I'm in the Hogwarts infirmary.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin...

"You should be asleep! Merlin, my dear Lily, Poppy – Madame Pomfrey to you – will have my head if you don't go to sleep now..."

"Professor... Professor, what happened?" Even as I speak, I feel myself drowning in heavy drowsiness as sleep pulls me back into dark depths.

Professor Dumbledore chuckles, his bright twinkling blue eyes almost painful to look at. "Let's just say you took a little swim, and Mr. Potter decided to join in. As for the pain on your neck -" he could sense the unasked question on my lips, "- just don't worry about it now, dear."

"Mm..." I find myself nodding off to sleep.

...

When I next wake, it is Madame Pomfrey I see. Her dusky brown hair is tucked under her sterile white handkerchief, her warm brown eyes bright and alert, set in her stern young face. She was the most talented Healer Professor Dumbledore could acquire, and she was indeed clever – she was only about twenty-eight and already a professional for a few years.

"Dear, dear," she says disapprovingly as she concocted some kind of potion, looking at me sternly as I blink sleep away from my eyes, noticing the curtains drawn around my bed, "youngsters these days. And as for Mr. Potter, I couldn't get him away from you. Mr. Black and Lupin and Pettigrew had to bring him his meals." I jerk in surprise as I realise there's a gentle warmth on my left hand, which is above the sheets. My eyes find a large, tan hand laid gently on mine, and I realise there's a mop of mussed-up ebony black hair near it. My cheeks flame when I realise James had pulled a chair up to my bed, his head now resting on one arm as his other hand held mine gently. My thoughts are pulled away from him when Madame Pomfrey taps my shoulder and says, "Here, drink this... Such a nasty wound..."

"Oh!" I cry at the sudden remembrance of the burning feeling at the back of my neck. "W-"

"I think it would be better if Professor Dumbledore explained that," Madame Pomfrey said shortly, bustling over with the tumbler of smooth clear liquid. I obediently swallow the potion, and it produces a burning but somehow pleasant sensation, though it is tasteless, and after a few seconds, the pain in my neck subsides. I'm thrilled when I realise I can move my stiff limbs with only a dull throbbing and ache – at least I wouldn't be trying to stop tears when I move.

"Good girl, don't try to move too much," Madame Pomfrey commands sternly as she clears the tumbler away with her wand.

"How long have I been out cold?" I ask, wincing at my stiff jaw.

Madame Pomfrey looks at me sympathetically as she says gravely, "Three weeks six days." If I had something to choke on, I would have choked on it.

"But that's nearly four weeks!" I exclaim in horror. "All my schoolwork! All my... homework..." My voice subsides in disbelief as my eye catches the pile of parchment on my side-table – no doubt my four-weeks worth of homework. How am I supposed to catch up? I was about to start to student-panic when James stirs. My attention immediately jerks to him. He mumbles a little, still asleep, but his hand on mine tightens ever so slightly, and I can't stop a slight smile. Wait, since when did I start calling him James?

"Yes, very sweet of him, isn't it, Miss Evans?" an old voice muses. My face lights up in joy when I see Professor Dumbledore.

"Professor!" I smile brightly despite my stiff jaw. He smiles at me kindly, his bright blue eyes twinkling like stars as he sits in a chair next to me. "I expect you want me to tell you what happened," he beams, reading my mind. I nod enthusiastically like a little kid.

"Well, as far as I am aware of, you had a little accident by the Black Lake. When you fell in, Mr. Potter happened to be near and of course as a Gryffindor he jumped in. When he pulled you out, you were out cold but screaming hysterically, which nearly blew him over, and he dragged you to the Hospital Wing as fast as possible. Poor Madame Pomfrey nearly had a heart-attack. From what I gathered... Miss Evans, have you noticed a pain on your neck? Of course you have, but drawing attention to it... I presume, Miss Evans, that when you fell into the Lake, you could not swim and began sinking to the bottom. Do you recall our dear Giant Squid? We have him there for a reason. At first, he was for Care of Magical Creatures studies, but soon after, we – the Professors and I – acquired a little more knowledge about him.

Miss Evans, you were drowning, so the Giant Squid took action. He stung the back of your neck with a poison, Miss Evans, that would knock you out and insert a potion that would allow you to breathe under water and float to the top, and after you rose a few feet, Mr. Potter managed to get at you. However, Miss Evans, Giant-Squid poison has similarities to unicorn blood. He did not save your life, Miss Evans, he simply prolonged it. The poison, notice I call it poison, holds a curse. While drugging you to save you from drowning, it curses you. As I earlier mentioned, it has similarities to unicorn blood – you will not live to die a natural death, and your life will be a cursed one from the moment you become an adult. But, it is also more dangerous than unicorn blood. It will be a blessing and a curse to your descendants, and the fate of your future loved one's will be the same as yours.

Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether this incident saved you, or ruined you, and I am afraid, Miss Evans, it is above my power and knowledge to save you. There is no reverse."

I could die right here, at this moment. I look at Professor Dumbledore for reassurance.

His blue eyes are grave, and hold no twinkle, no humour, no jokes. They betray no secret, tell no lies. He is telling me the truth.

I am cursed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Yay, I'm back early! OK. Moving on. By the way, we're following the story by JK Rowling.**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own.**

Chapter 13

"Now, Lily," Professor Dumbledore said sternly but somehow kindly at the same time, "You must not tell anyone this. For now. Understand?" Lily, dumbstruck, could only nod her head slightly. The Professor's heart ached when he saw his poor student looking so despairing, but he could offer no comfort – there was no comfort to be offered.

"Lily," Professor Dumbledore said softly. "Lily, your friends are waiting outside for you. Are you ready to meet them?" She nodded, almost imperceptibly and turned her dewy sad eyes to her Professor, answering shakily, "Yes, sir."

He nodded and smiled fondly at her. She had always held his favour though she didn't realize it. He gave her one last comforting look before he turned to walk out. He sensed Lily shifting uncomfortably behind him.

He sighed as he swiftly – for a man of nearly a hundred – swept up to the Headmaster's office. He sat down on his chair as he stroked Fawkes, and the beautiful phoenix cooed. His face was set, but his eyes betrayed his sympathy, his grief, his wariness and his hope as he pulled a sheaf of yellowing papers bundled with wrinkled leather, what most had the audacity to call a book, and reread the last paragraph.

Meanwhile, back at the Hospital Wing, five girls practically flew into the curtains and huddled around Lily's bed. Colette was crying as she nearly suffocated Lily, and Rosalie was babbling hysterically in anxiety as the other three girls crowded around the bed.

"Oh my God, Lily, I'm so sorry," Colette wept. "I should have gone nearer, I should have been less slow-reacting, I'm sorry, but the shock, please, Lils, my mind just went blank, I'm so, so sorry-"

"Colette, what are you talking about?" Lily asked, bewildered. Rosalie managed a watery smile and a laugh. "Show her, Colette, show her!" she urged, and Lily was even more confused. Her brows furrowed further when three Muggle photographs were shoved into her lap. Her face matched her hair a moment later, and her girlfriends began laughing hysterically.

Sitting on her bedspreads were three stationary but coloured photographs – the first of James running after her, the second of him holding her face tenderly in his hands, and the last of them locked in a fiery, passionate kiss.

At the loud laughter, James stirred a little as Madame Pomfrey bustled in with a hard face. "Good Merlin, you're disturbing the patients! Miss Evans needs rest! Out! Out, now!"

"But it's no fair, Madame Pomfrey!" Colette whined. "How come Potter gets to stay?"

"Potter has special permission to be here! You on the other hand – out!"

Groans filled the Wing as Lily's friends hugged her tight and promised to visit soon.

Lily sighed as the curtains drew shut, leaving her alone – then she remembered James was there. When she turned to look at him, he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, a big grin stretched over his face.

"Potter!" Lily half-shrieked, her eyes widening. "I thought you were asleep!" He just smirked and said, "Feeling better?" She nodded, sinking back into her mattresses. Then his eye caught the three photographs, and his grin spread into a typical James Potter malicious smirk, one which Lily couldn't help but adore though she hurriedly tried to sweep them away. Of course, the Seeker beat her to it.

"What's this? What amazing photography, don't you think? And the two models look so cute together!" he chirped in delight. Lily rolled her eyes and snatched the paper back. Stuffing it absentmindedly onto the side-table, she turned back to James, and took a deep breath.

"Hey, James, uh, thanks for, you know, saving me," Lily offered a smile.

"Does this mean I get another hopefully better date?" James asked hopefully, as excited as a puppy on its first walk, his entire face lighting up. Lily rolled her eyes. "Aww, come on, Lily, I was your knight in shining armour! I jumped in to save you! Don't I get a reward?"

"Maybe," Lily teased, her eyes tired from rolling.

James cheered again, but stopped abruptly at the thought of being chased out. "Hey, you'd better go back to sleep, or Madame Pomfrey will skin me alive." He sat back down, remarkably calm for such a hyper person. Lily sighed softly and let her eyes flutter shut as James took her hand. She felt like asking, but somehow she was afraid he would say no.

She tried to get to sleep, but somehow the yearning was so great, that after a few helpless minutes, she peeked from under her long lashes. "James?" she whispered softly. He turned to look at her tenderly. "Yeah?"

"Could you, um, come and, um," Lily's face etched darker with every syllable as she muttered. "Would you... come here and... hug me to sleep?"

James' sleep-hooded eyes widened to their fullest extent, and he asked, "You mean, in your bed?" Lily nodded, blushing. "With you?" Again the blush. "To sleep?" "Just sleep, though," Lily added, her face flaming.

James pretended to consider, tapping the side of his chin. "Hm, I don't know..."

Lily raised her delicate eyebrows. "Well, then, goodnight, if you don't want to," she shrugged, and she delved under the sheets. "Hey, wait, Lily, I was kidding!" Her head poked up again as she moved over. James took of his outer robes, leaving him in a pair of fitting jeans and a loose white shirt, several of the top buttons undone. Lily swallowed, trying not to ogle. He grinned at her, put his glasses on the side-table and slipped under the sheets.

Lily's arms came around his waist immediately, and he tucked an arm under her head, and with the other held her waist. A sigh of contentment left Lily's lips as she snuggled deeper into his comforting warmth, and her beautiful tired eyes closed as James held her protectively close. And she thought in her quiet bliss, _Maybe... maybe I can live through this curse._

...

Meanwhile, back in the Headmaster's office, the Professor finished scanning the page again, and closed the tattered tome.

_Information on the poison of the Giant Squid,_ maledictus gigas venenum lolligo,_ is limited due to the rare occurrences of wizards or witches being able to actually study this complex creature. It's poison holds the same value, the same blessing and curse as that of the blood of a unicorn, that can be used to prolong life and yet not make one immortal, or in this case, save the actual life._

_The poison of the Giant Squid is both a curse and a blessing, given when the Squid sees someone in mortal danger and wishes to 'save' him or her. The poison works to different affects depending on the situation, but mainly allows underwater breathing and self-flotation, as most of these situations take place underwater, in the Squid's habitat. The poison however holds a curse and therefore only prolongs the victim's life, not completely saving it._

_The victim will be cursed to an untimely death, usually by an accident but on occasion murder, as well as the victim's lover. They will however usually die an honourable death. The curse is activated from the moment the victim becomes of age, or if the victim is already of age, after the next new moon. The victim's descendants will also be cursed – they will do great and famous deeds, but will have a painful life of loss, regret, hard decisions, betrayal, death, treachery and suspicion._

_Despite the curse, the victim will believe that he or she is happy with their life, even with the knowledge that they will die early. The curse is to this date irreversible with no antidote and nothing to slow it down or soften the blow._

_The sign of being stung with this particular poison, the _maledictus gigas venenum lolligo **(A/N: translates directly into 'cursed Giant Squid poison')**_, is a scar where stung. It should burn like fire for several weeks, etched deep into the skin in the shape of a nine-pronged snowflake in scarlet, and it will be permanent. When the victim is dead, the scar will turn white._

_There is no escape for the victim. There is only Death._


	14. Chapter 14

**Next chapter already. It's going to be a lot slower for a month or two because SOMEONE noted that I spend 'too long' on the laptop. :( Oh yes, and I do happen to be aware that they only got together in Seventh year, but I think the longer they get to be with each other, the better, so please pretend.**

**Disclaimer: I doubt you'd even believe me if I said so. So, no, I don't own.**

Chapter 14

It's warm as I shift slightly, and I can feel a pair of sturdy arms wrapped gently around me, and without opening my eyes, I feel my face grow slightly warm. Had I fallen asleep in Mom and Dad's room again? Great – another reason for Petunia to laugh at me.

I don't want to open my eyes. I feel like I'm in heaven. The bed feels like it's stuffed with heather, which is beautifully bouncy, and it's snug and warm, and I'm in a perfectly comfy position, my hands tucked under my cheek, which is probably resting on Dad's shoulder, with one arm wrapped protectively around me. Mom must have gotten up already, because I can't feel her.

A soft moan leaves my lips as I make a contented noise. Following it is a reluctant groan – if Mom is already up, then I have to get up in a minute too. "Mm," I mumble as I squint past me eyelashes. All I see are white creases, so my eyes move up, up, up...

Now I remember – the Squid, the curse, the infirmary, James Potter in my bed. I blush hotly the last bit as I look up at his sleeping face. A finely-chiselled face, tan and lean, with high cheekbones, a strong jaw, a nicely-shaped nose, beautiful rosy lips, and large eyes, closed, with long curling black lashes brushing his cheekbones gently, and in this moment, he looks like an innocent and handsome angel. The peaceful quality was usually replaced by a rather sexy cheeky light, and a dazzling mischievous glint in his beautiful eyes when he was awake.

My eyes travel down, resisting the urge to stray at the beautiful piece of revealed skin on his chest, to his arms, which are wrapped around my waist. They are well-muscled, but still quite long and slender, and they hold me in a tender, gentle and yet protective and fierce grip. His face is inches from mine, just a little higher, but facing me, and I can count his eyelashes.

I sigh softly, and stretch my stiff arms, before wrapping one around him and the other under my cheek. I allow a few beautiful minutes to trail by before I urge myself to move – my throat is parched.

I carefully wriggle my way out from the tangle of arms, and he does not awake. I sit on the side of the mattress for a minute, before testing out my legs. I shakily rise to my feet, and struggle to take a few agonizing, stiff steps before my knees give way, and I collapse to the floor. A gasp is torn from my lips as I brace myself for the impact that never came – I feel familiar strong arms fly around me gently, and I can feel his soft warm breath tickling my skin, caressing my cheek, causing goose-bumps to erupt over my skin and tingles to freeze and my breath hitch in my throat, as I hear his voice, soft and seductive, a low purr as it flits across my ear, a cool breath that smells of blackberry and pine. "You know, darling, I won't be here to catch you forever."

And in my mind, his endearment alone sounds so seductive I almost moan, and it doesn't help how tightly he's holding me, my back against his chest, my head on his shoulder, tilted slightly backwards. I sigh softly, and tilt my head further in another angle, so I can just catch a glimpse of his face, and I murmur softly, "I know." I can see a hint of his infamous smirk touching his lips ever so lightly. He slowly and softly kisses the top of my head, and the most I can do is to mutate my moan of pleasure into a vague sound of contentment. James Potter is the only person in the world who can make a kiss on the top of the head so... thrillingly beautiful.

"Hmm," he murmurs softly. "We should get you back to bed, huh? You've been bed-bound four weeks, I don't think you can just jump up and sprint away so fast, hmm?" I almost shriek when he lightly sweeps me up bridal-style, and effortlessly carries me back to the bed, and lays me down – hey, I'm not that light. I stretch my back, hearing all the cricks snap, and yawn lightly. I feel the mattress sink slightly as James sits down and puts an arm around my shoulders. I sigh softly – I sigh a lot nowadays. He makes a soft noise as he nuzzles into my shoulder, which feels sweetly and comfortably relieving – till now, I hadn't noticed the painful stiff ache. He leaves his face buried in my shoulder, breathing softly.

A month ago – or maybe two, due to my time-lapse coma – I would have whacked him over the head, with a broomstick, maybe, and cursed him into oblivion, definitely. But now... Now, I find myself enjoying the comforting weight and warmth, savouring his contact. Maybe girls do change nineteen times while growing up.

We just sit like that for a few minutes, in the semi-darkness of the curtained bed. "So, when's it going public?" I hear James murmur softly. I shift my head slightly. "What? When is what going to go public?" He raises his head and looks me in the eye with a quizzical air. "Our relationship, of course."

Our relationship? My mind begins to spin. Damn. He just had to spoil the moment.

And as for our relationship – is it really a relationship? You could say my eyes have opened; and I can't believe how blind I have been for the past five years. Hate, hate and Severus' influence and my morale, it had all blinded me and convinced me that James was a heartless and idiotic, arrogant git. It had obscured my view, preventing me from giving him a chance, observing for myself, because I thought Severus knew everything, and that he was a mean bully. It had prevented me from seeing his sweet and gentle side.

How do I know he has a sweet and gentle side? Because he's exposing it right now. And he's left traces of it everywhere.

He has always been a 'blood traitor', as the other purebloods call it – he mingles with all, half-bloods and Mudbloods, not just purebloods. If looks could kill, Severus would be six feet under for calling me a Mudblood not so long ago. Or well, he would have been anyway if James hadn't respected my friendship with him. And arrogant as he is, James has never once hurt me on purpose. And Hell, just one month ago, he willingly jumped into the Black Lake in pre-Winter to save me, and he's been watching me ever since! He helped me sleep, basically ricking his dignity by sleeping in my bed in the Hospital Wing where Madame Pomfrey could see, and he was on the lookout for me, and practically sensed my danger in his sleep or something... He's always defended me from all the other haughty snobs like the other Slytherin pureblood gits. He's always watching over me, which was actually kind of creepy at first. He always seems to be making sure that I'm safe, and I've got a feeling he had something to do with the time Jennifer Parkinson knocked a pitcher of iced pumpkin juice onto my lap on purpose one breakfast, and somehow during lunch her pumpkin juice turned to ice as she was drinking, and her mouth got stuck to it. I am almost died of laughter, and I could see a triumphant spark in James' eyes as he smirked and Black and Pettigrew roared with laughter. Even Lupin was trying to hide a smile.

So, what exactly was our relationship? Rivals – Classmates – Friends – or THAT. Rivals? Maybe in certain components. Just classmates? Definitely not. Friends? Well, maybe. THAT.

OK, let's go through THAT.

He loves me – definitely. I love him – evidently. Severus? At first, I feel a gnawing in my heart, but I brush it away – Severus is over, he doesn't matter to me anymore, I chant in my head. It still grips my heart, but the pain lessens a little. Mom and Dad would be pleased – hey, it was them who sent me that letter on the Halloween Ball and going with James in the first place! Petunia? Petunia doesn't give a shit about me. My friends wouldn't mind, and neither would James'.

But the outcome? Will I be shunned and spat at by James' crazy lovesick fans? Can I put my heart in his hands? He could easily crush it, break it, rip it into mangled shreds, and I will lose my will altogether – because I know that soon I will be drowning in his presence and depending on him for survival, and if he breaks me, I will be lost forever. And I was never one to risk it.

What would happen if James fell for another – if his claims were just puppy love – if I lost his heart? Would he leave me? Stop loving me? Break me and shatter me whole?

Somehow I don't think he will, though.

But what if I realize we're just not right together? Realize we'd clash? Realize that together, we'd ruin each other? But that's the way of life. Nothing's really perfect.

Can I live, knowing that I'm his girlfriend? Can I sleep at night, knowing that I've betrayed Severus? Can my heart continue, knowing I am with a bully? Can my conscience take it, knowing I'm breaking so many hearts?

Yes I can live, knowing that I'm his girlfriend. Yes, I can sleep at night knowing I've 'betrayed' someone I couldn't care less about. But my heart and my conscience is a different matter. Regardless of how angelic James seems to act towards me, he is still an arrogant bully to everyone else. Regardless of how gentle and sweet he can be, he is still the boy who will laugh at someone who is down.

Regardless now of what he is now, he will always be what he is always.

And I don't know if I can live with it.

And my conscience. I'll be dealing with weepy girls and chaos and revenge before the end of the day.

But anyway, Colette and Rosalie and everyone else may have already spread the rumour.

So back to bully. Prefect dates School Bad-Boy. I can practically sense the hottest gossip of the year. Oh, Merlin's underpants, the mocks and taunts I'll be on the receiving end of! Oh, Merlin's underpants, the Prefect is resorting the cursing with Merlin's underpants. Sigh.

I can remember the boiling rage that bubbles within me whenever I see him bullying some poor freshman or just someone that fell over, or especially when I see him making fun of Severus. Oh Severus! My heart still pangs when I think of him. He wasn't a very good friend, but he was a friend. I can remembering fuming at James for bullying the last time, which was... which was... Last term.

Wait. Wait. So I went through September, October and November without noticing he wasn't bullying anyone. Then a memory begins itching my mind, but all I can remember clearly is rain and a flash of red and gold, and a promise... Oh. Right. I swore never to date James until he stopped bullying people. Aka now.

Well, I guess that's cleared up.

So if I date James, I'll be risking my heart – him possibly loving another and leaving me in my empty shell – and my life – heartbroken fan-girls, going in for the kill.

My train of thoughts is snapped when I hear James' voice.

"Lily?" For a moment, all I can concentrate on is how delicious my name sounds when he says it, and how beautiful it looks playing across his lips. Then I realize I must have been completely stationary and silent for about five minutes.

"I-" I was about to reply when a sliver of light cur through a chink in the curtains as Madame Pomfrey bustles in.

"Oh, good, you're awake. I suppose you're thirsty," she chips quickly, passing me a glass of water and rearranging a tray of potion-goblets. I eagerly down the water, and it tastes sweet and relieving to my parched tongue and dry throat, and it finishes faster than I hoped, so James helped me refill it with a 'Aguamenti' spell, and I drank that too. I was about to request more when Madame Pomfrey gave me a withering, disapproving look. Horrible curse. Can't even drink water...

I have to drink about eight different potions, more often disgusting and vile than not, and Madame Pomfrey rubbed a salve that first burned then felt soothing on my neck. When I touched it, she slapped my hand away, but it was enough that I could feel the scar. It was more cut in then inflamed, as though a cruel but precise knife had been taken to my skin. It was shaped like a nine-pronged something or another. The salve was sticky and cool over it.

"When can I leave the infirmary?" I ask as I down my last potion.

She spares me a glance as she clears up. "Another two nights, minimum."

My jaw drops as she glides out. So, four weeks and three days in the Hospital Wing – and a curse thrown into it. What a lovely bargain.

"Want some?"

I turn and look at James, who is munching something. "You haven't eaten for nearly a month, you should be hungry." I take the biscuit he passes me quickly; only the mention and sight of food brings my attention to the fierce gnawing of my stomach, and I moan in relief as I bite into the sweet coffee éclair. "Where did this come from?" I ask through quick bites.

"Your friends decided that since you bought half of Honeydukes, they might as well buy you the rest," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and took up another éclair.

"Good," I announce. "I could easily finish it all."

"Want to bet?" James challenges, a sparkle in his eyes.

Let's just say, I got a really bad stomach ache that day.

...

I moan loudly as I lay on the bed, too stuffed to even look at another candy without feeling the urge to throw up. "James, I don't understand how you can eat all that without batting an eye." James just laughs. "Aw, tell me your secret, come on!" I plead rhetorically. He chuckles and tightens his arms around me.

"Don't! I might puke," I groan, and his hold loosens just enough. "Hey, James, how are you going to catch up with all your schoolwork? And how come you were allowed to stay with me and everyone else wasn't?"

"Hmm, I'm smart enough not to need to study. Who needs to study?" he smirks, and I roll my eyes. "Fine, Lupin comes every other day and teaches me, okay? Yeah, he visits you too. Not often, though. And as for being allowed to stay with you, I have no clue. Maybe my masculine wit and charm?" I roll my eyes.

"Speaking of masculine wit and charm, what about announcing our relationship?"

"About that, whenever you want to, or unless Rosalie's already told the whole world."

His eyes pop, and I can't resist a smug smile at squeezing this reaction out of him.

"What? No protestations, no denials? No 'I'm not in love with you, this was all a joke', no 'I'm not with you', no 'what relationship, everyone already knows we're enemies', no 'Severus would hate me forever', no 'I'd rather date Derek Hunter'? Merlin, this is awesome!"

I fake a convincing act. "No, Potter, I hate you, as always. Nothing changed, okay! I'm not with you. I was sick in the mind from the cold! Did you really think I like you? You sicken me."

I regret it almost immediately. A look of hurt flits across his eyes for a second, and I can see it on his face that his heart is shattering and that he looks like he is about to break.

"No, James, I was just kidding! I was kidding! I do love you... James," I say softly, kneeling on the bed in front of him, and I brush some of the hair in his eyes away. "I'd never play with you like that."

He doesn't look that sure. I sigh. "Must I prove it to you?"

I grab his collar in my hands and in one smooth jerk, we're kissing, roughly, hard, passionately. We don't even stop when Black walks in with Colette by his side.

We do break apart, however, when Madame Pomfrey walks in with a tray, almost drops it, and shrieks, "Mr. Potter, the patient needs rest!" We grin sheepishly as Colette giggles and Black gawks.

Madame Pomfrey gives James a tongue-lashing, though she is not oblivious to his struggles to keep a straight face as she marches out of the curtains. "Oh, Lily, how are you?" Colette simpers, hugging me. "Madame Pomfrey says you can come for class in a couple more days, isn't that great? We'll all visit you, every day! You must really be hungry, here, let me get your lunch..." Merlin, Colette's as motherly as her sister...

"I'm alright, Colette, thanks, but I'm stuffed. I wagered a bet with James and ate half a ton of candy... Oh, Merlin, too much sugar..." I moan. Colette looks ready to explode.

"James Potter, Lily is already in the Hospital Wing and you made her sick? What is wrong with you?!" she bellows and James cringes.

"Woah, love," Black comforts, alarmed, sliding an arm over the fuming girl. "Don't worry, Evans is in good hands. She's always getting a little woozy after all that studying anyway... Aw, Colette, sweetheart, take that frown off your face, you'd look so much prettier without it..." I nearly choke with laughter and nausea at Black's attempt to baby and sugar-coat his way to calming Colette. Colette was never one to fall for sweet-talk.

My jaw drops when she turns to face Black and kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry, Sirius, darling, I was just worried for Lily..." I realized my left eye was twitching. Okay, how weird is that? James doesn't bat an eye. I guess he's been seeing this for, what, two years?

I sigh and flop back on my pillows as what's left of my great store of candies is consumed by my best friend and his best friend.

"Hey, Prewett, has Brown told everyone about us yet?"

"Nope," I hear Colette reply to James. "As far as the school is concerned Lily tripped over a mushroom, fell into the Lake, and you decided to play hero and saved her. She got a rare magic cold and has to stay unconscious here for Merlin knows how long." I sit up.

"Can I conclude that you are both now together?" Colette says slyly, her eyes sparkling. I sigh as James gives me hopeful, pleading, begging puppy-dog eyes, that are just so adorable.

"Hm," I tease, cocking my head to one side, allowing a pause to slide by.

"Yes, I guess you can."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi guys! :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 15

James watched her sleeping figure tenderly as he brushed a wisp of her light red hair from her porcelain-perfect face. He felt so happy, so light. He had acquired his one true love.

A bitter twist came upon his lips when he traced the scar on her neck.

He had been awake when Professor Dumbledore had been talking to his precious Lily. He had heard it all: the Squid, the curse, her future. His heart flamed with rage, froze with grief, swelled in disbelief and broke all at the same time. His poor, poor Lily. H never questioned the curse ensnaring him in its grip in the future when he made Lily his bride, he only thought of protecting her, of putting all he could to save her. He would curse himself by himself if he allowed Lily to die. It would be like condemning himself to the Dementor's Kiss, like sacrificing his soul, because his little Lily was his soul, she was his life. If he lost her he knew he would not die, but suffer in agony and wither away as his crushed heart would take its toll.

He knew that if he lost her, to another man or to Death, his heart would shatter and he would not be able to piece it back together, and he would fade into eternity and despair, an empty shell with no meaning, because he knew Lily was his very soul, he lived for her.

He scowled at the scar marring her beautiful pale neck, a leaping flame mark on the creamy soft skin, the shape of a snowflake – no, it had none prongs, not six... His fingers stroked it lovingly, sadly for a moment.

He kissed her cheek in her sweet sleep, and went up to the Headmaster's Office, where he was being called for by Professor Dumbledore. He cast one last lingering, loving glance at his precious little pet, and left.

...

The first thing Lily noticed when her eyes opened was the absence of James' gentle and comforting presence, followed by the urge to use the bathroom. She sighed and lay still for a few moments, trying to imagine that James was there with her. But it was cold – too cold, and too lonely, lonely without his presence, his gentle hands, his mocking teases, his laughing voice.

She had woken up yesterday with a light, bouncing spirit, her magnificent emerald eyes glittering with joy, to James' laughing voice. Today she felt empty, empty and hollow, and yet so heavy, heavy with dread and worry and misery. Where was he? Had he abandoned her? Left her here all alone? With only silence and misery for company? Her heart turned cold and her mouth sour at the thought. No, she reasoned with herself, James wouldn't just leave me here all by myself. Maybe he wanted to go get something, or maybe he needed the bathroom. Speaking of bathroom, I really need to go.

She propped herself up on her weak, skinny arms, and took a deep breath before hoisting herself over the sheets, and swinging her long legs elegantly over the edge of the mattress. She grasped the head of the bed with one hand, supported herself with the other hand on the edge of the bed, and slowly rose. A hand pressed to the wall for support, Lily unsteadily stumbled a few steps, before straightening herself and taking a deep breath, her trembling legs bearing her weight. Testing it, Lily took a couple of minutes before she could take a few straight steps.

Mustering all her Gryffindor courage, she released the wall and began walking slowly and firmly walking towards the nearest bathroom, the one at the end of the infirmary. As she neared the room, she felt a surge of triumph at this feat on her jelly legs, but it sank again when she realized James was not there to share her victory.

Trying not to think of him, she sidled into the bathroom and relieved herself successfully at the nearest cubicle. When she finished, she let the cold water turn warm, and soaped her hands in lonely silence. She nearly gave a cry of horror when she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her face was pale and drawn, her cheeks rather hollow, and when she looked down, the pink foam did not conceal the skinny hands. Her skin was paper-white, and the rouge colour that used to bring out her soft lips and cheeks had faded into snow. The only colour on her face was the brilliant green orbs and the rather limp cascade of scarlet curls. Then a flash of darkish red caught her eye, and she twisted her neck. The red – the blood – the death – the dream.

She screamed, and she fell to the floor as an agony burned the snowflake carved into her throat. Her hand went up to futilely scrabble at it, but it continued to burn like fire, causing choked screams to erupt from her pale lips and warm tears slid down her cheeks.

The pain subsided a notch, allowing her a moment to breathe, before it ripped at her again, and she released a full-blown scream of pain as she threw herself on the floor, begging silently with no one, barely conscious, for the pain to stop, for it to please, please go away, go away...

Finally the pain faded as she sobbed brokenly, huddled in a corner, shivering from fear, cold and agony, hiding her face in her hands. "James," she choked. "Oh, James, please come..." She could barely move without her legs and rump screaming in protestation. "Help!" she screamed into the distance, her voice breaking through the vowel, and was replied by her own echo. "Help! Help! Help..." Her voice faded away as she hugged herself on the cold, hard, stone floor, her back against the cruel right-angle of the wall. Her pleas were unaided. The Wing was empty. Where was Madame Pomfrey? She knew from here no one would be able to hear her unless she actually walked out of the closed bathroom door, which was a couple of yards away, way too far to even crawl without making her vision blurry and black with pain. Oh God... She moaned softly to herself, allowing herself small sounds of self-pity to rumble in her hoarse, painful throat, and she made little crying sounds, because she just couldn't stop. "James..."

...

"Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore beamed. "I believe Miss Evans may be looking for you. Maybe you should go see if she is alright?" Utterly bewildered, James nodded and mumbled, "Yes, sir, of course, sir..." James stumbled on his way out of the office.

James had been a Marauder since birth, how is it he could see through his perfect acting? How was it he knew that James had known? And how did he know, ultimately, that he had every intention of sharing the curse with his darling Lily, of marrying her and loving her, to death and past it, and do all he can to find a way to reverse the curse, to sacrifice himself if necessary?

Whatever it was, Professor Dumbledore knew, and he had actually advised him to go ahead. He had said that the future is actually set in stone, and whatever the hell he does it will be the same anyway.

He had been told not to tell Lily a word, and he spent the rest of his trip back trying to make up an excuse for leaving her, but it all disappeared in a snap when his eyes scoured the Wing – and it was empty.

Shit.

His hand immediately found its way into his pocket as he fumbled around, swiftly dragging out a large piece of square parchment. Usually, he would have been more careful with the Marauders' Map, but right now, he didn't really care. That was what Professor Dumbledore had meant. That was the strange, sick feeling he felt in his heart. It was Lily.

Damn! That old coot could have told him! He was sure he knew! He would have sprinted back, then, damn it! Lily – where was she? His words came out garbled with worry, and he cursed loudly before the map revealed itself, and he scanned the paper frantically till... Lily. Oh, sweet Merlin, Lily, he could see her beautiful name inked in the bright green.

He nearly tripped over the bedpans as he dashed towards the bathroom, completely disregarding the 'ladies' sign on the bathroom. His heart cracked when he saw her pitiful little form on the floor, her head turning at the sound of him bursting into the bathroom.

"James..."

Her wide, fearful eyes express the pain that racked her, and he immediately fell on his knees and cradled her tenderly, and when she yelped he withdrew. "Lily darling, what happened?" he murmured, kissing her cheek softly. "Are you hurt?"

He lightly and gently swept her up bridal-style, tenderly holding her close to him, protectively, his eyes damp. Her arms automatically wrapped around his neck, and she buried her face in hisc chest, sobbing quietly as he carried her back to his bed.

"Don't ever leave me alone again," Lily wept into his shoulder as they sat on her bed.

"I won't," James promised, squeezing his eyes shut. "I promise."

...

Meanwhile, the 'old coot' was pacing his office quietly. Fawkes made a soft sound, and Professor Dumbledore placed a withered, old hand on its golden head with a sigh as he gazed out the window.

"And to think I never saw who he really was, that Tom Riddle," Dippet's portrait said sadly.

"We cannot change the past," the current Headmaster said in a slow, almost mournful voice, his bright blue eyes devoid of any twinkle. "Miss Evans' fate is sealed." Something sparked in his blue orbs then. "But the future is open. I believe we may need the help of a certain student... But not yet. Not just yet."


	16. Chapter 16

**Next chapter... don't you just love Christmas?**

**By the way, I post depending on when I finish writing the next chapter, so the timing has no pattern, sorry.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 16

"Wake up, my love!"

I yawn widely as I'm jerked out of blissful sleep.

"Mph. Who is it?" I mumble, pulling a pillow over my head, though I can recognize the deep, cheeky tone easily.

"Who do you think?" he prompts, a laugh in his mocking voice.

"Let's see, high-pitched voice at 6 in the morning, an endearment... Rosalie?"

I squeal in laughter as he pounces on me and begins tickling me. "Stop! Stop, please!" I'm almost choking with laughter as James mercilessly attacks me, and I can hardly breathe. "Stop!"

"Who am I?" he teases, relentlessly tickling.

"James, James!" I give in, tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks. "That's better," he says, a faux pleased look splattered across his face, his smirk in place. I throw him a dirty look, and he clutches his heart in fake hurt.

"Might I remind you that you leave the infirmary today?" James says brightly.

"You might," I mumble, stretching. "What time is it? And what date is it?"

"6 a.m., and the 23th December!" he answers promptly.

"6 a.m. in the morning!" I exclaim, my eyes bugging. "I slept late last night with indigestion! Untactful child!" I scold playfully. He puts on the dramatic act of a shameful child, and I laugh. Merlin, the things my pride made me miss all those years!

"Hey, Prewett's going to come help you dress for breakfast in about ten minutes... It's a miracle Madame Pomfrey managed to fix up your twisted ankle and bruised tailbone in two days..." James gives me a kiss on the cheek as I nod. The pain had been unbearable, and when the scar began to burn again, I was all but screaming for Madame Pomfrey to help. The salve cooled it a little, but it still stung like salt on a wound, and I cried myself to sleep in James' arms after Madame Pomfrey had strung and fixed up by tailbone and ankle.

Colette greets me with a bone-crushing hug in which I yelp, and carries a giant bag over her shoulder, which makes me think of all the yelps I will produce while being dressed.

"Let's get you changed up for breakfast!" Colette says eagerly. "Rosalie would have come, but Professor Binns assigned a four-foot essay which I finished while she was on a date with John Macmillian, and now she's on her own. She was mad at first, but calmed down after a while, so let's get you all dressed up!"

Colette helps me to the bathroom and sends James away, calling him a pervert as I roar with laughter, then wince at my still slightly sore tailbone. Luckily, she feels sorry for me – Colette is very sweet, but she can't stand whininess and lovey-dovey stuff (or so I thought) – and she very gently helps me into a white shirt and jeans, and is especially careful when she helps me pull on my school robes, though I still cringe at certain times.

"Do you think people will be unhappy that I'm back?" The fact that the Marauders and my girls are my only visitors did not go unnoticed, and it makes me nervous.

"We'll see," Colette says quietly, combing the snags and knots out of my hair.

...

I laugh till it hurts as Marietta recounts an incident that involves her during a swimming lesson back home, and how she managed to trick her swimming coach into eating a cupcake that made him grow a tail and sing a ridiculously high-pitched soprano every time he went into the water, and ended up being sent to St. Mungo's, and no-one believed that sweet, innocent-looking, obedient little Marietta had done anything.

My return was wonderful. All my friends came and greeted me. Apparently, it had been under Professor Dumbledore's orders that they were not to visit me – he must have known that the scar might act out at any time... And he didn't even warn me.

And when James loudly announced to the entire school – my face burned like hell with embarrassment – nearly everyone cheered. All the Gryffindors slapping his back at his success at snaring me – his success at snaring me! Good Merlin, if my ego were half as big as his, I might have ditched him then and there to preserve my dignity and my pride! But no. And anyway, I would probably die without him... It's so strange, suddenly realizing how in love I am with him. Anyway, he would be heartbroken, and I daresay he basically sacrificed his dignity by chasing me like a puppy, but of course, the moment you have a popular and handsome boy chasing you and you don't want to date him, it becomes so romantically tragic that his reputation probably got way better. It's a five-year love-story for all, students and Professors, of the unrequited love of bad-boy James Potter to goody-two-shoes Lily Evans.

My laughter is cut short when I inhale the cloying scent of hyacinths, and here a familiar voice.

"Um, Lily, can I talk to you?"

It's Mabel Boot. Her face is clear, her hair neat, simple and plain, an expression of nervous innocence across her face, looking breathlessly hopeful with messed up short dark hair. "Yeah, sure," I stumble, surprised that she is actually wearing a decent attire.

"In private?" she requests shyly. I take a gulp of iced pumpkin juice and follow her out of the dining hall. I can feel burning curious eyes following me out of the hall. I know – it must seem very suspicious. Boot has never been particularly friendly with me because – well, you know why. And just in case, my fingers grip my wand inside my robe pocket.

"Um, listen, Lily," Boot begins, looking me straight in the eye. "You know, that day when I shoved you? And scratched you? Well, I'm really sorry, about that... I was just so shocked and upset, and I was just jealous. Please forgive me..." I look at her closely. Something's not quite right, but since when did I ever lose a chance to make all 'well' again? Anyway, this was the only time she ever hurt me so much, so I think she has a little leeway.

"Sure," I say, though I'm quite bemused. I never actually thought Boot would ever be able to let James go, but well, people change.

"Awesome! Will you come with me and Alysha Patil for a New Year shopping spree two Saturdays after? As a way to prove our new friendship? And I'd be so glad if you could call me and Alysha by our names!" she says eagerly, and when I agree, her eyes are shining. She looks almost too happy.

"I'll... see you around?" I offer, and she nods, throws me a megawatt smile and dashes off.

Hm. Weird.

I walk back into the breakfast and sit down at my seat, buttering a croissant. "What did she want?" Colette ask curiously.

I shrug. "She wanted to say sorry for Saturday, and offered to be friends, and go on a shopping trip with her and Patil," I mutter. Colette looks thoughtful for a moment, before Rosalie pounces on her.

"I've got John's present already! What have you got Sirius for Christmas?!"

I choke on my croissant.

I don't have presents for anyone.

And it is the 23rd of December.

Shit.

...

"Okay, now I need to go alone, I have to find your presents!" I say frantically, shooing Colette and Rosalie away. I glance at my watch. It was already half past four, and I hadn't found my present for Colette, Rosalie, James and the other Marauders! How am I supposed to know what boys want? I don't even have a bloody brother!

Right out of the infirmary and I'm doing tiring Christmas Shopping on a winter's day carrying eight shopping bags...

Madame Pomfrey will love this.

"You sure you'll be okay?" Rosalie asks, and she and Colette kiss my cheek when I nod, and quickly hurry into the Three Broomsticks, eager to escape the blustery wind and its elegant yet thick dance of snowflakes.

I look up. My cheeks feel frostbitten, and my fingers are numb in their kitten-soft mittens. A cloak is slung over my shoulders. It's James' – I insisted on going without him, and he gave me his cloak because he said his was warmer, and I don't regret giving in in the end – it smells just like him. I inhale the faded but sweet scent, and relax my muscles. I sigh.

I decide to do Rosalie's first – hers is most likely the easiest.

One and a half hours later, I'm exhausted and worn down to the bones. I've found Rosalie's present – a bottle of exotic perfume; Colette's present – an enormous stuffed teddy bear I had to shrink, even if she doesn't like whiny people, she loves cute things; a big box of prank materials for Black; a box of chocolates for Pettigrew, because I haven't the slightest idea what he likes; and a set of DADA resource books for Lupin.

Which leaves James.

I want to get him something special, but I don't know what.

Damn it. Why is he so damned hard?

I moan in frustration. My face is now a mottled patch of scarlet and pearl. I just want to go sit down and have a hot Butterbeer and some dinner, and a chat with little Claire Rosmerta, and maybe Colette can help me with my situation. Or maybe Rosalie, definitely Rosalie – Rosalie's dated dozens of different boys, she's bound to know what James would like.

My feet are aching and swollen and I feel the urge to take off the tight heels Colette gave me and rub some nice cool snow on it, and I glance down at the one little shopping bag I'm carrying inside my purse – I gave up about an hour ago and shrunk everything and put a feather-light charm on them.

I glance around, struggling to see through the whirlwind of swirling snow. I can see my reflection in the clear glass window – a little face, framed by a tangle of snow-caked scarlet hair with a black balaclava and with a pretty teal scarf wrapped snugly round the throat. My face looks pale, my eyes tired, snowflakes sprinkled across my eyelashes and nose. I brush the snow off. One more store, I tell myself, and then I'll go look for Rosalie.

I enter the little store, and sigh in relief as warm air surrounds me. I look around. Small, cluttered and yet elegant, the shop housed shelves of book, counters of potion ingredients, barrels of children's toys and a variety of other magical objects. Two or three students and a couple of witches meandered around. It was slightly musty, and yet held a powerful aura.

"Can you measure me two and a half pounds of Shredded Boomslang Skin?" I hear a wizard ask the shopkeeper as I gaze at a large crystal ball on a shelf.

"Yes, 'm," the robust, small, busy shopkeeper said. "Funny, usually people dun buy these, but not few weeks earlier, a young witch, she come and buy a big pile... Here ye are, 'm."

My ears prick up. "A student? Boomslang Skin?" My Prefect senses begin working up. They don't have that in the student cupboard, and it is infrequent in the use of potions. "What did she look like?" I inquire curiously.

The woman's face screws up in concentration as she says, "Small, quite skinny, that lass. Short dark hair, lots of make-up. She was wearing a very skimpy outfit, she was, for the cold winter days." Her eyes shrunk to the size of peas. "Her perfume was very strong, a rather floral scent. Maybe your age, I'd reckon. She bought a couple of Bicorn horns as well. Why cha ask?"

I shake my head. "Nothing," I mutter thoughtfully. Could it be Mabel Boot? The description certainly befitted her. But why would she require such ingredients? Despite her Ravenclaw mind, potions was not her best subject. And as I earlier mentioned, these materials are not often used, used only in usually very complicated and dangerous potions. Mabel was smart in terms of schooling, but I honestly doubt she had the brains to do something seriously dangerous. Besides her, the only other people it could be are Jennifer or Peggy Parkinson. I must keep an eye on them – I know they are part of the Slytherin group that performed dark magic on poor Mary Macdonald.

I wander around the shop a awhile, seeking but not finding.

Definitely not a book. He only goes into the library to keep Lupin company, or to find me.

Probably not candy.

Definitely not flowers.

Probably not a pet.

Definitely not clothes.

I nearly scream in frustration as I wearily stumble to the door, but my hand suddenly stays on the handle. The silvery, almost liquid cloth shimmers softly, hidden almost completely in the box of odds and ends, shiny and silky under all the thingamabobs.

"Excuse me, ma'am," I ask. "Is this for sale?"

...

I love Christmas morning. I had delivered everyone's but James' present – I wanted to give it to him personally.

I love Christmas morning – the laugh, the thanks, the joy, the presents, the smell of fresh snow, the cheer of festivity – Christmas is my favourite holiday. It's just too bad I have so much homework.

I have pile of presents on the foot of my bed, and I eagerly open them. Colette sent me a book on Charms, Rosalie had wrapped up a pretty gold bracelet, Marietta had given me a luxury peacock feather quill, Lucy had sent me a handmade paperweight and Andromeda had given me a copy of the Tales of the Beedle and the Bard. Lupin, Black and Pettigrew had sent me a book on plants – did I mention I love Herbology almost as much as Potions and Charms? Petunia had sent me a hideous green and cream vase, and Mom and Dad had sent me a beautiful notebook and some beautiful Muggle pens, and a long, long letter.

_Lily darling,_

_Merry Christmas, my dear!_

_We hope you are well, and we wish you a joyful holiday!_

_Now, please be more careful, Lily! This has been a really rough year, hasn't it? Lots of unpleasant things are happening so do be more cautious! We love you very much, Lily, and it would break our hearts to lose you. One month in the Hospital Wing and we couldn't even visit you because your Headmaster – a very kind, dear fellow, isn't he? – told us that the magic cold is really contagious. We love you so much, Lily, don't throw away your life!_

_Are you coming back for the Christmas Holidays? We'd love to see you, but Dad is kind of busy at the moment, and it might be a little hard._

_Oh, and we've heard you've got a boyfriend! Oh, we're so excited for you, Lily! It is the James boy, isn't it? Oh, we knew it, we knew it! Every summer you'd come back and rage about him, but we could see how much you adored him without even realizing it! And you look so good together, we saw him when we came to drop you off at King's Cross. It is so romantic! First rivals, then lovers! And our little girl, all grown-up! Fifteen years old, and with a boyfriend! We do so like him – he is such a care-free boy, and so humorous and handsome, and we hear he has brains! It reminds me of the time your Mom met your Dad, but I don't suppose you want to hear that story anymore..._

_We really miss you, love, write back soon!_

_Love,_

_ Mom and Dad_

_P.S. Your presents came early. We loved the wizard sweets and pranking sets! How we wish we could play a trick on that nasty Mrs. White next door! We hope you like your present! We had lots of fun picking it out!_

I roll my eyes. Unlike most parents, mine never nagged or scolded me, and they love a bit of naughty fun every now and again – they only laughed when I put a beetle in horrid Mrs. White's tea, but they did tell me not to do it, because inside they are very morale... And they didn't want my reputation ruined.

I guess Professor Dumbledore didn't tell them the truth, which I realize is good, because in all honesty, I'd hate for them to be so worried and anxious about me – I feel fine, actually. I'm happy.

Oh, and James. How childish of them! But they have been longing for grandchildren, which I find is very embarrassing, because I'm only fifteen. And I guess they do like him. I don't know where I got my 'prissiness' and 'goody-two-shoes' behaviour from, because it certainly wasn't my parents. And my Mom always had a thing for messy black hair.

I look down at my present pile happily, until I realize there is one more gift.

It is a white lily, a beautiful and healthy flower. An emerald-green ribbon is tied around it. At the sight of it, my heart pangs. It's from Severus. Every year, he sends me a beautiful fresh lily, from his own garden, tied in green ribbon.

And this year he still has.

I have sent Severus nothing. Because he... because...

Severus had been loyal. He still wants to be my friend. The least I can do is to return favours. So I send him an emerald-green scarf Mom sent me a couple of years ago. I hope he understands how much it means to me, and that the green signifies me, not Slytherin.

I am lucky to have such a pleasant shade of green, but sometimes it just reminds me of Slytherin. Good thing I have Gryffindor scarlet hair to make up for it.

Anyway, I grab James' present, wrapped in crimson, and scurry over to the boy's dorm – lucky for girls, we can go into the boy's dormitory, because the Founders believed we were more trustworthy. In your face, sexists!

I ignore the wolf-whistles of the other boys – though there aren't many, most of them have gone for breakfast, including the other Marauders – and zoom in on James, who seems to be looking for his jumper.

"Good morning, love," he grins, kissing me on the forehead.

"Merry Christmas, James!" I say excitedly, pushing the present into his arms. "Don't open it in public, though."

James looks like a little child when his while face erupts in joy. "A present!" he ejaculates, and I roll my eyes. He yells at the last two boys to go away, and rips open his present.

His jaw drops.

I must admit, I did pay a small fortune for his gift, though the shopkeeper had little idea what it was, and asked much less than she should have.

I watch as the silky cloth slides over his fingers, rippling to the floor.

"Oh, Lily," he whispers, transfixed by the shifting light and smooth patterns. "Thank you... Thank you."

It was my first Christmas gift to James Potter.

An Invisibility Cloak.


	17. Chapter 17

**Next chapter coming right up! :D I'm sorry about how unexpectedly silly Lily's present is, when I was writing that chapter, I was in her situation - hey, what do I know what a fifteen-year-old wizard wants for Christmas?**

**By the way, the next chapter will be in different people's POV (point-of-view)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 16

James couldn't speak. An Invisibility Cloak. Lily must have paid an arm and a leg for this... Where did she find this? James was a rich pureblood, and yet he had barely even seen let alone owned such a costly gift... What... Merlin...

"Oh Lily," he managed to whisper. "Thank you... Thank you..."

A smile was stretched widely across Lily's face, and her green eyes shone so radiantly that when James looked at her, for a moment he was transfixed by her beauty and her joy.

"I... I don't know what to say. Where did you find this?" he murmured as he let the cloak slip over his fingers. It felt like cool water, and looked the same. "It's the best present I've ever received. Thank you!"

Lily made a sound of shock and protestation when James enveloped her in such a fierce hug the sound that left her lips soon mutated to one of sharp pain, and her boyfriend hastily released her.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "When I envisioned you becoming mine, I could hug you without causing you pain." Lily laughed and rubbed her tailbone tenderly as James continued, "Thanks a lot for your present! Wait a sec while I find yours... um... oh... wait..."

Lily waited rather awkwardly, teetering on the balls of her feet and laughing slightly as James savaged his trunk, before pulling out a big square box. To Lily's surprise, the gift-wrapped box was punctured with holes.

James grinned. He'd had a lot of fun choosing her present.

A kitten. A kitten that looked exactly like her – lustrous red fur, and eyes like the sea on a summer's morning. It was a beautiful creature, tiny and delicate, with pointed ears and a shorter but elegant tail. It wasn't feisty like Lily, more coy and sweet, and when it sat on its little haunches it looked sweet and helpless and delicate. Its eyes, huge and forest-green, held the same feline intelligence Lily's did, and it looked adorable with sitting in the palm of James' hand – it was that small.

Lily fell for it in a moment. "Oh, James!" she cried, cradling the tiny creature in her hands. "It's perfect! She's perfect! Thank you so much! She's perfect!" She couldn't take her eyes off the kitten. If she didn't love James, she would have claimed that the tiny cat had stolen her heart. Her smile was so dazzling, James almost felt dazed. He watched as she cooed and babied the creature, smiling at her motherliness and her genteel behaviour and the obvious joy and love that painted her face. The kitten purred, a low and soft little sound, as it basked in her attention, soaking in her love, and James almost felt jealous of it, though he bore the envy when he saw the laughing joy on her face.

Lily's heart soared at the tiny creature, and she cradled it and loved it and couldn't take her eyes off it. "It's just like me!" she laughed. "Green eyes and red fur! Thank you so much, James! I love her! She's so beautiful! What shall we call her?" Her green eyes shone with happiness as she eagerly spoke, somehow managing to hug James and maintain a hold on the kitten.

"Whatever you wish!" James laughed, holding her close. Lily had never been so dizzy with joy in her life.

And so little Scarlet became part of the 'family'.

…

Scarlet followed Lily round everywhere. She never let her out of her sight. She adored James as well, but Lily was her mistress, and Lily was her paragon of love and comfort, Lily was her caretaker and mother and friend and playmate, and she was always at Lily's heel. It was impossible to get Scarlet away. Any form of physical maintenance, magic containment, she was always able to find a way to get out and follow Lily, so the Professors had no choice but to allow Scarlet to follow her around, though Lily could have sworn Professor Dumbledore's eyes were laughing when he nodded in consent to allowing Scarlet to follow her around.

Lily and James both loved Scarlet to death. They spoilt the little creature rotten. Other students were amused by how they babied the cat like it was a precious and rare exotic creature, not a tiny red kitten.

…

Lily cleared her books and walked towards the classroom door, hanging around the area. James didn't take Arithmancy, and neither did any if her friends, even Marietta, so he often dashed here to accompany her to DADA in twenty minutes, which they both took. Lily hovered around for a couple of minutes, nervously waiting for him. She knew he was late for many things, but never late to pick her up. So why was he five minutes late?

Just as she was musing whether she should just go, Mabel Boot came up to her.

"Hi, Lily," she grinned widely. "How are you?"

"Oh, hi B-uh, Mabel," Lily greeted back with her friendly, polite smile. "Fine, thanks. You?"

"Oh, I'm good," and her gleeful smile stretched further. "Hey, Lily, remember I asked you if you'd like to come with me and Alysha this Saturday?" Lily jerked slightly. She had forgotten. But no matter; she was free that Saturday. So she nodded and smiled. "We'll be going to this popular witch's mall, so we'll be going by Side-Along Apparation. Oh, I forgot, some of the purebloods learn Apparation early. We'll meet you at the entrance of the Great Hall, at about eleven, is that fine with you? We'll be back around four or five."

"Of course," Lily replied with a smile. "Thanks so much. It's very friendly of you. I'm sure we'll have a great time."

Something gleamed in Boot's eyes, but Lily didn't see it because she saw James behind Boot, coming up to her. "Oh, I'm sure we will," she mused, and she disappeared as James ran up to her.

"Hey, Lily – hi Scarlet. Sorry I'm late, love, here give me your books… That idiot Filch kept me, he didn't like how I turned Mrs. Morris into a squirrel, I guess," he smiled, kissing her cheek and taking her bag. "What did Boot want?"

"Hi James," she said, kissing his cheek in return. "It's okay… Thanks… Oh Mabel? She wanted to start a friendship by going for a girls' day out with her and her friend Patil, Alysha Patil, this Saturday. Shall we go?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "We only have about five minutes."

"Are you nervous for the game tomorrow?" Lily asked. "Yeah," James replied, ruffling his black hair. "I'm just trying to imagine what Team Captain would say if we lost." Lily made a face. This generation, the two best Quidditch teams belonged to Gryffindor and Slytherin, and the competition between them was tight and fierce. Gryffindor's Captain, Fabian Prewett, Colette's older brother, was ridiculously fierce, like Molly Weasley nee Prewett when she was mad. Slytherin's Captain, Crabbe, was just as fierce and way more cruel and unreasonable. Tomorrow was the big match between them both, and each team had been working their butts off, and James hadn't had much time after that for sleep, study, prank and being Lily's boyfriend at the same time, but Lily said she had understood the importance of the match to a Quidditch fanatic like James.

"You will come and support me, right?" James asked.

"Of course! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't?"

James just loved the sound of that.

…

It was snowing, but lightly enough to continue with the match. James slowly walked onto the pitch, Sirius hanging behind silently, which was slightly strange, as his dark eyes were usually full of laughter and his voice and barking laughter running through the crisp morning air.

His stomach was writhing as he charmed his glasses to deflect snow. Looking up at the stands, he could see Lily, even make out her face. He could see the anxiety written over her pale countenance, reflected in her eyes. He could see a tiny red ball in her arms, and he smiled a little despite his nausea. When she saw him, her entire face lit up, and her eyes hid her worry and simply expressed her encouragement as the tiny, overactive kitten scrambled over her excitedly. She waved at him eagerly, and he blew her a kiss, which made her blush.

He was going to win. Win because he was Gryffindor, win because of Prewett's bugging, win because he was a Seeker, and ultimately win because of Lily.

The distraction was broken as he watched Prewett and Crabbe shake hands as Captains. Prewett's hand was carefully controlled, every mean of polite determination pronounced in his movements, but Crabbe basically strove to crush his fingers. Madame Hooch blew the whistle.

And the game began.

James darted into the air, and the moment he was airborne, Gryffindor confidence and Potter pride overtook his fear and anxiety, and he saw Sirius laughing his barking laugh across the whipping wind. It felt good to fly, the swerving light freedom and the surrounding of crisp air and cold low clouds caressing his cheeks and the wind ruffling the hair he was so proud of.

The Slytherin Seeker Blaize Zabini was indeed a very talented flyer, nearly as good as James himself, and his dark hooded handsome eyes lazily followed James. James just smirked in his direction and swerved, his eyes following the hectic trance of the game, his eyes on the look-out for the tiny fluttering gold Snitch.

"Sirius Black, Gryffindor Chaser, in possession of the ball – ah, no, Mark Flint, Slytherin Chaser, intercepted the Quaffle, speeding towards the Gryffindor posts and he throws, and – and – Olivia Wood, Keeper of Gryffindor has saved it! Quaffle now in possession of Slytherin Chaser Rodolphus Lestrange…" James zoned out Jordan's commenting as his eyes scoured the field, and he could feel Zabini's eyes following him, watching if he saw the Snitch.

Should he fake seeing it? Try and get Zabini hurt by pretending?

A glint of gold caught his eye – no, it was just a watch on someone's wrist… "Slytherin leading twenty to zero…" He grit his teeth and steeply flew upwards, and he could sense Zabini follow him at a distance, and his eyes flew across the fields… "Gryffindor score – tied in twenty-twenty…" Was that the Snitch below him?

He hovered around slowly nearer and nearer, praying that Zabini would not notice, and then he made a wild dive down – but some Slytherin Beater had smashed a Bludger towards him, and he steered clear away, losing sight of it as Zabini's charming but chilling laugh of triumph rang in his ears.

"Damn!" he cursed, rubbing his elbow, which the violent ball had nicked.

"Gryffindor leading thirty-twenty…"

He began making rounds around the pitch, Zabini hovering above him. "Quaffle is intercepted by Lestrange…" His eyes darted around furiously as he zipped across the air. He could see Lily watching him with anticipation. "…saved by Wood…" His head turned as he searched the pitch… "Regulas Black, Gryffindor's very own Sirius Black's younger brother, a Slytherin Chaser, has intercepted the ball of Kathryn Bell of Gryffindor and is now zooming for the Gryffindor posts…" He could see nothing, all was bare, nothing but grass and a sea of people. "Save it, Olivia, save it – no, Slytherin score, tied thirty-thirty…" This was a horrible game, usually a spectacular Seeker like James would have found the Snitch now, twenty minutes into the game… "Foul!" And Prewett went to take the penalty for when Beater Crabbe had hit Olivia on the back with his Bludger, though she had swerved to only get a bruised scrape on her side, which she easily mended with her wand… "Gryffindor leading forty-thirty, take that!" He looked around desperately… "Black of Gryffindor has scored! Gryffindor leading fifty-thirty…" His eyes swept the clouds, the pitch, and he couldn't understand why he couldn't see it… "Slytherin score… Why has neither of the Seekers found anything?"

Then he realized. He had looked down, he had looked eye-level. He had not looked up, up where Zabini was, because he was already so high he couldn't make put any face at all, so high that falling meant certain death. So he looked up, squinting into the white winter sun, and at first he saw nothing but Zabini's lithe silhouette. Then when he saw it, he could have laughed. What an obnoxious idiot Zabini was. The gold Snitched was hovering above the Slytherin's dark sleek hair, almost as though it was taunting him. Thinking he was looking at him, Zabini raised his eyebrows. James shot him a dangerous smile, which shocked Zabini a bit, and scared the hell out of him when James rocketed up to him – and this was his very intention, to make Zabini think he was attacking him.

Zabini immediately veered out of the way.

Gryffindor won two hundred to forty.

The Gryffindor team gathered around James, dragging him to the ground and surrounding him, patting him on the back and congratulating him. The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were cheering, the Slytherins booing, but James was too happy to care. Untangling himself from his team, he glanced around as he dashed towards the stands, the eyes that once searched for the Snitch now hunting for Lily.

He shoved his way past congratulating groups, but he came to a standstill when he saw a familiar scarlet-headed someone with a red cat at her heels, with no other than Derek Hunter.

"Lily?"

The redhead turned, and indeed it was Lily. Her face burst into a wide grin. "Congratulations, James, that was incredible!" she squealed, throwing her arms around him.

"What were you doing with _him_?" he scowled, jerking his head at the smirking Hunter.

"Oh, him?" Lily said dismissively. "He just appeared out of nowhere. Ignore the jerk. You did so well! Scarlet and I are so proud!" James shot Hunter a suspicious look, but turned his attention back to his Lily.

Let's just say there was a very big party that lasted till 2a.m. that night, and only stopped when a very irritable Professor McGonnagol stormed in. Though anyone could have sworn a small smile had twisted on her lips at the sight of them.


	18. Chapter 18

**Next chapter. :D**

**POV by James and Colette, will be labelled, though, and one of Lily Evans' diary entries later.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 18

**Colette Prewett POV:**

"Sirius!" I say in mock rage, slapping his arm in playful anger as the other Marauders roar with laughter at Sirius' recount of an old time.

"Oh, loosen up, Colette love, it was just a bit of fun!" Sirius laughs the barking laugh I'm crazy for and I just smile, rolling my eyes. "Hey, I think Lily will be back just about now..." I say, checking my watch. I can see James' eyes light up like a child's at Christmas. I roll my eyes again – lovesick boy.

I remember when Lily told me she was finally going out with James, I was overjoyed for her. So were the rest of the girls. We'd watched and shaken our heads and sighed as Lily ranted and raved about 'arrogant, conceited, stuck-up' James, and knew how much she loved him without realizing it. We'd talk about it when she was at Prefect's duty or in Arithmancy – she was the only one amongst us who took that terrible subject.

We had talked about it when I started dating Sirius, but we never told James that we could see how much she really adored him – women's eyes.

"Shall we go get her? I miss her already!" James says excitedly, breaking my train of thought.

"Oh, James, what will you do during the summer holidays when she's gone?" I sigh, though I'm smiling as I drag Sirius towards the Great Hall with my hand on his elbow, and the other Marauders follow along, James bouncing in anticipation at the thought of seeing Lily.

Lily had gone with Mabel Boot and Alysha Patil shopping today, as a sign of their new alliance – I don't want to call it friendship. It seems too suspicious, and Lily had always been a fairly unsuspecting, innocent, gullible little girl, always ready to be friends with people – well, except James, apparently. But I suppose if Lily trusts them, I will to. Once friends, always friends – we trust and love each other; we are a family, sealed by neither blood nor contract, but by love and care, and we will always be there for each other. That's how it's always been. The only secrets between us were knowledge of Lily's unknown love and of Sirius' and mine.

We – the girls and the Marauders – had sent her off this morning at eleven o' clock, and it was about five o' clock, due for them to arrive in time. It had been very weird. Patil had been struggling to keep a straight face. But Boot was grinning in an almost frighteningly gleeful way, almost wicked.

Weird.

"Let's go!" James whines as Remus stopped to frown into the book he was reading, shoving him.

"James!" Remus chastises as a mother would a child, and James groans and gets down on his knees. I giggle as he begs, "Please, Remus, I swear I'll be a good little boy and do my home-work and eat my vegetables and all that crap, if we can go find Lily now! Please, mother?" Remus rolls his eyes, and James grabs the hem of his robes. "Please?!" "Okay, okay," Remus says hastily. "Merlin. Let's go!"

We continue walking to the hall. "So where will Lily be?" James asks eagerly.

"Um, around the bend, at the end of the Great Hall, I think. Haha, did I ever tell you about the time-"

My voice falters as we round the bend.

My God.

**James Potter POV:**

My God.

No. Please – no.

But yes. The flaming locks of hair, the delicate curvy figure, the soft crooning sounds, it's all my Lily Evans. My Lily Evans kissing Derek Hunter. That bastard.

My God.

It's been so short – what, one week, two weeks? And she's already...

I see it all now.

She was talking with Hunter on the Pitch after the Quidditch Match. She told me that only she was invited to that Boot slattern's inexistent 'shopping spree' so no one else could come. I know why Boot looked so happy. She knew. She knew. It was all a lie. Lies. Lily Evans is a lie. Her love, her faith is a lie.

I can hear a cracking, smashing sound, an internal breaking, an internal tearing, and I know it the heart Lily Evans so carelessly took and broke. My heart is broken, and my chest aches. I am consumed with such painful grief I double over as an inaudible gasp is torn from my lips. I struggle to breathe as I watch the obscene view unfold before me, the sickening couple too lost in their sickening world and their sickening actions to notice. I can't tear my eyes away from this horrific scene, but I know the rest of the Marauders and Prewett's jaws are slack, eyes wide. Apparently, even Prewett, her best-friend, doesn't know. Now who's keeping secrets? I think bitterly, as my heart-wrenching, shattering sorrow melts and leaps into anger, a rage that I struggle to keep below the surface, simmering and boiling, but never rising, never out of control, keep it in check as I try to say calmly, "Lily?" It comes out choked, clipped and hoarse.

The couple breaks apart from their embrace. Lily's beautiful expressive eyes betray her shock and her fear. "James? I-I-I can explain-" she cries, stepping towards me, but I hear none of it. First she cheats on me – then she dares deny it, try to give some weak-willed excuse? I am having none of it.

"I don't want to hear it!" I snarl. "You ungrateful wretch! After I loved you, and stayed with you, after I trusted you with my heart, Lily Evan, you so carelessly throw it away. I see what you really are now. Slut. Cheat. I never thought you were like this. I loved Lily Evans. You are not Lily Evans."

Then a strange smile twists on her lips, and an almost evil light – almost triumphant – shines in her eyes, and she says in a soft voice, the way a snake would, when stalking its prey, when poised, when preparing, going in for the kill, "Yes, James. This is me. Did you really think I loved you? You are pathetic, and you are worthless, and I could never love you. The Lily Evans you thought you knew is a shadow. She was weak. I am strong, and I would never fall for your puppy-affections, James," she spits my name like it is poison, and bitter on her tongue, and I would have cringed if I was not ready to throttle her. "Oh, but it was fun, watching you fall for me. It was fun watching you be fooled. You are stupid, and gullible, James Potter, and you will never change. What are you, next to Derek? A conceited bully. No morale. What are you, really? You're not that smart. You're not that talented in Quidditch. You are pathetic with emotions, and with girls. You were too conceited to see the truth. You are arrogant, and you are cruel. How many students have suffered because of you? How much have the Professors tired because of you? How much has Filch had to clean up after you? And they all love you. Love you, because they think you're so handsome and so funny. But I see who you really are. I do. And I could never love you." She leans back onto smirking Hunter's chest, and places a kiss on his lips. "I could never love you as I love Derek darling."

She walks up to me, inches away from my face, her Slytherin-green eyes shining with Slytherin-malice and Slytherin-cunning and Slytherin-evil, and she flashes a wicked smile. "You are truly a fool, you know."

And I can't take it anymore. With a sound like a whip-crack, my hand finds her pale cheek. Then my anger subsides. I just backhanded my Lily Evans. Then I realize – she's not mine anymore. And my rage refuels.

I look with contempt and disgust at her. Her cheek is turned, in the position where I had slapped her, a scarlet hand-mark stretched over her perfect skin. She is breathing heavily. Hunter looks shocked, but makes no move to protect her. Petty boyfriend.

The red hair I loved so much is hanging from her head, tangled from the heated embrace earlier. I can see her pale, flawless neck, stretched and long and elegant. Beautiful. It makes me even angrier. I notice she changed her perfume, or shampoo, or soap, or whatever the hell it is that creates her scent. The sweet lemongrass I lusted for has been replaced by a nauseous, cloying scent, almost floral, too strong. It makes me feel ill.

She turns back to me, her face expressing her shock and her anger.

"Yeah," I say coldly. "I'm a fool, a fool to think you were better than this. Yeah. We're over. Farewell, Lily Evans. Have fun with Hunter."

"Oh, I'm sure I will!" she spits. "Let's go, sweetheart." I feel the urge to throw up at her endearment, and when I watch her walk away, I keep my face straight as possible.

But when they are out of sight, I fall to my knees. I can tell my eyes are glassing over.

Nothing anyone could say, nothing anyone could do, would be able to compensate the loss of my Lily Evans. My Lily Evans. His Lily Evans.

My howl of pain rings through the air as the pain of my mangled heart forces me into a small, shivering ball of tears and of shattering grief – all that's left of James Potter. All that's left of James Potter without his Lily Evans.

All that's left of James Potter, when he is a lie, when his heart is a lie, when the world is a lie, when life is a lie, when faith is a lie, when true love is a lie, when happily-ever-after is a lie. When Lily Evans is a lie.

...

_Strange, cruel and triumphant laughter rang through the air as scarlet muted to black, as green faded to brown._

...

**James Potter POV:**

When I wake come morning, it is dawn. A black mood has crept over my mind, and my heart still pangs. I walk into the bathroom, and scowl at my reflection. My hair is a mess – not the usual mess I'm so proud of, a matted birds'-nest kind of mess, and I can see dried tear-stains on my face, streaking down my cheeks. I must have been crying in my sleep. Damn it. Love me and leave me, Lily Evans, I hate you.

I wash up, and by that time the other boys have begun to stir. "Hey, Prongs," Sirius yawns, stretching. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I say bitterly, drying my hands on a towel as I smooth down my school robes. "I'm going down early for breakfast today. See you later." Only because I know Lily eats later, at like seven thirty, and it's about quarter to seven.

I walk downstairs, almost dead-like, and sit with robotic precision. The porridge in my mouth tastes like sawdust as I automatically begin spooning it into my mouth, and the orange juice in my glass tastes sour, and the bench I sit on feels like stone, the January air frozen across my skin despite the fact that I'm spot in the middle of a castle. Seconds snail into minutes, and I find nothing better to do than to keep eating. Nobody bothers me. Until a shadow falls over me.

"Hi, James! Why are you up so early?" I tense up when I hear her voice, soft and sweet and dreaming, and I look at her ludicrously when she kisses my cheek and sits down next to me.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Evans?" I spit coldly.

She stops in the action of pouring Scarlet a saucer of cream and milk, and a delicate line forms between her eyebrows. "What?" Her eyes are incredulous, inquisitive. "What?" She looks so beautiful when she acts so lost, and I almost forget myself.

"Oh, you know," I snarl, not caring who is looking. "Going around. Snogging Derek Hunter. Cheating on people. What you usually do."

She looks bewildered. She is one hell of an actress. But I'm not falling for her little act. "What? James, what are you talking about? Snogging Derek Hunter? Why the hell would I be doing that when I have you? Cheating on people? You mean you? What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend!" I roar, and her eyes open innocently in fear, and this time I really don't care if the entire Hall can hear us. "Yesterday! You even bloody talked to me about it! You told me, yourself, that you never loved me! You told me! Don't pretend! You were just playing with me!"

She's probably just trying to hook up with me again. She's never been so wrong. She even has her lemongrass scent back. "James? What are you talking about? I wasn't here yesterday! I went out with Mabel Boot and Alysha Patil, remember? You sent me off! We got back late, at ten o' clock. I don't understand. I never cheated on you. I love you, James. I love you."

"Don't lie, Evans," I lean back, suddenly tired. "I don't want to hear anymore."

"But-"

"Don't," I say sharply. She looks desperate, and ignorantly innocent, and sweet, and in-love, and honest. A lie. She's all a lie. She looks confused, like an innocent angel that has not yet learnt the cruelty of what lies beneath the clouds. "Don't," I whisper, turning my back to her. "We are over, Lily Evans."

Then I feel her desperate nails in my shoulder as she pulls me to face her. "James Potter! Don't you dare accuse me of something I never did!" Fury contorts her face, and as said all over the place, she looks beautiful when she is angry – but I don't want to face it now. "Don't you dare! If you want to break up with me, then tell me, God damn it, don't just pull an accusation from the air! I've barely seen Derek Hunter this whole week! I was out the whole day yesterday! And I love you. I would never cheat on you! I have a bloody conscience!" She's screaming at me now, and Prewett and Brown are pulling her away from me as I try to entangle myself from her furious grip.

Throwing me a look of furious contempt, she jerks her arm away from her friends, and storms off. Her hair is flying behind her, bouncing on her back as she stalks away, and I can see the scar that mars her creamy skin, and Scarlet padding behind her, Prewett and Brown running after her.

That little wretch! First she cheats me, then humiliates and lies and denies all claims! I drag down the sleeve of my robes and T-shirt, and I can see red nail-marks on my shoulder. She abuses me too. Damn her to hell!

Thankfully I don't have a class right then, because I storm up to my dormitory in a temper.

I just trash my bed, yelling and swearing, cursing and calling her names, and I finally end up sitting on the edge of my bed, burying my face in my hands, and Sirius puts an arm around my shoulder, and I begin to cry. The Marauders are the only people I ever cry in front of.

"Merlin, Padfoot, I thought I could trust her!" I choke as Sirius comforts me. "I thought I knew her for five years. I was in love with her for five years! No – I was in love with nobody. I was in love with a shadow. I was in love with a dream. An unreal and perfect person. I should have known. I'm broken - I'm lost, Sirius, help me!"

There was a silence as I wept like a child, too broken-hearted to feel ashamed.

Then Remus, who was sitting on the bed next to mine, his, said softly, "James... I have a theory. But I can't tell you yet, because I'm afraid I might be wrong, and I don't want to get your spirits too high only to fall. But there is hope."

I look up. "Hope? What hope may there be?! Lily has betrayed me, it came from her own poisonous lips, and I saw the truth of it in her eyes yesterday, damn it! Don't fall for her acts and wiles, Remus – she's a Slytherin at heart, don't be fooled, fooled as I was! It will kill you as it has killed me."

"No," Remus says firmly. "There is always hope." And he says nothing more, no matter how hard I beg him.

I guess I'll just have to wait.

**Lily Evans' Diary:**

Dear Diary,

I don't understand. I was out the whole day yesterday, with Mabel and Alysha. I don't even like Hunter as a friend. What on earth is James talking about? I'd never cheat him. I love him like the sun and like the rain and like the sea, and like life itself. Something's wrong here. Something is very, very wrong. Yesterday's memory was hazy and I woke up with a pounding headache.

Something is wrong. But I don't know yet.

All I know is that I didn't cheat on James, and yet he so ardently claims it so. He believes I have cheated on him. But I wouldn't – I couldn't. I wasn't even here yesterday.

Something bad is happening. I can feel it. But I can't tell what it is. It's magic – but it's wrong. It's very wrong. It feels dangerous, and yet played for a petty reason. Yesterday is a foggy memory. I don't remember much, just what we did, though I remember very clearly the first half hour, and the rest fades into grey.

I'm scared.

Love, Lily.

**That might leave you wondering a bit.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Next Chapter. :))**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 19

Lily was miserable.

She hadn't spoken after that to James for barely a day, and yet she felt so hollow, so empty, so… in pain. She was scared too. Who had done this to her? Who had framed her? Inside, she was cold with fear: what would they do next? And, she thought bitterly, James wasn't even there to love and to comfort and to hold her in her moments of doubt. She missed him, sorely. She hated him for it. She yearned for his touch and forgiveness of whatever sin she had been framed for, and yet she despised him for making her feel so broken.

Or maybe he had never really loved her – maybe he just viewed her as a challenge. Lily almost threw up with pain and disgust at the thought, and her eyes stung.

Only her girls believed her, and seemingly and strangely Remus Lupin. No, scratch that. Colette didn't believe her either. She seemed to believe strongly that she had actually seen Lily with Hunter. Neither did Andromeda – Sirius, regardless of the rather strong sibling, or rather family, they were cousins, rivalry, had convinced her that Lily had betrayed James, convinced her that Lily was a two-faced and untrustworthy bitch. And that made Lily sad. Just sad, a drowning sad, heavy and breathless, and mottled with anger and disbelief.

_"I-Andromeda, you-you're my friend – you don-don't believe me? But I-I-" Lily couldn't choke out any more words and could only look pleadingly at her friend. This friend just looked at her – and turned her back on her. Lily was crushed. A crushed, broken flower._

Colette had been worse. Andromeda had just left. Colette had yelled at her. Called her names. Told her how she thought she knew her and how she now knew who she really was. Lily had tried to reason with her, but Colette had none of it. Lily got mad. So, so mad. The catfight had been only verbal – fifteen year old girls like them didn't resort to violence – but it had been terrifying, leaving several shocked and weepy girls watching Colette storm away, and watching Lily staring after her in disdainful contempt. Lily masked herself in rage and disgust, but inside she was crying. Inside she was torn.

Derek Hunter, of all people, had tried to comfort her. He seemed to think that she had been cheating with him on James, and this made her really, really mad, especially when he offered to help her get revenge.

_"Hey, Lily baby, I'm sorry that you had to lose James for me, but there was no need to coo all over him just now," Derek had told her, his face stern, before he smiled in a way a mother would when forgiving a child. Lily had looked up from her Transfiguration book, her sour expression hinted with her incredulity._

_"What the hell are you talking about, Hunter?" she demanded, fuming, casting her book aside. "I don't know what the freak is going on, but I'm not with you!"_

_"Oh, Lily darling, there's no need to get mad," he smirked wrapping his arms around her, ignoring her futile efforts to struggle away. "Never mind, pumpkin, it's okay, you're just a little confused. It's perfectly understandable. That bastard Potter had no right to insult you. Should we get revenge on that git? I could have him and his pathetic little friends beaten up. How about it, honey?"_

_Regardless of how tempting this might have been to real-backstabbing and heartbroken exes, Lily had no intention whatsoever to humour him. She was in a fiery, bitter temper, and she didn't feel like playing along to whatever crappy games people thought they could get away with. Getting 'revenge' on James like that was pathetic, and she wasn't wasting her precious time doing that kind of shit, especially not with Hunter._

_She gave him a burning glare of complete hatred and disgust, before kneeing him, rather hard, in the groin. He howled in shock and pain, dropping her. She wasted no time in raising her hand and slapping him clean across the face as blood rushed to form a bright print on his tanned cheeks. Scarlet seemed to understand that her mistress did not like this fellow, and on the contrary loathed him with a passion, and put her claws to good use._

_Lily then scooped up Scarlet and ran to her dormitory, and cried as she held her mewling kitten close._

_"Oh, Scarlet, you're all I have left of James… Please don't leave me."_

Lily cast charms on her bed that night.

No one heard her crying to sleep that night.

…

James was miserable.

He couldn't stand it. It was killing him, consuming him, tearing him apart. All he could think was Lily, Lily, Lily. All he could think of was how foolish and lovesick he was.

He irritably ignored the girls that made those annoying sympathetic coos as they tried to gain his favour now that he was uninvolved and ignoring them instead of cursing them away. He was particularly irritated when the slut Boot basically crawled into his lap – trying to comfort him, of all things, and he shoved her away.

And all the while he was thinking of her beautiful voice.

_He and his mates, the Marauders, his best friends since they crawled from their cradles, entered the only empty compartment in the Hogwarts Express, at the age of eleven. Or well, almost empty. He could see a figure curled up at the window, a mop of red hair facing him. She was small. She looked like a first-year, like he was, and she looked like she was really upset. He sniggered internally. Cry-baby._

_He sat down, laughing boisterously and loudly, chatting in booming voices, when he heard a quiet, female voice say, cuttingly, "I expected you had enough manners to knock."_

_And even in its icy factor that was when James Potter fell in love with Lily Evans' voice. But he didn't know that. He was eleven. Eleven year old boys don't fall in love._

_They turned to glance at the girl. She hadn't even turned around._

_"Mind your own business," Sirius had sneered. "It's not your compartment." Before he could continue insulting her, Remus cut in, "I'm sorry, that was very rude of us. Is it alright if we sit here? The other compartments are all full." It was just like polite Remus Lupin to be nice to a sniffling, grouchy, prissy first-year girl._

_The girl sighed. "Yes."_

Her beautiful eyes.

_"Let's go, Severus!" she had said angrily, standing up, with that idiot Snivellus by her side._

_"Let's go, Severus!" he imitated in a lofty tone. He nearly fainted with shock when she turned her clear orbs on him – bright, flashing, a dazzling and rich deep green, framed by long red lashes and murderous with rage, glowing with emotion, withering and intently, a burning gaze._

_That was when he fell in love with Lily Evans' eyes._

Her beautiful laugh. Her beautiful smile.

_He thought he heard an angel, and his head turned, automatically with about half the school._

_It was not an angel. It was Lily Evans, laughing at something one of her friends had said, and laughing so hard she was bent over. Her laughter was not the gentle, flirtatious tinkle of the other girls, but a string of unidentifiable music, harmonious and flowing, sweet and lilting and completely unfamiliar, breathless and beautiful._

_Her smile was radiant and bright, and seemed to light up the entire Great Hall, and her eyes were laughing too, bright with joy and light._

_That was when he fell in love with Lily Evans' laugh and her smile._

Her touch.

_They had been paired up for Potions, and Lily didn't seem in the least pleased, but obediently did her work. For once, James did his fair share of work. After all, it was in his instincts to impress pretty girls, even at the age of eleven._

_"Pass the lacewings," she ordered, not looking up from the cauldron, and James held out the little package of bugs, but when Lily's hand wrapped around it, he didn't let go. She looked up at him in annoyance, only to see a shocked face with wide chocolate eyes and a slack jaw. She sighed, and tugged gently, and finally he let go. Then she turned back to her cauldron._

_Meanwhile, James was staring at his hand. When Lily's skin had come into contact with his, electricity had crackled in his veins and fire had burst in his mind and his heart. He thought love-crazed people just imagined that feeling. But his hand was still tingling, prickling, with a longing, a yearning he had to control._

_That was when James Potter fell in love with Lily Evans' touch._

Her.

_His heart sped up every time he saw her, heated up with delicious warmth every time she laughed, melted every time she smiled, burned with rage every time she was angry, tore every time she cried. He was consumed in her presence, dead in her absence._

_Other girls, pretty and plain, rich and poor, pureblood and mudblood, seemed a minority. Only she could put an impact in him. Only she could make him soar inside. Only she could bring out the gentle side in him. Only she made him feel... love, that way._

_It was only she that he yearned for._

_That was when James Potter knew he was in love with Lily Evans._

_His Lily Evans._

His Lily Evans.

She was not his anymore. She was nothing. She was a lie. She was not the Lily Evans he knew. The Lily Evans he knew was a dreaming fancy. She didn't exist.

He sighed. What was Remus talking about? Lily had said it herself. She had said she had betrayed him herself.

His heart was withering away.

He looked out the window, where Lily seemed to be pondering, leaning against a pillar. Scarlet was padding around her feet.

Then suddenly he realized something strange. Very, very strange.

...

Remus Lupin left Professor Dumbledore's office, a smile of triumph on his tired face. He had been successful. Professor Dumbledore had not said it directly, but Remus had a feeling he had agreed with his theory. He had signed the slip anyway.

Remus ran down to the library, as fast as he could. He checked his watch. It was half an hour to his next lesson. The faster he could prove his theory, the better. Finally, as he approached Madame Pince, he pulled the slip of paper from his pocket, and passed it to the librarian.

She lifted in up to the light, and scrutinized in, as though checking it for a forgery, but pass her test it did. She passed it back to Remus and went off for a few minutes, and returned with an old, thick tome. Its magical aura was dark, dangerous and powerful, and Remus almost shuddered when he took it in his hands.

He looked down at the title inscribed on the old leather, and checked the borrowing list behind the cover, and found exactly what he wanted.

He quickly but carefully shoved the book into his bag, and smiled once again at the slip of paper.

_I, Professor Albus Dumbledore, allow Remus J. Lupin to borrow from the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts Library, _Moste Potente Potions_._


	20. Chapter 20

...** I suppose that's what happens when you tell stories to children. Everything is automatically so obvious. Darn... :P**

**Chapter 20 is here! :)**

**Disclaimer: ... I. Do. Not. Own. Ever. Sadly.**

Chapter 20

"Lily Evans?" I heard a small, scared voice say. I turned around to see a girl, maybe in Second Year, looking at me with big, frightened eyes.

"Yes?" I say kindly, kneeling down so I'm eye-level with her. "Is there anything you need?"

"Professor Dumbledore wanted me to give you this," she said, passing me a slip of rolled-up parchment, and I take it in my hands. "Thank you, dear," I say vaguely, straightening up and unrolling it as the girl scurries away.

"What is it?" Lucy asks curiously as they all peer over my shoulder.

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_Please meet me in my office, at ten thirty sharp. You have been excused from your next class already. Do not bring anyone. Please hurry._

_Thank you._

_Yours,_

_Professor Dumbledore_

"That's strange," I frown. What did I do this time? Am I in trouble? My heartbeat quickens some. I've had enough excitement for one week already. I glance at my watch. 9.59! I need to go already! "Bye, guys, it's already ten!" I speed off towards his office. Thank goodness I happen to be really nearby, about five minutes away.

It's feels almost good that I am called to his office, I think to myself. It helped me get my mind of James for about ten seconds – I feel like crying every time I think of him. What delusion has come over him? The rest of the Marauders and hell, even Colette seems to think I did cheat on him! I had a fight with Colette. She didn't believe me, and now we ignore each other. Well, for about a day. James accused me the day before yesterday, and I'm struggling to survive without him. How did I do it before, damn it?

Oh, speak of the Devil.

When I burst into Professor Dumbledore's office, out of breath, the first person I see is the said boy – James Potter. I swallow. We've been avoiding each other. He looks at me, not with hate, strangely enough, but with curiosity and almost hope. Then I see Remus Lupin. That's strange. He has a very pleased expression on his face, but not in a smug, haughty way, more of in a relieved and happy way. Even more strangely, Derek Hunter is there as well. He does't look too pleased. Strangest yet, Mabel Boot and Alysha Patil are there. Their faces are paper-white, and I can see utmost terror reflected in them, and Mabel's long painted fingernails grip painfully into Alysha's arm, and Alysha is clutching her back, shaking slightly, and it was as though the sight of me confirmed the suspicion of their worst nightmares. Okay. Weird.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Professor," I say, glancing hurriedly at my watch: it says 10.04.

"Not at all, Miss Evans, not at all," he smiles, and though his smile is kind and reassuring, his eyes hold no warmth; no, on the contrary, they are angry and serious. "I did send off that letter rather late. I do apologize for making you hurry. Now – to a more serious matter – the matter we are here to discuss. Miss Evans, please sit down."

He gestures at one of the extra chairs he conjured up in between James and Remus. Avoiding eye-contact with my previous boyfriend, I sit down nervously. Professor Dumbledore pats a book on his desk, and my eyes attach to it: _Moste Potente Potions_. I've never heard of it before, but it sounds familiar – oh yes, Professor Slughorn did mention once in class. I thought it was under the Restricted Section of the library? What's it doing here?

"It has been brought to my attention... well, many things have been brought to my attention, all linked to one matter," Professor Dumbledore began, and I feel my cheeks warm – so that was why James was here as well. But what about Lupin and the rest? "Mr. Lupin here had a theory," Professor Dumbledore continued, "and seemed rather complicated, rather vague, and rather impossible. Allow me to explain further and in a different manner. Mr. Potter, I believe that you are quite certain Miss Evans told you that she had left you and cheated on you with Mr. Hunter?" James nodded vigorously, and I can feel my eyes stinging.

"Miss Evans – you are quite, quite sure that you have not cheated on him? That you had been framed?"

"Yes!" I half-yell, though I have no idea why Professor Dumbledore is asking. Since when did Professors, or hell, Headmasters meddle with students' love lives?

"Now, Miss Evans, before you came along, we were discussing a matter that had to do with it. We believe very dangerous magic was involved." That left me bewildered – what? Then for some reason there was a sweet relief. I was right. Something had felt wrong. Wait, I should not be feeling relieved. I should be feeling afraid, right? "And this is very serious. Miss Boot, please allow me to extract the memory from your mind as I continue to explain the situation."

Fear crossed Mabel's face, but she stayed stationary as Professor Dumbledore touched her temple slightly with his wand and seemed to draw out a silvery substance, liquid and gaseous at the same time, and I watch on curiously as he places it in a large stone basin, before I realize what it is – a Pensive. They're really rare! They display memories, I think.

"Now," Professor Dumbledore sits down again, his serious eyes piercingly bright. "I believe every single one of you was involved in this case of dark and dangerous magic – or rather, potion-making. Mr. Lupin here witnessed something very strange. He used rather doubtful yet somehow convincing clues to bear evidence, and has succeeding in solving this 'enigma'. He has found the culprits of this framing." He gestures at Mabel, Alysha and Hunter. My jaw drops. Mabel?! I thought she was my friend now! But-

"Miss Evans, do you remember clearly what happened on the day you went out with Miss Boot and Miss Patil?" Professor Dumbledore enquiries, and I shake my head truthfully. "Then I am afraid Mr. Lupin's theory is proving to be true." He sighs heavily. "Please approach the basin. This is a Pensive. It displays memories, and today will be experiencing one of Mabel Boot's memories." I approach the basin carefully as thoughts piece themselves. No…

Yes.

My pointer finger touches the smoky liquid, and I'm jerked inside, a blur of colours.

_I collapse on a hard, cold tile floor. It's dark and hazy. I'm not the first one here – Lupin, Mabel, Alysha and James are towering above me. James offers me a hand of assistance, but I ignore it and stand up on my own, turning my back firmly to him. With a thump, Professor Dumbledore lands neatly and lightly on his feet, and then Hunter is sent sprawling onto the floor. Alysha and Mabel are clutching themselves in fear – they probably have no idea what's happening. Neither has Hunter, he's glancing around wildly, and he took a wild jump back as someone in the memory walks right through him. It can't be much earlier than this year or the last, because the girl that walked through him I recognize as a second-year Hufflepuff._

_Suddenly, a familiar sound snares my attention. It's me – laughing. I'm surrounded by my girls. This was obviously yesterday – I can see us, walking towards the Great Hall. They're sending me – the other me – off, and I can see Mabel and Alysha waiting. I can even recognize them: Alysha's struggling face, Mabel's bright smile._

_"Bye, guys!" the other Lily smiles, waving as Mabel grips her shoulder in a euphoric grip._

_The euphoria at that time was unobvious to Lily – she had been innocently oblivious._

_"Let's go," Mabel trilled sweetly. She grabbed Alysha and Lily's hand, and spun on the spot. And it all faded into darkness. I blink when darkness consumes me for a couple of seconds, before paleness brightens the area, and I rub my eyes. I gasp. I remember this place. The posh gold-tiled floor; the ridiculously fancy crystal chandeliers that dangled all over the high arched ceiling; the brightness, the luminescence, the dazzling brightness that nearly blinded her, I remember it all. I glance up, and my eyes scoured the seven or so floors that stretch beyond my eye-limit. Well-dressed wizards and witches bustle along, and I cringed as crowds surge right through me. I see several familiar faces – I can see Narcissa Black, she's a year older than me; I can see Cornelius Fudge, some warlock who might become Minister; Mr. and Mrs. Lovegood, their son is Xenophilius Lovegood; hell, I even see Mrs. Potter – James' mother. I quickly weave my way through the waves of people, looking frantically for the rest of my companions. James is goggling at his mother, waving his hand in front of her face in vain. Obviously, he does not know how this stuff works._

_I look around. Where did Mabel take me? Oh yes. I walk towards the side of the great open area. Shops line the polished walls, some of them the most expensive shops in Britain. I zoom in on one familiar door. A brightly polished glass door with a gold handle looms before me, its interior hidden by heavy velvet curtains. I walk right through the door, and nearly bump into Lupin. James comes tumbling after me. Everyone else is there._

_And the next sight makes everyone else fade into insignificance as the scene before me unfolds._

_And as it all happens, the other me seems like a completely different person, a completely different someone. She is Lily. I am me. And this 'Lily' is hovering by a tall bookshelf. Mabel and Alysha, the memory people, are standing a little behind her. Both are tensed, poised._

_"Oh, hey, Mabel, look, it's Macbeth. I didn't know they sold Muggle books here. 'The deed is done, the doers undone'. I like that quote," I heard Lily say distantly, taking a paperback novel from a tall shelf and I can feel a prickling of suspicion as Mabel slowly approaches from behind. A stiff prickling creeps over my neck when Mabel raises her wand to shoulder-length._

_"Obliviate."_

_My knees crumple as I fall to the ground, and as Lily falls gracelessly to her side. Mabel walks forward, and grasps Lily's chin painfully, and the tip of her wand pressed hard in between her eyes._

_"You do not remember anything," she said slowly and clearly. "As far as you are concerned, you had a wonderful time. You had such a good time, in fact, you lost track of time altogether. We came back late at 10 o' clock. And you better follow these instructions, Lily Evans, like a good dog, little bitch that you are, aren't you?" And I wince as there is a sound like a whip, and Mabel strikes Lily hard across the face. I can sense the corporeal people behind me tense, and corporeal-Mabel release a choked sob of fear._

_Lily keels over onto the floor, her eyes glassed over, and I can hardly breathe from the lump that's settled in my throat. Stiff, her limbs are bent unnaturally, and a small trickle of scarlet slides from the side of her mouth. My hand comes up to my lips, and my tongue probes a broken tuck of skin I only just noticed on the inside of my cheek._

_"Why don't you just tell her that she cheated on James? Then there probably won't be so much complicated trouble," Alysha whined._

_ "Because, you idiot, she'll start questioning it. Why did I cheat on him? Why do I love Derek? The little bitch is like that. She questions everything. That's be more complicated, because she'll be all 'oh, I've got amnesia, I'm scared'. It's sickening. Has Derek got the old hag distracted?" Mabel asks Alysha with obvious authority, referring to the witch who ran the shop. Alysha nods. "Good," she says coldly, her eyes roving over Lily's clothes. "Let's go." She grabs Lily by the hair, and spins on the spot._

_Everything clouds over._

_The next time everything has cleared, we're in a spacious room, empty save for a couch on the wall, where Lily lies. Mabel, Alysha and Derek are looming over her. Carelessly tossed onto the floor was the book I saw on Professor Dumbledore's desk. Mabel was holding a small glass cup in her hand. Filled in it was a thick potion, a rippling dark green, the colour of my eyes. I recognized it immediately: the Polyjuice Potion. With my essence._

_Mabel threw back her short dark hair and swallowed it in one gulp. I shuddered when she licked her lips, and I felt warm wetness on my cheeks when the transformation took place._

_I had to bite back sobs when her black hair rippled into red, and when her dark eyes glowed green – my green._

_Derek gave her an appreciative onceover, and I find myself throwing a dirty look at the corporeal bastard behind me. I'm still a ball on the floor when Mabel begins to laugh, a hideous laugh of pure evil. The corporeal-Mabel looks desperate for a chance to flee, but there was nowhere to run now._

_She slides the tip of her wand down the side of her body, and her skimpy number morphs into the same blouse and jeans Lily was dressed in. She winks at Alysha, and I feel ready to throw up._

_"Mabel, they're going to be here soon," Alysha tells Mabel-Lily, and Mabel's eyes gleam. Derek bounces out the door eagerly, and Alysha hurries after him. Mabel strolls lazily towards the door, but she stops when her hand touches the doorknob, and she turns back and looks at Lily, with an almost sad look on her face, and her face expresses a strange emotion, almost pleading, pleading for me to understand – understand what? Her desperation?_

_"I'm sorry, Lily. I really am," she murmurs softly, and closes the door behind her. She sighs and leans against the door, covering her face with her hands._

_"The deed is done. Will I be undone?"_

And I am jerked back into Professor Dumbledore's office, in the present. There is a grave silence. I am still on the floor, kneeling. Then, Professor Dumbledore says quietly, yet clearly, with a hanging danger enunciated in every one of his words. "Perhaps I may speak to Miss Boot, Miss Patil, Mr. Hunter and Mr. Lupin outside?"

The rest of them shuffled outside, leaving James and I alone. There is a tense silence as I sit on the floor, my knees bent underneath my frame, my hands clasped on my knee. I determinedly avoid his eye, and thoughts swirl through my mind, clearing and bringing doubts and conclusions and understanding and confusion.

Mabel Boot pretended to befriend me, tricked me, and obliviated me. She Polyjuiced herself to look like me and fooled James into believing that I was cheating on him with Derek Hunter, Boot's accomplice, who probably didn't mind anyway – he only lusts for me bodily, the jerk. Alysha Patil was also an accomplice.

That leaves only two questions.

One: how did Remus Lupin know I was not me? I mean, how did he know that Mabel was not me, but was Mabel?

Two: Why did Mabel seem like she was... regretting it, in the memory, at the end?

I found that while I had been drawing these conclusions, my eyes had strayed to James. He was standing by the window, staring out at the vast scenery, his hands in his pockets, his back slightly hunched in an almost defeated way.

Then he spoke, and when he did, his voice was husky, and very emotional, "Lily, I... Lily... I'm sorry." He didn't even turn around.

"Sorry?" I mocked scornfully. "Sorry? You're sorry? That helps!"

He turns around sharply, and his brown eyes flash. "Well, what else do you want? I've said sorry! What more can you possibly want?"

"Oh, I don't know!" I say sarcastically. Except I really don't know. "Rack your brains! I'm sure you'll think of something! Like sorry's going to solve everything!"

"Well, sorry is all I've got to offer right now!" he half-yells, advancing with a single step, and I take a firm step back, scowling. Then his angry expression changes to one of pleading, but I remain firm, like what I did with Severus. So he thinks he can happily go mistake me and blame me for something I didn't do, and accuse me and reject me and embarrass me and kill ne inside, and just say sorry and have me forgive him? Well he can dream on!

"Well, sorry's not enough!" I yell back, and fury contorts his beautiful face again. He takes one long stride forwards and pushes me to the wall, with one fist pummelling either side of my head, hard, trapping me, and I can smell his dizzying scent.

"Look, Lily, I'm sorry, alright? I just didn't know. I can make mistakes too! Happy?" He kisses my forehead softly in a way only he can do, but I remain firm and turn my cheek away.

"I was way too rash and jumped to conclusions. I should have investigated. I'll stop all the stupid rumours and murder Hunter and the other two sluts. Happy now?" He kisses my temple, and I find it hard to keep a sigh in.

"I should have known that you would never do that. Happy?" This time he kisses the spot next to my eye gently, and it's pure Gryffindor determination that keeps me silent and still.

"That you love me," he murmurs and he kisses my jaw-line, running a hand up by arm as I struggle to keep quiet and I feel myself sinking as I fidget when I feel his breath, somehow cool and yet warm, deliciously scented, playing gently across my face. "I am a blind idiot that doesn't deserve your forgiveness," he continues, and my lip twitches slightly, but I remain firm like I did for Sev, though I'm congratulating myself on suppressing a moan of pleasure as he places a lingering kiss on my cheek, soft and long and tender, and wraps his arms around me, cradling me gently, and when he next speaks, his breath tickles my ear ever-so-gently almost like a summer's day breeze, and I exhale, squeezing my eyes shut.

"And that I love you like you'll never know and I'll never let you go because you are perfect."

This time his lips come into contact mine, and I can feel my drizzling determination and self-control melt away as I respond eagerly, and I deepen the kiss automatically, moaning softly, and he sighs at the vibration, sucking softly on my bottom lip as I can feel us both heating up rapidly as the rest of the world melts away into nothingness and all that matters is James Potter and now, and oh, the feel... His lips taste perfect, velvety, so soft and warm and gentle and yet rough it makes me giddy, and for a while we both occupy just one space in this universe, for a while we are one. I can feel myself drowning in him, drowning in his love, his passion, his everything, but before we can go any deeper, I have to break away for air, though it kills me. How ironic.

And as we pant quietly for a moment, James looks at me. "Happy?"

"Happy," I reply with a gleam in my eye, and I crash my lips back onto his, this time more rough and passionate, unlike the last kiss, a more soft and chaste one. It goes on for several minutes because I can't bear to pull away, and neither can James, and we're so wrapped up in our little romantic world the entrance of everyone else goes unnoticed until Professor Dumbledore clears his throat loudly. We both jump apart, and I can feel my countenance burning as my gaze drops to the floor.

"I think, Miss Evans, you have had enough excitement for one month," he says, sitting down. "This will be announced tonight before the feast. Fifty points will be given to Gryffindor for Mr. Lupin's awareness, etcetera. As punishment, a hundred points will be deducted from Ravenclaw for Mr. Hunter and Ms. Patil each. Fifty points will be deducted for Ms. Boot. All three will serve detention till the summer holidays."

The last sentence is nearly drowned when James and I both protest loudly.

"WHAT?!" James blurts, and I sigh. He'll never grow up. "How come that cow – er, sorry, Professor – only gets fifty deducted?! You said that she dealt with dark potion making! Isn't that like, really bad? I mean-I-but-she-"

"Maybe," Professor Dumbledore interrupts calmly, "when the time comes, Miss Boot will explain." James looks ready to explode, but at one glance from Professor Dumbledore, I place a hand on his discretely, calming him silently. Mabel throws me an apologetic and grateful glance. Lupin also seems to approve, so I guess I'll live with it.

"You are dismissed," Professor Dumbledore says, pulling out a sheaf of blank parchment and his quill. "I have several letters to write." I nod, and drag James out of the office. The moment we're out of earshot, James begins ranting. "What the hell is that old coot playing at? That must have been dark magic! And against you too," he murmurs softly, pulling me close and tenderly brushing a tendril of hair from my face, completely ignoring everyone else, or well, just Lupin, because everyone else had fled. "My poor darling," he croons, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Oh, my little James is such a cheesy sweetheart under all his bad-boy attitudes. I kiss his cheek.

"Never mind, no harm done," I try to soothe, though I'm actually pretty mad. Well, I suppose Professor Dumbledore does everything for a reason.

His eyes just darken as he growls, "Yeah right. We were both broken-hearted and everyone is bad-mouthing you. Hell, even I was cursing you! Oh Merlin, that bitch tricked me into hating you! How could I ever do that? I'm so stupid! I'm sorry, Lily darling, I know I'm such an-" I cut him off with a sweet, quick kiss on the lips, pulling him close by the collar.

"Nothing will ever pull us apart, ever," I say fiercely. "Unless you want to."

"Never!" he answers softly, leaning his forehead on mine lovingly, eliciting a sigh from me as I smile a little. "You're all mine. Forever. Amor Vincit Omnia." "Love conquers all," I mumble, translating the phrase, closing my eyes.

"Yes," he replies softly. "Amor Vincit Omnia. Love conquers all. Even death. Even stupid curses." And he kisses me again.

Poor Lupin just stood by the side, awkward and embarrassed as we embraced.

I guess we just can't be separated.


	21. Chapter 21

**Ok, here comes the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Happy?**

**Colette's POV(WARNING: contains not-so-happy things you may NOT want to read. You can skip the italicised, just bear in mind that Colette is depressed. Very depressed.) :**

_I found out. Last night. I was wrong._

_I can't believe I dare call myself Gryffindor. I wronged Lily, and I can't even find the courage to apologize. It's stupid. It's cowardly. I hate myself. What kind of person am I? Lily was such a good person. She was my friend. She was so sweet and innocent and kind. She always was so forgiving. But I've blamed her so severely for something I should have known she should not do. Being cleverly conned is no excuse for doing that._

_It's killing me. All of this. I can't even face Sirius anymore – dear Sirius, my Sirius, the Sirius that expresses an internal side that no-one else sees. I find myself avoiding them – avoiding everyone. Hiding in the library, at the back of class, at the corner of the Gryffindor table – I find myself avoiding them like the coward I am. I can't bear it._

_And every time I muster the courage to walk up to Lily, it all falters and I turn away._

_I can't do it._

_I'm so hopeless. I'm so useless. I can't even apologize for something I did to my best friend. Something terrible. I feel so terrible. I'm aching inside. It's tearing me apart. I'm dying here. It burns. I find it hard to breathe sometimes. My eyes are sore, and they sting when I wash my face, because I've been crying my eyes out._

_I'm so terrible. I just want to forget; I want to die. And when I thought I could escape myself through sleep, I was so wrong. She plagues my dreams, poor crying Lily, wronged and sad and innocent._

_I want to die. I want to just forget; I wish I was never born; I don't want to be me; I want to relieve the mental pain; I want to die. It's eating into me, the guilt and the self-hate. It hurts. It's killing me._

_I hate myself. Why did I do it? Why can't I forget? Am I cursed with the knowledge I hurt my best friend? On purpose? Is it in my nature to hurt people? Please, no, I don't want to be like this. I deserve to die. Lily must have been so upset, she must have cried herself to sleep. I deserve to die painfully and slowly. Why am I so goddamn sensitive? I try to hide that from everyone, but I can't hide it from myself; I can't lie to myself. Like I can't lie to myself about how terrible I am._

_I hate myself. I can't accept myself. I'm dying inside._

_And I'm so selfish. All I want to do is forget. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I never met Lily Evans. I'm just so damn selfish! But maybe it is better if Lily didn't know me._

_I'm such a useless friend. I keep secrets from my best friend, then I blame her for something terrible I should have known she never would be. I let rumours spread. I let others sneer at her. I even turn her friendship away in disgust. I hurt her. I hurt her on purpose._

_I hate myself._

_I have to relieve the pain. I have to._

_I push myself out of bed and swing out of the covers. I'm sweating, still, cold sweat of fear and guilt and internal pain from my Lily-ridden nightmares. I find my wand, and pull out a quill. I whisper a spell, and it immediately melts before shaping into a knife, small and short but with a cruel blade. It's not pretty; my Transfiguration's not the best, but it will have to do._

_I charm the curtains of my bed shut, and to make it sound-proof, and take a deep breath._

_"Ah..." The scarlet that ripples over the scarlet cream of my wrist is stark, rich, dark. It burns, stings, and my vision is going fuzzy, but somehow it feels so good. The intense pain makes my internal battle fade a little in significance. The long red line makes me forget all my grief for a few seconds. And I need more._

_My choked moans, alternating between pain and pleasure, mingling sometimes, fill the air as my mental and physical pain balances, as everything is drawn out evenly, as the force my internal grief softens._

_As the tip of my knife opens more and more pretty crimson lines. Long, steady swipes._

_Remembrance._

_Forgiveness._

_Redemption._

_Pain._

**Lily's POV:**

If you ask me, then yes, I'm happy.

I feel bursting with joy. I'm with James again; we love each other and belong to each other again. The rumours have all stopped; no one throws me dirty looks and calls me names and sneers at me, except for James' broken-hearted fan-club. All is well. Sort of. I can laugh and sing and be happy.

But if you ask me, yes. I'm sad.

Andromeda apologized at once. She begged for forgiveness, for friendship. I was so happy to accept her. She will always be my friend. But Colette didn't. She never... she...

Every time I see her walking in my direction, I think she's coming. But then she'll turn away, or she'll walk right past. Every time she does that, my heart rips just a little, and my eyes sting as I struggle to hold back tears. She's going to break me like this.

I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Why is she avoiding me? Can she hate me so much? It makes me so upset. Must someone's joy always be someone else's sadness? It makes me speechless. It makes James worried though. Every time Colette suddenly disappears and I suddenly go silent with prickling eyes, he seems to understand without actually knowing what's actually making me unhappy. He slips an arm around me gently and says softly, "Are you OK, Lily darling?" I'd nod, but he doesn't seem to believe him. It makes him upset too, but I don't want to upset him.

Why do I upset people so much? I've upset Colette, and I've upset James.

I'm just so horrible sometimes.

Colette even refuses to talk to Sirius, the latter gloomily reported. Am I even ruining their relationship? I don't want to ruin other people's lives! I don't want to hurt people. I want them to be happy.

But I can't. How am I going to resolve this?

...

A feel considerably more jubilant now, when I'm tucked snugly into bed, in my dormitory, where the sunlight is bright and happy, and I feel enveloped in a world of bliss. Scarlet mewls softly somewhere on my pillow. I laugh lightly and stroke her before getting up to change.

The sight of Colette's empty bed makes my joy dampen a little, but I brush the heavy weight off. I must not let this make me unhappy, I tell myself firmly as I brush my tangled red hair.

I dress and make my way down to the Great Hall. Breakfast smells wonderful, and I smile when I spot James. His entire face is illuminated by a bright grin when he spots me, and shoves Sirius up the seat to make room for me. I sit down and greet him with a kiss on the cheek before getting a saucer of cream for Scarlet. I sit down and stab a long sausage with a fork, slicing it primly on my plate. I see Colette huddled in a corner, and suddenly I'm not hungry anymore as I stab at my sausage more viciously. James is luckily looking in the other direction, chattering animatedly with Sirius. Over James' shoulder, Sirius gives me an empathetic look. He understands, understandable only because I know he really does love Colette, not like the playboy way he does to the other girls that fall at his feet. Rosalie, who is sitting on my other side, makes a sympathetic noise and strokes my hair a bit. Colette won't talk to her either, and Rosalie is usually the one Colette talks to when she and I get into a minor fight. Hey, best friends fight. But not like this. I smile at her sadly and pour myself some pumpkin juice.

"Hey, we all have a free period afterwards. Want to come and play Wizard's Chess with us later?" James beams at me, and I roll my eyes and nod. Everyone skips Divination. It's a load of crap.

Half an hour later, Sirius and Peter are engrossed in a very violent game of Wizard's Chess, which is quite a feat, because even if it's Wizard's Chess, it's really just chess. I sip a bottle of Butterbeer I brought back from Hogsmeade as I watch Peter fail dismally.

"Let's play truth or dare!" James declares loudly over Sirius' happy crowing. I almost refuse, but James must have sensed it, because he gives me adorable puppy eyes that I can hardly look at without melting. "Alright," I sigh, and he cheers, dragging me onto the floor.

We all sit in a circle: me, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lucy, Marietta and Rosalie. "How shall we do this?" Sirius says with a glint in his eyes, rubbing his hands. He conjures up a small bag, and tears up slips of paper. Each one holds one of our names. He mixes all the slips inside. This is a very long winded method of it. First we play some sort of game called 'pass the parcel'. Someone plays a song while the group members pass the package along. The last person holding it is 'it'. In this game, the last person holding it will close his eyes and pick out a name. The person of the name will be the victim of truth or dare.

Marietta is the first one to get the 'parcel'.

"Sirius," she smirks. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Sirius half-yells in excitement.

"Hm. Okay. Sirius... You must wear a dress and let Rosalie do your face and your hair and then dance the tango in the Common Room and not tell anyone it is a game of truth or dare."

The result was instantaneous. Everyone except Sirius burst into raucous laughter, and the exception choked on air. "What! No!" he cries. "My dignity! I'm too young to be stripped of it!"

"Oh yes," Marietta smirks triumphantly. "I dared it!" He moans as Marietta throws him a dress and shoves him into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later Sirius is capering around the Common Room, his long dark hair pinned up with dark pink bows, lipstick and rouge, dressed in a matching dark pink dress. I could scarcely breathe when all his fan-girls were heart-broken because they thought he became... well, like that. A First-Year took one look at him, screamed, "Cross-dresser!" and fled. Sirius kind of enjoyed causing this trouble, and for ten minutes, I got aches all over.

The next person to get the parcel was Peter. "Lily."

"Truth," I say immediately. I never said dare ever since the time I was playing with Petunia and the boy next door, and he dared me to eat a fish from the stream alive. Memories.

"Have you ever cheated in a test or exam?" Groans were heard all over the room. "Oh, Pete, that's no fun!" "Peter, ask something better!" But secretly, I was relieved. I have never been up for making a fool of myself in front of people. See? I really do hate this game.

"Never!" I reply indignantly. "How dare you! Do you question my honesty? Why, you so-and-so! How could you! You have no respect, young man!" I continue in the most drama way I can muster.

The game was pretty fun. James was dared to do the Teapot Dance in the Common Room; Peter was dared to eat an entire box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans, which he did, quite miraculously, without throwing up; Lucy admitted that the worst prank she had ever played was that she squirted globs of toothpaste all over the Prefect's Bathroom's towels; Rosalie kissed the next person who walked into the Common Room (luckily it was one of her previous BFs, not a Professor or a girl, that would have been overly awkward); Marietta was dared to eat her cat's food.

James pulls out a scrap of paper. "Remus!" he sings happily. "Truth or dare?"

Remus looks at us wearily. "Truth," he decides. James pouts, but then he grins widely again. "Okay, smarty-pants, tell us how you figured out that it was Boot and not Lily." At this we all lean in with eager interest. Come to think of it, I am pretty interested in how he found out. I would never have realized it. I'm no Sherlock Holmes.

Remus sighs, runs a hand through his hair and prepares himself for a long speech.

"It all really started with Boot's smell. It was the first thing that got me suspicious. You see, Lily's usually smells a very clear, sweet lemongrass scent, but that day, the scent was just completely disgusting. It was a putrid hyacinth smell. I just shrugged it off at first. That evening, I was paired with Boot for Transfiguration. I had to change an orange into a teapot, and she had to change it back. When she sat next to me, I nearly had a heart-attack. She smelled identical to 'Lily' – the hyacinth. I started getting suspicious.

"Then, on my way to the Prefect's Bathroom, I saw the Potions Master run past, muttering something about missing ingredients from his private store.

"I began to observe closer. I borrowed Professor Dumbledore's Pensive to view my memory once more. Yes, yes, I did ask for permission, get off my tail, Lily. I reviewed my memory again, very clearly, analyzing every detail.

"Eventually, I came up with several theories. Only one seemed legitimate. I began testing it. I tried to find hard proof, and consulted Professor Dumbledore. As you can see, there was a Polyjuice Potion involved. It was pure chance I thought of that, and I began thinking.

"Professor Dumbledore gave me some information, and a signature allowing me to borrow the only book in the school that had information on the potion: Moste Potente Potions. Under the borrowing list, I saw Boot's name, and the stamped date was two months before the incident. See?"

He produces the said book. "I asked Professor Dumbledore if I could see the book, and he said yes." He flips the first page, and written neatly beside a recent date was 'Mabel Boot' as we all lean in to get a closer look. "In the Pensive, I noticed a couple of details that made it seem unlike Lily, like she spoke in a different way, almost a tiny accent, but she was the most important detail." He indicated Scarlet, who was gambolling around.

"Scarlet?" I ask, perturbed.

"Yeah," he explains. "See, Scarlet always follows you around, right? Well, she wasn't there. That was kind of obvious." From the corner of my eye, I see James' jaw dropping. I smirk at his priceless expression.

…

**James POV:**

I stretch out over my bed, fully dressed, bouncing slightly on the comfy duvet.

"Okay, now I understand what you meant when you told we there is always hope," I grin widely at Remus as he rolls his eyes. Lily giggles softly and sits down on the side of my bed, poring through the Moste Potente Potions book. Sirius, Peter and the rest of Lily's friends are still playing Truth or Dare, but the three of us kind of gave up. Okay, let me rephrase – Remus and Lily gave up. I quit to be with Lily. It's sort of painful being away from her. Good thing I we're in the same house.

"But Scarlet wasn't the only reason I noticed," Remus says quietly. I glance at him.

"Okay then, what else did you notice?"

There's a pause. "That." Remus indicates Lily's neck. "Yes, I know about Lily's curse."

"What?!" Lily gapes, and my eyes quickly flick over Remus, trying to analyze the situation, but his expression shows he means no harm.

"Relax," he soothes. "I'm not telling anyone. I'm just pointing it out. Boot didn't have the scar that day." And it all flashes suddenly. When I backhanded her, her cheek turned, and I saw her neck, stretched out. I even remember thinking how beautiful and flawless it was. Except Lily's neck was not flawless! It has that scar stretched across it, beautiful yet hideous. I can't believe I didn't notice the cat fact or the scar fact! I am so blind! Stupid, stupid, stupid…

As I continue my internal raving, Lily asks, "How did you find out?"

Remus shrugs. "I was reading a book on curses and recognized the scar." I shake my head sadly. Remus reads way too much. That's when I suddenly realize something weird.

"Wait, if Boot took the Polyjuice Potion, shouldn't she turn into the exact Lily with the scar?" I ask curiously. He smiles and takes the book from Lily. "Look," he begins. "Polyjuice Potions have part of the person they are changing into, most often hair. Most Potions last about an hour odd. But Boot had to be cautious. She might need more than an hour, and it would be very awkward for her to start changing back right before your eyes, 'cause then she'd have some very serious explaining to do.

"One way to elongate the duration of the Potion's effects, is to use hair that is a little bit older. I have a feeling Boot planned this long time ago. I recall a while ago, Lily and Boot got into a little catfight?" Lily blushes at this, looking perfectly adorable. "My guess is that Boot had purposely provoked and been provoked, or rather faked being provoked, to get a chance to nick some of Lily's hair.

"That was before Lily fell into the Lake and got cursed, so obviously Boot became the non-scarred Lily. It's very obvious once you think about it. Here it says that it takes one month to brew. Even though Boot's in Ravenclaw, Potions are not her best, so she gave herself some extra time in case she botched up the first few attempts. Remember I told you that I heard our Potions Professor muttering about missing ingredients? That was Boot."

"Oh – oh, yes!" Lily says excitedly, peering into the book. "See? Bicorn Horns and Shredded Boomslang? Professor Slughorn said he ran out of them along with some other stuff, so obviously she couldn't nick those. I went into this little shop thing to do Christmas Shopping, and I overheard the shopkeeper telling some witch that a teenage witch bought those. At first I thought of Boot and the Parkinsons, because her description matched, but then I forgot all about it."

"That's right, I think," Remus beams pleasantly.

Lily continues, "Wow, you're really observant. Like the little things you said you noticed? That must have been really hard to pick up."

"You aren't usually that observant. Hey, I'm not saying you're not observant, I'm just saying you aren't that observant," I put up my hands in defence. "How did you even realize that?"

Remus blushes a little, which is weird. "Um, years ago, I might have had a crush on Lily."

"WHAAAAAAAT!?" I yell in outrage as Lily's face darkens in shock and embarrassment. "Are you kidding me? One of my best mates and I fell for the same girl? What the-"

"Stop," Remus says firmly, but I ignore him and continue ranting and raving. Remus liked Lily? But I liked Lily! I wanted Lily! Lily was mine! But I still want to be friends with Remus! Aargh!

"JAMES," Remus cuts into my thoughts. "Relax! I used to like Lily, keyword: used. Now she's a friend. No need to have a panic attack, you're overreacting. I'd never take her away from you. Here, have some chocolate."

I stuff the chunk of chocolate in my mouth and moan in pleasure as Remus passes some to a blushing Lily and munches some as well. "Why does chocolate always make people feel so peaceful?" I ask, lying on my back. I didn't realize I turned so tense and rigid at what Remus had earlier said about Lily.

"Oh," Lily says. "Chocolate is cooler than we are, and the melting effect tends to calm people. Also, it had endorphins which once consumed are then released and target the part of your brain which makes people feel happy, thus-"

"Stop," I interject. "I didn't need a long scientific explanation. Sorry, Lily darling. Can I have some more? Where did you even learn that?"

Lily just rolls her eyes. "We have science classes in Muggle schools."

"Boot wants to date James. Patil is Boot's best friend. Hunter wants to date me," Lily says. "So how come Boot looked like she was really regretting it at the end of the memory?"

At this, Remus' expression becomes very grave. "She will tell you when she is ready. Have some pity on her." Pity?! Right, and why? I open my mouth to start bugging Remus to tell me.

At this point, Sirius comes in singing some horrible song at the top of his lungs on a dare.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry it's a short chapter, I'm really busy... See you soon!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

**Colette's POV**:

"Miss Prewett, please pay attention!" Professor McGonnagal says sharply. I blink at her and nod bluntly.

"Yes, Professor," I say quietly.

Then the tiniest of frowns wrinkle her forehead, and she says softly, "Meet me after class." I just nod and turn back to my notes, and her voice is tuned out. I have much worse things to think about.

After class, everyone bustles out. Lily sends me a sort of pained look, and I turn my cheek away. If I have to see her face, I may start crying. I don't want to cry. At least not here; not now. Professor sends me a glance, and I obediently follow her.

"Miss Prewett," she says, closing the door to the empty classroom and turning around, "If there is anything wrong, anything at all... I'll be here for you as your Head of House. Don't think I haven't noticed; in fact, it is very obvious I noticed. You seem distant; you never pay attention in class; you're always alone; you shrink back from everyone; you never talk; you hardly eat; you rise late and you turn in early; you communicate with no one."

I just stare at her blankly, trying to shield the tempest within me as her dark, quick eyes bore deep into me. I swallow, and get the feeling when one is being mentally undressed, and suddenly I feel broken and vulnerable and exposed, and my eyes drop to the floor I feel weak. My jaw hardens at the thought. When she speaks, I raise my eyes, not to meet with hers exactly, but to look blankly at her nose.

Earlier her voice was kind but crisp and firm, but now it's softened, gentle. "Colette," I notice she says my first name, "please, it hurts even when you're like this. Your friends must be feeling terrible." My insides pang stingingly at this part. "You can tell me anything, I promise. I won't hurt you. I'm here for you, as a teacher, a counsellor and a friend if you wish it."

I swallow hard, and look at her, a small smile tugging my lips, though I know she can tell it's false. I sigh lightly and say, "Thank you for your concern, Professor McGonnagal, but I'm fine. I'm just... stressed, you know? OWLS, and all. But thank you." I think my eyes must express the message I'm trying to get a point at, and I think she can interpret it: please leave me alone.

She gives me a sad, sad look, almost like she knows what I've been feeling, what I've been thinking, what I've been... doing to myself, lately. And for one moment, my throat is choked by my heart. Has someone found out? She turns and gathers her papers.

"Well then, Miss Prewett," she says, her voice returning to its original business-like crispness. "Off to your next lesson. Tell Professor Slughorn I kept you in."

My head bows. "Yes, Professor. Good day." I turn sharply on my heel, but as I approach the door, she says softly, "Wait." I turn. "Yes, Professor?" She never even turned around, just paused, and said, "Never... never underestimate who you are."

I bite my lip. Yes, never underestimate the grief I can cause. "Yes, Professor," I say quietly, almost a whisper, and leave.

**Lily's POV:**

I heard the door creaking open, and soft footsteps, and I glance up from the heavy Potions textbook I was flipping.

"Good morning, Professor," the familiar voice in an unfamiliar softness murmurs. I bite my lower lip, gnawing it gently as Colette walks right past the empty spot next to me which I especially saved for her, the empty spot next to Rosalie which she had especially saved for her and hell, even the empty spot next to Sirius that he had especially saved for her. James puts a sympathetic hand on the small of my back, rubbing circles into it as Colette sits two seats away from a bunch of Slytherins. I blink back tears and try to concentrate on my text, though wet spots begin to stain the pages, and I swallow thickly.

For the lesson, Colette didn't cast me one glance. Her expression was perfectly schooled. Unreadable. A closed book. The only time she showed her internal wrath was when Professor Slughorn disapprovingly set her for a week of detention for her pitiful potion – I doubt she even made an effort in it. The only emotion was a flicker of angry agitation in her eyes, before she bowed her head and said in that quiet, humble little way I couldn't understand, "Yes, sir."

James puts an arm around my shoulder, and I offer a smile to him. He smiles back and kisses my hair at the temple. We both glanced over at Sirius. He's looking down, dejected, rejected. It must have hurt when Colette didn't even look at him. There's never been a second where James saw me and didn't come running to me.

In fact, I can see his dark eyes glittering, which is not a good thing. James and I share a look of despair. "Do you want me to talk to Colette?" he asks quietly. I shake my head slightly. "No," I reply equally softly. I know he's only doing it mainly for Sirius; and my sake, and for his friendship with the rest of us. "I don't think you could solve anything. I'll confront her later."

"You sure?" he asks. I nod, flashing him a reassuring smile. I quickly turn back to pouring some of the murky potion from my cauldron into a vial without spilling the acidic liquid over the desk as Professor Slughorn strolls by.

Once Potions is done, we go for Lunch. I decide to talk to Colette after Lunch, during one of our precious free periods. Then we'd have plenty of time to talk this over. I avoid Colette's eyes during Lunch, and laugh and chat with everyone else through my shepherd's pie.

"Hey." I turn with a sense of déjà vu, and a feeling of déjà vu. It was Mabel, again, twisting her skirt nervously. "Can I-can I talk to you in private?" she murmurs, her eyes downcast, but when they flicker up to catch my suspicious expression, she adds, "You can bring Potter, and Lupin. Potter should know too." I debate on this for a moment, before nudging James and following her out of the Hall. The déjà vu feeling was increasing, but somehow instead of a dangerous feeling of foreboding hanging overhead, it seemed more of a nervous touch of atmosphere radiating off Mabel, and none of us spoke. Finally we came a spot out of earshot of those in the Great Hall, and Mabel begins to speak hesitantly.

"I'm going to... tell you why... why everything," she begins nervously, and Remus, seemingly understanding of her predicament, gives a reassuring glance. "I... I was never in love with Potter. No, let me rephrase that... Um, let me start from the beginning..." She glances at Remus wildly for help, but he just smiles, so she turns to me and addresses me.

"Right... Uh, as you know, I come from a pureblooded family, the Boots. My parents... they are very adamant to keeping our line 'pure', you see? My brother, who left school last year, he didn't believe in all this... this stupid snotty prejudiced business. Neither do I – we're all humans, what's the difference? I mean, we can all perform magic. How is being Muggle-born dirty? Muggle-borns should be more special, come to think of it. They can conjure magic from a Muggle line! But that's not the point.

"My brother was forced to wed a Pureblood witch of our parents' choice, and I was forced to try to capture the heart of the Pureblood wizard by parents deemed worthy and wed him... James Potter.

"Now you ask me, why can I not just refuse? I never loved Potter; Potter never loved me. But my parents... Of course they foresaw this. Defiance runs in the blood of our family, and they knew we would both refuse, realizing that we didn't share their belief in Pureblood Perfection. They told us if we didn't marry and produce a Pureblood heir, we would be a disgrace to the society of magic. We would be thrown from this world. We would lose out inheritance. Most importantly and unforgivably, they made us take the Unbreakable Vow, and we both did it. In other words, our failure to marry a Pureblood, namely the one of their choice, would cost us our life.

"Thus, I was being selfish. I fought for my honour and for my life.

"Of course, when I first saw Potter, I had a crush. Who could not have a crush on him? Then I saw him pining for you, and I knew I was lost. You were made for each other. I didn't stand a chance, not against you. But I was desperate. I kept trying. Since I first learnt of marriage and Pureblood and Muggle-born – which was one I was about four or five – I was tossed into a sea of desperation, struggle, cunning, dirty work, fight for survival. I had to get Potter to actually survive, to keep up who I was, the status I was born in. I am who I am, and I can't escape from it, so I had to make it work.

"I clung to the slim hope that you would never love him, and I tried to flirt, to ensnare him the only way I knew how – arrogant, bitchy. I grew up that way – that was I was taught. I knew he hated that way, but I didn't know how else to do it all. It was kind of like Potter trying to make you love him – he only knew how to be snarky, to be arrogant and conceited, to try to boast around you.

"I did everything I could think of, I tried flirting, love-potions, 'devotion', and in the end, the Polyjuice Potion. You must understand – I was desperate.

"When you admitted you loved him, I almost wept. I was so selfish. I told myself I had to find a way to change this. So I planned it all. I always liked you, Lily, but my status prevented me from... being your friend, and the like. Everything I did was selfish, but my feral, wild want of life just betrayed me into doing things to you that you never deserved.

"I planned everything. I tracked you at Hogsmeade, pretended to get mad, pull out your hair, made the Potion, I did everything. Patil and Hunter, the stuck-up Purebloods, they were my parents' spies. I knew the first time they tried to become my 'friends'. I hated them with a passion, but I had to pretend – my parents would never accept me. So I pretended to think they were innocent little friends. I pretended to detest you, I pretended to be head over heels for Potter, I pretended to want to get him, to watch you fall. Everything cruel thing I did that was unnecessary, slapping you in the video, making cruel remarks, making your life so miserable in every way I possibly could, it was all a show to show them the lies I brewed were 'true'.

"I'm not supposed say sorry, or to ask for forgiveness. It was my job to be a bitch and try to steal your man. But... I am asking for forgiveness. I was so selfish I wanted my life. I was willing to steal someone from somebody, break her heart, even if I didn't even love him, all for my sake.

"So, I'm... I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me; I understand. I wouldn't have forgiven me either." She doesn't even give me a chance to speak before she flees.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

My eyes drop as it all spins in my head. Mabel… She never really loved James? It had all been a forced show? James meant her survival? She would lose her social status, her inheritance, her life, her everything, if James didn't marry her? Okay, her parents have gone bonkers.

But she's given up. She will die. Breaking the Unbreakable Vow meant death – surely she didn't – surely she wouldn't die?

I can sense a pounding headache coming on, and I groan. So Mabel wasn't really that bad – she was just desperate, desperate for her life, which is perfectly understandable.

I feel a warm pair of arms wrap around me. James recovered from this shock faster than I'd thought. "Maybe we should go sit down," James suggests worriedly, though his voice seems distant as I'm buried in this new puzzle – how do I save Mabel from this fate? She doesn't really deserve death by wanting to live! She's never experienced the pain I did, she wouldn't understand. I know that if she knew, she would never cause anyone that grief! She said she would like me as a friend, but never had the chance to be; she said she had no choice but to do that. She's probably been a bit brainwashed by all this Pureblood trash, though she claims she's a 'blood traitor'. How on earth am I going to be able undo this stupid vow?!

I vaguely realize I was sitting on cool, soft, smooth sheets and mattress, a gentle hand rubbing my shoulder-blade softly. "Lily? Lily darling?" I hear a voice murmuring in the distance, and I make a half-hearted attempt to listen. "Lily, are you there? Merlin, you're white as a ghost… Remus, her face is such a frightening pallor… Conjure up some water for me, Remus, please…" I feel something cold and hard press against my lips, and I obediently take a sip. I absentmindedly gulp as I try to think – my thoughts are all fleeting and cut off, it's so frustrating.

I only come to my senses when I've drained my cup. I glance up and realize I'm sitting on James' bed. Remus and James are nearby, Remus sitting on the bed and James is pacing around.

And all of a sudden it all really comes crashing onto me. I will be responsible for Mabel's death. I was the one who snared James. I will be responsible for Mabel's death. I will be responsible for Mabel's death. I will be…

"I will be responsible for Mabel's death!" I attempt to scream in my horror, but it comes out a broken, racked hoarse whisper as I cover my face in my hands. When I take a deep breath and glance up, I see two puzzled expressions. "Come on!" I yell, frustrated at their ignorance. "The Unbreakable Vow? If it's broken, the person who vowed will die! Don't you freaking understand?! I basically took James, so Mabel can't marry him, and Mabel will die before she made that bloody Vow! Don't you see? I'm so selfish I have to take James, and Mabel will die, and it's completely not her fault! It's all my fault! I have the responsibility of it! I will be responsible for her death! I-"

I am silenced by a soft but firm kiss.

In my rant, I didn't even notice James had knelt in front of me and took my face in his hands. When we break apart, he looks me in the face. My wild eyes had somewhat calmed, but I was still swallowing crazily, trying to absorb the information, before his voice, this time, cut me off, just as firm yet soft as the kiss. "It's not your fault, Lily," he whispers. "We can't help who we fall in love in. I couldn't." I just took one big breath and closed my eyes, breathing deep for a moment.

"I want to break that Vow's curse," I say steadily, my eyes still squeezed shut. I raise my voice a little, in case there are any protestations I need to drown out to get my point across. "She doesn't deserve to die. She was just trying to preserve what was rightfully hers: her life, the only way she could. She's been brainwashed, James! And she doesn't even believe in Pureblood prejudice!"

"I understand," James says calmly, and my eyes widen a little. "Does Dumbledore know?"

"You don't have to worry, Lily," Remus says, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Professor Dumbledore knows. He sent some owls to Boot's parents, asking them to undo the Vow by retracting their word on it, and some other tricky magic I don't know about. Boot's safe enough. What I think you should be worrying about, Lily, is Colette."

My spirits dampen, whatever rising of my heart at Mabel's guaranteed safety decreasing rapidly as I encountered this new problem. Damn. I still don't understand why Colette is mad at me. What does she want from me? I have to try to talk to her. Even with James, it feels empty without her, and Sirius is getting moodier and moodier – Colette avoids everyone now.

I take a deep breath and nod. "Yep," I sigh. "I-I think I should go now… Yeah, I'll go talk to her now. D'you know where she is?"

"I saw her in the Common Room just now," Remus offers, and I nod and stand up in slightly unsteady movements, and James sweeps and arm around me. I smile and pray for success as I well up in whatever Gryffindor courage I possess, comforted by the thought of Colette as my friend once more.

I take a couple of deep breaths and steady myself before leaving the room, James and Remus in my wake. From the landing, I glance around, but don't see Colette, so I skip down the stairs two at a time, glancing around, before I finally realizing Colette was slouched in an armchair facing away from me, her peak of her orange head glinting just above the top of the armchair, the only thing I can see.

Somehow at the sight of her miserable, tiny form squashed up in the chair, dull eyes watching the fire, my courage dissipates a little, so I half-run forwards, trying to get this started before I lose my nerve.

"Hey, Colette-" I start, but Colette's already out of the armchair, running. "What-hey-wait!" I call, frantically chasing her, managing to grab her wrist at the entrance. "Colette, please-"

I never got to finish my sentence as it dies on my lips. Long red lines are etched into the forearm I am holding. Colette just rips her hand away from me and with one look, one withering look, one angry look, one torn look, she turns and leaves me. Just as she passes out of the portrait, I hear her broken whisper, "Leave me alone."

**Colette's POV:**

I can't do it. She hates me so bad, doesn't she? Chasing me around, trying to find her chance to be mad at me, to hate me, like I did to her? And I can't even find the courage to apologize. I'm such a coward.

I just run and run, wherever my legs take me. I run outdoors. Beautiful. A sky of dusky gold, clouds of white gold, a sun of dark gold, contradicting the silver-grey of my mood. I find myself sitting on the highest step of the Quidditch stand, huddled in a corner. I blink, and a cold, lone tear slips down my cheekbone, and into my mouth. It tastes salty.

And for a while I cry. I've lost everything – friends, courage, happiness, all of it my fault.

I just bury my face in my hands and sob for all I'm worth. It seems so sunny, so bright, so happy, but all I can sense is how dry it is, how quiet, how lifeless it all seems. I feel so lost. There's nothing. So I just cry and cry and I can't seem to stop, I can't seem to stop the funny noises erupting in the back of my throat, and it's getting hard to breathe.

"Hey," a soft voice says. I look up, wiping my tears away as I struggle to breathe properly.

I scowl. I recognize the girls in front of me: the Slytherin clique: Melanie Malfoy, the leader; Jennifer and Peggy Parkinson; Clara Greengrass, who went to the Halloween Ball with Severus; Bellatrix Black, Sirius and Andromeda's cousin; Renee Flint, Mark Flint's younger sister. "And what do you want?" I spit at Flint, the girl nearest to me that had first spoken.

For a second, hurt and anger crosses her face, the it's replaced by friendly confusion. "I didn't mean to make you upset… Colette. May I call you that? You just looked so upset, I thought I'd check if you're alright…"

"I…" I look at her carefully, scrutinizing her suspiciously. Slytherins are especially cunning. But somehow it just seems to genuine care. "I… I'm fine. Sorry I yelled at you… I didn't mean to… Renee." Renee holds out her hand in a friendly manner.

"Why don't you join us a bit?" Seeing my suspicious expression, she smiles gently and adds, "It's okay if you don't want to. We just wanted to help you. We've been watching you for a little, but not in a creepy way. Most people think we're nasty, heartless bitches, but we don't like seeing unhappy people, really. We just noticed you were so upset. We don't think you deserve this. Evans should realize it was all a mistake. But no. She's just a shallow bitch. She won't even give you some time to gather your courage and apologize. You're a thousand times better than her. At least you were willing to accept your mistake and want to apologize. She on the other hand just wants to hate you. Look: she won't even give you the time to try to say sorry. She just tried to embarrass you in front of the people in your Common Room! We could hear it from all the way outside. She's trying to make you feel terrible about yourself for mistaking her. We think what you did was reasonable – we'd have done much worse if one of us backstabbed their boyfriend, contrary to popular belief."

There was a pause as I mull over their words. I look Renee in the eye. "What do you want from me?" I ask warily. She smiles innocently.

"Oh, please, Colette," she laughs. "We don't want to hurt you! Don't be so wary of us. We just want to help you. We want to be your friend, see? We're asking you to forget about them, forget it all. Evans will soon realize that she should forgive you. But she won't deserve your forgiveness. We can help you. We just want to be your friend, Colette."

"Lily and the rest are my friends!" I say indignantly, standing up. "If you're implying that Lily deserves revenge, then get the hell out of here!"

"They aren't your friends anymore, Colette," Renee interrupts calmly. "They've thrown you out. They won't let you back in. You're better than all of them. They don't deserve you; they don't understand you. We understand. We see how much you've been suffering for a mistake that's understandable. You'd have forgiven Lily if you had been framed, right? But did she?"

I frown, looking down. She's right. Lily's not my friend anymore… right? She won't even let me apologize. She won't forgive me. She tried to yell at me like when I mistook her. She hates me. She's shallow and mean. Right?

I look up at the Slytherin clique.

Renee looks at me with a hint of a smile. "We just want to give Evans what she deserves. She doesn't deserve you. After all the things you've done for her, she won't even forgive you for a mistake. Are you with us?" She holds out her hand.

I hesitate.

Then I take her hand.

**James POV:**

I look down at Lily crying in my arms, and my anger flares. That horrible bitch Prewett! Why can't she just bloody apologize for her own mistake?! Now look at what she's done to my poor, poor Lily!

"It's alright, Lily, shh," I whisper as I stroke her silky red hair gently. "Shh, Lily darling, shh." She just continues to weep and cry, clinging to me. "Why?" she cries, her voice muffled by my shirt. "Why won't she talk to me? What did I do? Why is she so mad at me? What did I do? Oh, James, what did I do?"

I growl a little. "You did nothing, Lily. It's not your fault. It's that Prewett. I'm going to go deal with her!" Lily grabs my arm when I stand up. "No, James, stop! Don't! Please! Stop! Don't!" she begs me, even as she cries for the person she protects.

"No one hurts you and gets away with it! Not on my watch!" I half-yell in my rage as I wrench my arm out from Lily's grasp, but then she grabs my face in her little hands.

"Please, James," she begs. "Give her some time." I look at her.

"No," I reply. "You've given her enough time. She won't even apologize." And I leave.


	24. Chapter 24

**Here goes.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

Chapter 24

I don't even bother going to the Prefect's Bathroom. I just use the girls' dormitory one. The hot water, steaming off my back, provides little comfort as I silently cry.

This is such a horrible, horrible year. And I thought an annoying Potter and a mean Petunia was bad. That must have been heaven compared to now. I nearly drowned, got cursed, got framed, and got OWLS. Not to mention losing Colette. It's been such a rough year…

I look up at the pale tiles that tessellate over the wall, the squares rippling over under the hand I press there as soapy water streams down onto the floor, pooling around my feet.

Oh, please, Colette, tell me it was all a joke, I beg her in my head, squeezing my eyes shut as I hug myself. Betrayal.

I never thought she'd betray me.

_"Stop, James, no!" I yell as I run after him. Then, suddenly, he stops in his tracks and I nearly run into his back. "What-no."_

_My eyes widen. Colette was standing before me, a malicious smirk that the sweet, tough girl I knew would never sport spread across her lips, leaning against a wall, arms crossed, surrounded by the infamous Slytherin girl clique, looking completely at home._

_"Oh, hello, Evans," she smiles lazily._

_"C-Colette? What-what are you doing? Why are you with them?" I stutter._

_"Why am I with them? You got a problem with it, bitch?" she sneers. "It's my life. I'm not going to let you boss me around anymore. You're just a selfish wench, aren't you? Well, I'm tired of you. I hate you, Evans. I don't belong in Gryffindor. It's Slytherin who welcomed me, comforted me. They understand me. All you do is cry and hate. Leave me alone. Go tell your friends I'm not with them anymore; I have real friends now. I'm appreciated and listened to hear, with reasonable people that understand. Get lost, Mudblood. I'm tired of humouring you and being nice. I want to be me, I want time to do what I need to. You and your whiny little revenge and all the attention you get. You're a shallow, manipulative Mudblood bitch, aren't you? You couldn't even give me the time I needed! Go away. This is where I belong. These are people who understand me. You let me believe I was a monster. You wanted to hate me. You couldn't even give me time to apologize. Look! Look what you made me do! Look! This is what you made me do!"_

_Tears prickle in my eyes as her mocking disdain melts to rage as she waves her arm in front of me, creamy skin marred by long scars. "Colette… Colette, it's all a misunderstanding… I don't want to hate you. I… I didn't know… I thought… I just wanted to know… I thought you were mad at me. I just wanted to know why. I wanted to be your friend, Colette… We want you back. You're our friend."_

_For a moment, realization flashes across Colette's face. Suspicion of the clique dawned on her face, but then the bitch Flint, Renee Flint, cuts out nastily, "Don't believe the bitch, Colette. That's a lie; she's just scared she'll lose her popularity and people won't like her anymore. She's a lying cunt. You hate her for everything she's done. She's a shallow, selfish person." Colette's eyes harden._

_"Thanks, Renee," she says before turning on me. "Good job almost tricking me, Evans," she sneers. "Stop trying. Leave." She turns sharply and leaves with her 'friends'. James catches me before I call to the ground._

My mouth twists as I drag shampoo-coated fingers through my hair as I stare ahead blankly. None of James words can comfort me; none of Rosalie's sympathy can help me; none of Sirius' empathy makes me feel any better.

My train of thought – or lack of thought – was broken with a couple of knocks. "Lils?" I hear Rosalie say. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain for a moment – Colette was the first one who had ever called me Lils. "Yes?" I call out weakly.

"Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Rosalie says, and I hear footsteps retreating. I smile slightly. At least I still have Rosalie, and James, and the rest. I press my lips together for a moment, lingering in the steamy heat of the bath.

I get out of the shower after rinsing off and wrap a towel around myself before stumbling out of the square of tiles and pushing the curtains aside. I start combing my hair for a while, trying to think, but too soon I find my hand staying as I continue pondering.

So I just sit on the floor for a little while, wrapping a second towel around my shoulders like a cloak, my hair sprayed over it to dry the natural way as I think this all over.

I began crying again, and I feel so goddamn pathetic. I can't stop crying over someone who betrayed me. I thought she was my friend, my friend for five years. And I lost her to Slytherins, just like Sev.

"Lily? Lily, are you okay?" I hear a soft voice call, with gentle tapping. James. My heart lifts a little at his voice, but when I try to reply, my voice is choked with tears. "Lily? Lily?! Are you alright in there? Lily darling? Lily!" I'm breaking down in loud sobs already. I can't understand why I'm suddenly so emotional this year. I barely cried last year, and now I'm crying all the time. And what's to blame? Me, Colette, stupid teenage hormones? I continue weeping, trying to stop, to breathe, to reply. "Lily!" his calls are more urgent now. "Lily-Lily, I'm coming in!"

I don't lock the door anymore, just in case my scar acts up and Rosalie needs to come in and help me. He barges right in, so thankfully I'm in a towel.

I don't even think of the compromising position we're in as he pulls me into his lap and nuzzles my hair. "You know, when I dreamt about being your boyfriend, you tended to be happy," he whispers huskily into my ear, and I manage a soft laugh as I stifle sobs. "It's alright, Lily darling," he croons, and I notice when he says 'Lily darling', it sounds like one word, just 'lilydarling'.

"Lily, sweetheart, please don't cry. Everything will be alright, I promise. Colette will come around. You and she both were-"

"Are," I correct him, and he nods and continues.

"-are such good friends. This little misunderstanding will never tear you apart. Those stupid Slytherin girls will never go near her again. Colette's a smart girl, she'll know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose… Don't cry, Lily…" On normal circumstances, I'd have hated being babied, but for some reason it just feels so nice being comforted like a child by James. He always makes me feel better.

"You're right," I sniff after a moment, hugging him tightly. "I shouldn't be such a-such a cry-baby… I should get up, and-and compose myself, and start studying for my OWLs… It's in May, or something… right, James? I should… I should… Oh, James, thank you for being here for me…." I mumble, burying my face in his chest. Laughter rumbles in his chest, vibrating against me, and I see he's laughing, holding me close. Just laughing, and I don't know why.

Then I begin an awkward chuckle, and mumble, "Maybe I should put on something…" Even James blushes when he remembers I'm wrapped in nothing but a towel, and makes a hasty retreat out of the bathroom, mumbling something about looking for a book. I smile as I pull on my T-Shirt; James will never stop being cute.

My eyes pop when I remember the OWLs are so near and I haven't even picked up any of my textbooks! And these exams are so freaking important! Professor McGonagall said that as my Head of House she'd have a career talk with each of us in private! When's my appointment? I haven't even made myself a schedule! I begin to hyperventilate as I basically run out of the bathroom and begin searching my trunk frantically. Scarlet curls around my legs and mewls, and I give her a quick pat before continuing to prepare.

James came in about ten minutes later to find me hysterically organizing my books and drawing up a timetable for myself.

"Woah, Lily, what's the rush?" he asks in alarm as I begin super-speed sorting my books.

I look at him incredulously. "James!" I begin berating while sorting out my sparse History notes – Professor Binns is so boring, it's a miracle I managed to take down any notes at all – and stashing them in a corner before picking up a much heftier sheaf of Charms notes. "The exams, James! They're so near and I haven't revised at all. At all, James, save me!"

"Oh sweetheart," he says, pulling me to his side as I flip over a couple of sheets of parchment nicked with a Muggle stapler. "Loosen up. You'll be fine. I've never known anyone so smart as you. Hey, how about I take you on a real date? I promise you won't regret it," he croons.

I blush lightly. "James! That's really sweet, but the exams, I have to study-"

"The studying can wait, Lily," he whispers, dangerously close as he hovers half an inch above me, and I can see every dark lash lowered over his delectable bright orbs as he smirks, his lips barely touching mine, a feather-light flit, teasing me, seeing how long I could bear it. I look him straight in the eye and kiss him, quick and light, my eyes falling, but he grabs my chin gently, lifting it so my eyes meet his. His forefinger tilts my chin, his thumb on my lips as he smiles at me softly. "Please?"

"Okay," I murmur, glancing down. Then I look up as a new idea hits me. "Great! We can have a study-date!"

It seems like a good idea. I just didn't understand why he facepalmed.

…

"James?" I call, searching for a reassuring hand. His hand, warm and comforting, fits into mine as he laughs. "Can't I take off this blindfold yet?" I grumble as he leads me on.

"No," he says, a hint of amusement in his voice as he suddenly draws me close. "Okay, I'm going to Apparate now." My breath is torn from my lips as we suddenly spin gracefully in a circle. It takes me a moment to gasp for air as James leads me off. The chill of early spring in Hogwarts is replaced by a warm breeze. "J… James, where are you?" I ask unsteadily as I totter along, and James wraps a protective arm around me. "You'll see soon enough, darling, we're almost there."

I'm engulfed in artificial coolness as I step through what seems like a doorway. "Okay, Lily, I am going to take off your blindfold now." I nod as I feel his nimble fingers, strong but swift, undo the elaborate knot at the base of my head. He grumbles something about dead knots before the black fabric falls away, and my jaw drops.

Now I understand why Rosalie insisted on the sequined white halter and crystal-studded heels. I inwardly smirk. Potters are such high-class arrogant enthusiasts it's adorable. It's a huge dining restaurant, gold tiled floors and red-shaded chandeliers that glow softly.

"Reservations for two under James Potter," James says quietly to well-dressed waiter who immediately responds with a 'Yes of course' and leads us to a beautiful secluded table against a glass wall. Scores of rich men, dolled-up women, spoilt children occupy the dozens of tables that scatter the place, but their voices seemed muffled, and it seemed peacefully quiet.

James chivalrously pulls out my chair, and the waiter lays my napkin on my lap and places a menu on my lap. I do my best to hide my surprise at the variety, because there's so much I've been dying to try all my life. Japanese food: sushi looks heavenly; French food: I heard they serve bouillabaisse in Beauxbatons; Italian food: I've never seen lasagne before.

You may guess that though my parents never had a problem with candy, they never really were very bothered about what we ate. I mean, sure, Mum was a cook, her cooking is great, but I never really got to try very much other than what we normally ate.

James smirks at my eager perusal of the menu, and I blush. "Don't stuff yourself, darling, we still have dessert to go after this." I smile and blush darker, my eyes falling on the pure white lilies elegantly set in a crystal vase in the centre of the table.

Lunch was wonderful, dessert was better: I love gelato. I ordered a huge ice-cream with all sorts of toppings, and it was so big I shared it with James and we couldn't finish it. We had such a good laugh.

When we finish, James takes my hand and walks me outside. I expect the lush, exotic green paradise that had glittered outside the glass window, but instead I'm met with gold and cerulean blue-green. Barely a two minute walk away from me is a magnificent stretch of bright gold, and a calm sea, its waves rising and falling, a dazzling blue-green-silver, frothed with foam, crashing onto the smooth beach. Outside is pleasantly warm, almost suffocating but somehow pleasant.

"Here, let me help you," James says, lifting his wand, from where he stowed it in his back-pocket, and he transforms my white dress and heels into a light summer dress, buttercup yellow, floating to my knees, off-shoulder, and strappy sandals. His formal suit had already turned into casual jeans and a crisp dark-blue shirt, the top few buttons undone, displaying what was underneath perfectly. He quirks me a smile, and it's all I can do not to strangle him in a hug, because I'm just feeling so insanely happy. It must be the overload of good-quality chocolate and ice-cream. It feels perfectly timeless as we stroll down the beach, though it's far from deserted. Screams and squeals and laughter ring in the air, and before I know it I'm playing tag like a little girl with James, running across the warm sand barefoot, shoes forgotten and abandoned, me laughing my head off, James chuckling as he races after me. His legs, way longer than mine, give him an unfair advantage as he gains in on me quickly. I turn to see that he's barely a couple of metres away, and I scream playfully and run faster, before he jumps on my and tackles me to the ground, and for a while it's all just a mess of sand and hair and laughter. Then a pair of love-bird teenagers run straight into us, knocking me head-first into the sea. When I emerge, I'm completely drenched. My hair has come out of its messy bun, and damp limp curls slap against my face as I pull myself out of the warm sea water, wiping my eyes and spitting out the salty water. I blush darkly when James' eyes rake my body, and I realize that the water's made my dress cling to my curves heavily, almost a luminous translucency that stretches over me. "My face is up here, James," I smile, waving at him as his eyes snap up to my wet face in embarrassment, and I don't give him a split-second warning before I grab him and dunk him in the water as well. He resurfaces, spluttering. "Hey!" he whines. "Why did you do that? Why are you laughing at me?"

"You laughed at me!" I tease, giggling hysterically.

"Oh, you little temptress," he smirks, a devilish glint in his eyes, standing up, and I shriek and flee.

We end up on the beach sand, his chest against my back, his arms around me protectively. How original. We're both wet and sandy and dirty and completely, insanely, unreasonably, terribly, perfectly happy as we watch the sunset sail past, sinking into the horizon with the sun. When the glow of the sun falls below the sea line, and all I see are veils of translucent clouds, tainted a rainbow of warm tones, fluttering around slowly, I sigh and close my eyes. I have never felt so… peaceful, so happy, so complete before.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For… for everything. Thank you."


	25. Chapter 25

**I'm glad you liked that chapter! :) And by the way, I'm a girl.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 25

"Lily-! Lily-! Wake up!" I hear a familiar, high voice calling through the veil of sleep. I moan and turn over, slapping a squishy pillow over my head. "Lily, you've missed half of Charms!"

"What!?" I half-yell, jerking upright. "I-I've missed half of Charms? Oh my God, what will Professor Flitwick say? Oh no, no, no, no, no, Rosalie, where are my textbooks? Oh no, I'm in such trouble, Mum won't let me hear the end of it! Why didn't you wake me earlier?!" I jump out of bed and begin rummaging my trunk frantically. How could I have overslept?

"I was kidding," Rosalie said matter-of-factly, though she was suppressing a laugh as I shoot her an angry pout. "Hey, think about it, at least you aren't really late for Charms." I roll my eyes. "So. Details, honey, and make them rich! There's no decent boy out there I haven't dated yet that aren't from Slytherin, so I'm currently living though you. Details!"

"I…" My face burns magenta when I suddenly remember my dream. Except it wasn't my dream; it had actually happened! Rosalie presses me excitedly, and I reluctantly though yet somehow dreamily retell my second date with James Potter.

We had had dinner at a fancy restaurant, and way too much dessert. Then we had gone to the beach and played like children, playing tag, building sandcastles, splashing water, till the sunset. After that, James took me to watch fireworks, and I had fallen asleep on his shoulder as we lay on the grass watching the glittering lights explode in the dark sky. I vaguely remember being Apparated back into the dormitory, taking a quick shower and kissing James goodnight. My hair still smells of salt, mingling with the herby lemongrass, not unpleasantly.

"And it was… wonderful," I breathe, closing my eyes, wishing I was back there, the creamy gold and violet sunset, the warm playful sea, the explosions of white-gold stars and green sparks, James' warmth…

"That is so romantic, Lily," Rosalie sighs longingly. "Why do you always get the sweet guys?" I just smile. "You're so damn lucky." I laugh and lie back on my bed, stretching like a cat as Scarlet scrambles over me, and I cuddle her tight. "Oh, Scarlet, did you miss me?" She made a noise and struggles, so I let her down, and she begins scrambling around excitedly. "Oh, James…"

"Okay, time to get dressed, fairytale princess," Rosalie says, rolling her eyes. "Your Prince Charming will be waiting… It's ten to eight."

I smile widely, insanely happy for absolutely no reason and yet every reason possible as I waltz out of bed and basically skip to the bathroom.

…

"James!" I practically sing. "Good morning!"

James turns, his beautiful face lit up with a gorgeous smile. "It was a good morning till you got here. Then it became the best morning ever!" I half-scream half-squeal when he pulls me into his lap. Remus looks up from his book long enough to wave at me, and Sirius smiles at me, less moody since it's such a bright, cheerful morning, and Peter sends me a timid smile.

I kiss James' cheek and fill the saucer that's always next to my plate for Scarlet, placing the milk on the floor, before helping myself to some toast. I'm just finishing when a seventh-year Ravenclaw walks up to me and says pompously, "Lily Evans? Professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office now. He wants me to give you this piece of paper." I take it, paling a little. "Why?" I ask. "Am I in trouble?"

The Ravenclaw shrugs. "I don't know. I don't think so." I thank her and tell James where I'm going, telling him to save me a seat in Potions if I'm late. I quickly run up to his office. The last time I've been here was when Mabel was found out. I stand in front of the gargoyles. They don't open for me like they did the previous time. Is there a password? Then I remember the slip of parchment the Ravenclaw had given me. I unroll it. "I like Cockroach Cluster? Not really?" I quote incredulously. My head jerks up in shock when the gargoyles spring to life and leap aside, revealing the entrance, and I go up the swirly thing.

Taking a deep breath, I knock, or at least make a move to, because a second before my knuckles crack across the smooth wood, I hear Professor Dumbledore's voice. "Come in." I open the door and walk in, smiling nervously. Professor Dumbledore smiles at me and gestures for me to rake a seat.

"No need to worry, Miss Evans, you are not in trouble," he smiles, sifting through a pile of parchment as I discretely sigh in relief.

"Now, Miss Evans, I have a project for you," he begins, looking at me, and I gulp. "I know you have your OWLs, so I have pushed back the original date of what I had been planning. I thought that perhaps this year, Hogwarts could have a little something new, so I thought of starting up a play or a musical of some sort with students as the cast."

"Oh," I smile brightly at that thought. Dad used to bring me to musicals when I was younger. "That's a great idea, Professor. I guess we can do it after the OWLs, we have some time then… What shall we do, a musical or a play, sir?"

"I was thinking a play, actually," Professor Dumbledore muses.

"Oh, okay," I reply, pondering. "What play do you have in mind, Professor? We could have done the Phantom of the Opera, or the Sound of Music, but those are musicals. But then there are the plays, we can do the norm, like Shakespeare. The most popular one is probably Romeo and Juliet, but there's the Midsummer's Night Dream-"

"Actually," Professor Dumbledore interrupts my rant. "Actually, Miss Evans, I was thinking you could come up with it. I called you here because, truthfully, you have a vivid imagination, and I was hoping you could come up with a play yourself."

There was a silence… "I... Professor… I'm honoured, but I don't really think I can come up with a play, sir, I-"

"I have my full trust with you, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore says firmly. "I will assign you assistants, but you will be in-charge. Remus Lupin, I think, he is your Gryffindor Prefect, is he not? And I think also the Prefects from the other Houses… I am sorry if I this does not suit you, but I was hoping you could do this old man a favour…"

"It's no problem, Professor… I was just a little stunned. I would love to come up with a play for you. I just don't think I'm good enough, and I may not serve high enough quality due to my OWLs as my main attention sapper, sir," I answer truthfully.

"I trust you fully, Miss Evans. Do not doubt your abilities. I have faith in you," Professor Dumbledore smiles. "Thank you. You need not think about it till the end of your OWLs, for as you may have been informed if you checked the notice-board, the timetable for your exams are scheduled a little early due to some mishaps in the Ministry. You have plenty of time. Thank you, once again. Here is a list of instructions I have pre-made. I knew you would help me." I take the papers he gives me, taking a quick glance at the first page.

"You are dismissed, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore says. I turn to leave, bidding him farewell, but then he calls, "Wait." I twist my head. "Let your imagination run wild, Miss Evans." I smile as I walk out of the office, though my mind is completely blank.

What have I gotten myself into now?

…

"Hey, Remus," I call, "Professor Dumbledore wants to show you something." I wave around the bundle of paper I use magic to photocopy. He puts down his book reluctantly and walks over. "Professor Dumbledore said that Hogwarts would be putting up a play this year after the OWLs, because they finish a bit earlier. He said that the cast would be students, and that he wanted me to come up with the play, so I desperately need your help, because he said I can also get assistance from other Prefects. I mean, hey, I'm fifteen, how do I come up with a play worthy of Hogwarts?! I don't even know what to write about! I have no muse, no imagination, no creativity, no nothing!"

I rant as he quickly scans the few pages. "Actually, I think this will be quite fun."

"It will? Great, you can come up with the storyline," I say hopefully.

"No, that's your job. I'll just help you along," he says, slightly amused. "He didn't say what genre or anything it had to be, so it's easier to come up with a story, seeing we can range from anywhere. So I was thinking, you know you're friend, Colette?" My insides twinge, and I feel almost annoyed. I had just forgotten about that, and he had to bring it up.

"Yes?" I mumble, trying not to think about it.

"Well, you know there's a great big misunderstanding, blah blah blah, maybe you could portray the real story through the play? She might understand then. It would be a bit like… Hamlet, is it?" His last few words got lost as I begin mulling over what he said about Colette. Of course. Yes. How could I not have thought of that? Through the play, I could show her everything! I could make her see how false the Slytherins are, I could make her see that I still care. I could solve everything! It may be a month or so later, but it's better late than never! I could do this! I could!

"You are a freaking genius, Remus!" I scream, nearly strangling a surprised Remus Lupin in an ecstatic hug.

…

I basically skip to Potions, keeping an eye out for James along the way.

"James!" I sing, sliding into the empty chair next to him. "Hi! I want to tell you something." I send a smile to Sirius. He'll probably be happier than even me when Colette comes around.

He sends me back a weird look and looks forlornly at Colette who sits in a corner, scrutinizing her nails. I frown at the sight of her. She looks just like a slut, like the most of the other girls from Slytherin, with bright-red lipstick and nails, etc. This just hardens my will to get her back. Even playboy Sirius doesn't look too pleased the way she's changed. James raises an eyebrow at me but Professor Slughorn chooses this moment to make an appearance, so I hold my tongue till he's issued me instructions, and I begin flipping through my textbook, looking for the right page.

"You wanted to tell me something, love?" James asks, perusing his own book.

"Oh, I got a project from Professor Dumbledore. He wants me to create a play for the students of Hogwarts to act out after the OWLs. Remus gave me the idea of sort of using the play to explain to Colette what's really happening. Do you think it's a good idea?"

James pauses a moment, thinking, before turning and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I think it's a great idea, Lily darling. But you don't know if Colette's bitchy 'friends' are just going to, you know, think it's just some attempt from you to try and make your reputation better or whatever sick rubbish they've come up with."

"Yeah…" I frown. "I didn't think of that." Then I shrug. "It's worth a try. But thanks for pointing it out." I begin finely chopping up a long carrot-like thing, and there's a short stretch of silence, and I hear the smirk in his voice.

"So did you enjoy yesterday?"

"I think we should do it more often."


	26. Chapter 26

**OK, a guest reviewer pointed out James' eyes are hazel. Sorry, I forgot! Can we just pretend his eyes are brown? Also, I'm getting kind of busy. Updates will slow from today. Sorry. :(**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 26

"Oh," I look up from my porridge as a dark shadow falls over and a bundle of dark-grey feathers plop right in front of me. "Hello. Do you have something for me?" I stretch out my hands to untie the package on its leg. Removing the package from the unfamiliar grey owl, I unwrap the brown paper. I'm surprised to see a couple of magic magazines I'd never seen before. It was like some kind of school magazine for the different schools. One had the date a year ago in September, and the other was this year, this month.

Picking up the one with the later date, I flip to the contents page. I see a long, alphabetical list of magic schools, and I locate Hogwarts on page 2304. I guess the thin, flimsy magazine had a charm on it to make it look slimmer. Anyway, I then turn to that page. My eyebrows rocket upwards. There are normal things listed, like the subjects, teachers and students' names, but then there were weirder things, like a bio of each student and blah, and some page labelled Slug-Club, which I was in, since – not to boast – I was one of Professor Slughorn's favourite students, and other things like that. I find my name on the index.

Next to a passage is a picture of me that I don't recall anyone ever taking, at the Hogwarts Express, chatting with Severus. It was my fourth year. I glance at the long passage.

_Lily Evans, aged fourteen, is this month starting her fourth year in Hogwarts, run by Professor A. Dumbledore, in the Gryffindor House. Popular with her very own clique, beautiful with red hair and green eyes, genius with high marks in her everyday work and exams, vivacious with her feisty nature and hot temper, Lily Evans returns to school. Known as a school beauty and model student, Evans is humble about her looks and books, unknowingly attracting many admirers._

_Her birthday is 21__st__ January, celebrated by her Muggle parents, Don and Candy Evans, with a bunch of her friends from Hogwarts, Severus Snape and Andromeda Black of Slytherin, her age, Colette Prewett and Rosalie Brown of Gryffindor, same age, Marietta Clearwater of Ravenclaw, her age and Lucy Abbott of Hufflepuff, her age._

_For more information about Lily Evans' lifestyle in Hogwarts, you can visit page 2456 for the clubs she joins, page 2599 for her fashion and page 2879 for her old exam scores._

I just stare at the page, bemused. What the… I didn't even recall… Okay, who wrote this? I hunt along the column, and written at the bottom in curly letters is _Rita Skeeter_. She's some annoying journalist or something, just at the start of her career, in her twenties. I roll my eyes and pore over to page 2456. Under my name is _Slug-Club_, and _she turned down requests for all other clubs_. 2599 states I am a trend-setter for some Hogwarts groups. Well, that's news to me. I never even noticed they wear similar things. I guess that's because I never really pay attention to people's clothes, unless they are completely wacky like – forgive me – Xenophilius Lovegood, or whatever his name is. Under page 2879 is a list of numbers ever since I was first year. My face sort of colours when I realize all sorts of people can just find out what I got for my exams. What if I failed one? That would be so embarrassing!

I then put the magazine down. Why would someone send me these?

I glance at the second magazine, and consider not picking it up, but then something catches my eye. It's me, my face, squashed up in a corner on the front page. It's a very life-like portrait of me, looking like a complete flirt. What the… In white and neon-orange letters are the words _Lily Evans:_ _Is our innocent sweet little white flower not so white? _My eyes pop, locating the page it is. It's a page under the category _Hottest News_. Hottest news? Really? I mean, it's hot news to me, what if they found out about my curse? I'd end up like Remus! But to the rest of the world, what's so interesting about an ordinary school girl like me?

_LILY EVANS: IS OUR INNOCENT SWEET LITTLE WHITE FLOWER NOT SO WHITE?_

_Lily Evans, fifteen of Gryffindor House, Hogwarts (see page 2341), humble and unknowing beauty of feistiness and brains, is often known as the model student many would die to be. But is she truly as desirable as she really seems?_

_"Lily Evans," claims Clara Greengrass, a vivacious Slytherin fourth-year, "is nothing short of an attention-seeking bint. She isn't really all that great. Boys fall over her because she's got a pretty face, and Professors love her because she's kind of brainy. In fact, I bet she gave Potter a love potion, I'm sure she could whip one up. She's nothing special, really. I mean, look at what she did to Snape? The moment he stopped paying so much attention to her, she 'ditched' him really publicly, and made a big show when she finally started going out with Potter. Then, when there was some big drama hullabaloo where she got framed cheating on Potter – I bet she wasn't really framed, I'd bet anyone ten Galleons that she paid Boot to pretend she framed her – and Colette here who was her friend till a couple of days ago had a misunderstanding – which is completely understandable – and just wanted some time to get over the shock before apologizing. But Evans just brushed her off and tried to, like, disgrace her in public! She's just seeking attention. She's not that pretty, or smart, and nice at all."_

_"Yes," agrees Colette Prewett, witty and bright redheaded fifth-year Gryffindor, former friend of Lily Evans, the girl who had misunderstood her. "Evans… I thought I knew her. I guess it was all just a play. I mean, I guess she was a good actress, and a great 'friend', at that time, but I'm glad I see the truth now. I can't believe I was so blind. But this is all thanks to my true friends, Melanie, Clara, Jennifer and Peggy, Bellatrix and my personal favourite friend, Renee, though I do disagree about the fact that she wasn't really framed."_

_(Find Clara Greengrass at page 2352, Melanie Malfoy at page 2366, Jennifer and Peggy Parkinson on page 2381 and 2382, Bellatrix Black on page 2309 and Renee Flint 2347. Find Severus Snape on page 2398)_

_However, there are some students who oppose to this idea._

_"Lily Evans is a good person!" Mabel Boot, a confident, vivacious and hot-tempered yet sweet Ravenclaw fifth-year half-yells in indignation at the very thought of Lily Evans as a manipulative attention-seeker. "I swear, I'll bet that cow Greengrass thirty Galleons Lily is innocent! I'll tell you who's manipulative attention-seekers! It's them Slytherin bitches! Please excuse my language, Rita dear, but I must express how strongly I feel against this! I know, I know Lily is not like this! I did frame her, I truly did, and I have my own reasons which I will willingly give up to prove that Lily is innocent! I have watched Lily for a long time, and though I may not have been a very nice classmate, I have 'known' her, and she's the sweetest, most friendly person I've ever had the pleasure of seeing! Colette Prewett, she's been tricked by the Slytherins! Come back, Colette. Lily needs you!"_

_Others also strongly oppose this idea, but there are also those who agree with Ms Greengrass and co. Did Evans really bribe Boot to frame her? Did she slip James Potter, fifth-year pureblood Gryffindor wizard heartthrob, a love potion? Is she doing all this for attention? Is she innocent, or does this flower have poisonous thorns?_

_So we are struck with the dilemma of the girl who is probably unaware about this argument: _Is Lily Evans an innocent pretty doll, or is she a nasty cunning vixen?

_(For more information on Lily Evans' framing with Mabel Boot, search up page 901)_

It takes a couple of minutes for this to sink in. WHAT. THE. HELL. What the hell?! Who is this stupid author?! What kind of trash is this?! Where did all this junk come from? Oh, Rita Skeeter, I just might hunt you down like an animal and kill you!

I take a deep breath to calm myself so that I can think this through logically. I feel grateful towards Mabel, I'm glad she's standing up for me. I think she warmed up to Rita for me, this sort of writer always likes sucking-up. I mean, 'Rita dear'? I guess they don't put her in Ravenclaw for nothing. I just feel so thankful. Other people… I hope people are with me. I mean, I know I'm not that nice, or pretty, or smart, but why would people hate me? I've never really hated anyone! Except James, but that's over, I love him now, so that doesn't count.

Clara Greengrass. She went to the Halloween Ball with Severus. Little bitch – I've never even talked to her before! But Colette… It's nice to know she doesn't believe I bribed Mabel, but… I feel so upset about it. I feel stinging in my eyes, so I close them and take a few deep breaths. I really need to stop crying so much, it's getting pathetic. I really must get her back. I put the magazine down, and on the back page, in familiar yet different handwriting, slashing, bold, black, brazen, _Hope you liked it, Evans. Prewett._

I bite my lip and incinerate it at the dining table.

James, who had been absorbed in conversation with Sirius, looks up when cinder begins to flake around him. "What's that?"

"School magazines?" I offer sarcastically. "Did you know about the argument about me? I'm so touched that it's in a magazine! Whoo, I'm in a magazine!" He opens his mouth to protest, but he's cut off when an owl drops a letter on his head, and another drops one in my lap. Soon, a torrent of owls scatter twenty or so letters over me.

"What the-!" I stand up quickly and gather the thick bundle of letter – they are all addressed to me, strangely. I tear one open curiously and pull out the paper.

_Lily Evans-_

_I can't believe you! I thought you were a good girl, but now I see it – you've bewitched Potter and you've been such a bitch to Colette Prewett! I can't believe it! I'm outraged! You're just an attention-seeking bint!_

It was signed off by some unknown witch in North America. I'm fuming as I sieve through the other letters, either simmering with rage or gratitude as people all around the world share their thoughts on the article. I am kind of surprised they bothered to write – I can't be all that exciting, can I? Oh wait, there's James. _You're a horrible person. James Potter deserves someone much better, like me for example!_ Some teenage witch said. This is very, very weird. I don't know any of this people, like, at all. One envelope held a Howler, which I quickly tried to burn. Another held tiny bits of hard paper that tried to give me paper-cuts, and another held some kind of acidic pus, and yet another held a minor curse. Some people are really quite mad at me, aren't they? But I feel comforted by others' words of encouragement and belief. One sent me a pressed white lily petal. James helped me read through some of them.

A gasp of pain and surprise is torn from my lips when the letter I carelessly glanced through bursts into flames, and I drop the paper. I quickly suck the thumb and forefingers of both my hands – they had been burnt, quite badly. "Lily?" James cries quietly in concern, taking my hands. The pads of my thumbs and forefingers were inflamed and dark red, the skin peeling, and the other eight fingers were pink and burnt in places. Blisters were erupting on my palms where the flames had licked. He stands up quickly. "I got to take you to the Hospital Wing."

"I don't need to, James, I'm fine, but thanks," I say, and for some reason, instead of being upset that this had happened, I'm angry. I'm very, very angry. What's Colette's problem? I'm trying so hard to be her friend, and she gives me this shit!

James still drags me to the Hospital Wing, and just as I leave the Great Hall, I throw Colette the dirtiest look I can muster – she's sitting at the Slytherin table with her 'friends'. Traitor.

"My, my, what is it this time?" Madame Pomfrey says, shaking her head. I just glower at her, holding my tongue as she douses my hands in a cooling liquid, before pulling it out. I feel the urge to put it back, because the moment I remove them, they burn like hellfire, but Madame Pomfrey casts a quick spell on them, and the sensation disappears. They still look a little dark and raw, but the worst is over. She bandages them over lightly, smearing a translucent salve on it before binding it over once or twice in filmy gauze. It's not that thick or uncomfortable, but it's annoying and bothersome, but I guess I have to put up with it.

I give James a small smile when I take his arm as we walk to class, but I don't talk to him.

**Colette's POV:**

Not good. Not good. I never meant for Lily to be hurt physically! I really am a monster. I just meant to show her that… I never meant to hurt her like that! My eyes basically popped like a goldfish's when I saw her burnt hands. I had felt bad about the paper-cut paper, and the curse and the Howler and the pus, but she had successfully dodged that, but her hands! They're all burnt up and red and raw, and they look so painful! My God, what have I done?

"Oh no," I moan, and I make a move to stand up, but Renee, who is sitting next to me – I have adopted a seat at the Slytherin table – grabs my arm harshly and jerks me down.

"Where do you think you're going?" she hisses.

"Look! Lily's hurt, because I let you start that stupid article! I have to say sorry-"

"No, you don't," Renee cuts in smoothly. "Evans deserved it. Anyway, you're not her friend anymore. You're one of us. Aren't you?"

"I-right."

I sit down, but my heart wavers when Lily throws me a look that hurts, and I wonder if what I've done really is right.


	27. Chapter 27

**Next chapter! Ah, I feel so sorry for what I'm going to do to Colette for the next few chapters :(**

**In celebration of the last day of May. Ish.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

Chapter 27

**Sirius' POV:**

I run a hand through my messy hair in frustration. I can't believe it. I actually fall in love, love, real, pure, sweet, genuine love, not just a one-night-stand or a pretty doll, but real true love, and my girl goes all wrong. I can't love her like this, I don't love who she is now, but I love her still, because I know that somewhere deep down, she is still the Colette I love. She is still my darling, my love, my queen, but buried under mistakes and misunderstanding and fake friends.

But what am I supposed to do? She's sinking further and further, she's inching towards the point of no return, and I want her back, I need her back. I have to do something.

"Sirius Black, pay attention!" Prewett – Fabian Prewett, Colette's brother – yells at me across the stadium, and my head snaps up in annoyance. I glance around wearily. Prewett sighs, throwing up his hands in defeat. "Okay, team, break!" I dip down, nodding when Prewett says, "Black, I want to talk to you." The team enters the Gryffindor tent for practice break, and Prewett waves me over.

"Listen, Black, you're a great player, and all, but lately, you haven't been very good. Oh, what the hell am I saying, I'm not here to talk about Quidditch, I'm here to talk about my sis. Look, Colette… she… I may not have been the best or most attentive brother, but I do really care for her. Can you… Can you look after her for me, and bring her back where she belongs?" Prewett looks at me intently, holding my gaze. I nod. "Good," he sighs. "Oh. And buck up, will you? We're against Ravenclaw in a couple of weeks, and we want the House Cup."

"Okay, guys, one more round, then we break for breakfast!" Prewett hollers across the tent, and the rest of the team whoops at the thought of breakfast. My stomach just twists – how do I get my Colette back?

**Lily's POV:**

I meander over to the window. I smile at the sight of James swooping around. It's funny how boys can be so obsessed with Quidditch they wake at six o' clock for practice before breakfast. I slip my robe over my T-Shirt and jeans and call to Rosalie, "Hey, Ro, ready for breakfast?"

"Yes," she calls, drawing out the vowel, before bursting out of the bathroom, fully dressed. I roll my eyes at her flirtatious make-up; she's probably out to get another boy. She grabs my arm and we run for breakfast, since James will most probably be there soon.

James' not yet there when I sit, so I just help myself to some bacon first, when an owl drops an envelope on my plate, and miraculously, I catch it before it falls in my food as the owl settles down next to my goblet.

Slitting it, I find a piece of parchment. It's from that writer Rita Skeeter, asking if I want to have an interview to say my part about the article earlier. I quickly scribble a reply and send the letter off with the owl. I'm going to prove those annoying people that make writing and wand-actions so hard that I am freaking innocent! These people are complete idiots, I mean, right, acting like a brat is going to make me popular.

My fingers loosen on my goblet in shock when a long, terrible, emotion-filled scream fills my ears, piercing and thundering, and a loud bang resounds, followed by ripped sobs. I turn and see a half-enraged half-heartbroken Colette stomping towards me, determination shining in bright eyes filled with tears, mouth set firmly but then her Slytherin group pulls her away.

"What the hell did you do?" I demand when a moody Sirius walks in, almost in tears.

**Colette's POV:**

"What the shit are you doing, Flint!" I hiss, trying to rip my hand away from her grasp. "I give up. I can't take it. I'm going back."

"Listen up, Colette, what's wrong? Let me try to help-"

"Shut up, you can't h-help me, y-y-you-" I break down in tears and Renee quickly drags me out of the Hall gently, everyone else following.

"Listen, Colette, we can't help you if you don't tell us what happened!" Renee says, giving me a tight hug. "It's okay, Colette, calm down, sh." I just cry on her shoulder for a minute, and Melanie pats me on the shoulder comfortingly, looking concerned.

"It's-it's Sirius."

_"Hey, Colette, can I talk to you for a minute?"_

_I turn and see Sirius. I smile at him and excuse myself. "Hi, honey. What's up?"_

_"Look, Colette darling, I… Why have you changed? I don't understand, and I don't like it. Lily really wants you back. It's all a misunderstanding. Please, come back. Please, Colette, you must understand-"_

_"Oh, I get it! You're with them! You're trying to trick me back! Well, you're too late. I can see past it all. Don't believe Evans, Sirius, she's a lying bitch!"_

_"No, no she's not, Colette-"_

_"What?! What's wrong? Is this all about Evans? Oh, Lily this, Lily that!"_

_"No, it's about you, Colette, I love you, but-"_

_"But? But? Don't you love me? Wouldn't you choose me over Evans? Don't I mean more to you? Sirius!"_

_"Colette, this is not you. I loved Colette. You are not Colette."_

_"I'm not Colette? What are you talking about? Sirius Black! Isn't this what you want? That was what you said you wanted, didn't you? You wanted me to be more outgoing, you wanted me to live a little more! That's what I'm doing!"_

_"I meant I wanted you to have real and proper fun, not join the Slytherins!"_

_"You got a problem with the Slytherins? The Slytherins are your family, your real family! This is where I belong too. No one in Gryffindor is willing to take me back now anyway. And my Slytherin friends have let me see the light. They are the ones who really care for me. Don't you care about me, Sirius? Don't you love me? Anymore?"_

_"I…" he pauses, and I feel my heart cracking, my eyes filling with tears. "I love Colette. You are not Colette." And he leaves._

_I feel so full, full of despair and anger and sorrow and confusion and determination, and the only way to let it out is to scream, so I scream, scream for all I am worth. I give up! I can't lose so much! Who gives a shit about whatever the Slytherins say! I was put in Gryffindor for a reason! I've punished Lily enough! I give up! I give up! I'm going to apologize, I'm going to ask for forgiveness! I give up! I give up! I've had enough! I'm ending this now!"_

"It's-it's Sirius!" I choke as Renee rocks me comfortingly. "He-he told me that I wasn't me anymore. He said that he only loved 'Colette', and he said that I wasn't Colette and he-he didn't love me. I give up. I've had enough. I don't even like how I've changed. I want to go home."

"You are home, Colette," Renee murmurs, hugging me tightly, and everyone else comes in for a group-hug. "This is home now. We care and we love you, for who you are now and always, Colette. If Black really loved you, he would still love you no matter what you become."

I think this over. If Sirius loved me, really, then yes, he should always be on my side. But he basically ditched me for becoming who I want to be. He can't really love me, can he? But… Renee is the one comforting me. So is Melanie, and Clara, and Bellatrix, and Jennifer and Peggy. Is Slytherin really where I belong now? It feels imprisoning yet freeing to think of it. Is this who I am? I feel trapped and yet wild thinking of it. Am I really like this? Am I Colette? Sirius said I wasn't Colette. I am not Colette Prewett of Gryffindor now. I am Colette Prewett of Slytherin. The change looks small. The change feels overwhelming. I will not be known as Lily Evans' best friend, or Sirius Black's girl anymore, though it hurts to think of it. I am a new person now. I am Slytherin.

But somehow, something in my mind is telling me I will regret this decision.

But I brush it away. This is my life now.

**Lily's POV:**

"Well, that helped a lot, Sirius!" I snap sarcastically, harshly. "She probably just tried to murder me!" Seeing his expression, I soften.

"No, I'm sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I know. I know. You lost something precious, and I lost that same precious thing. See? We're both missing something," I say, giving him a half-hug, because he's wet from an early-morning shower of rain. He nods moodily, and stares down at his toast blankly. I sigh and pat his back somewhat reassuringly.

"It's okay, mate, she'll come around," James says sympathetically, appearing out of nowhere and patting his back as he sits next to me. "She'll miss you."

"But I don't want her to miss me. No, I mean I do, but I don't want to hurt her. Do you think I'm being too controlling? I mean, look how much I hurt her! I'm such a terrible boyfriend."

"Then don't try and get her anymore."

That was probably the most stupid thing James said. If looks could kill, James would be dead.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Look, mate, just… calm down. We know deep down she's still there. In a few days she'll see how fake everything is, and she'll be back, 'kay?" James comforts, rubbing Sirius' shoulder. James smiles at me as a greeting, and I hug him, momentarily forgetting he's wet from the rain, before jumping back.

"Argh, now I'm wet too," I moan. "I'm going to go back and change." I walk out of the Great Hall, and on the way, I hear a Professor ask, "What was the matter, girls?"

"Nothing, Professor, Prewett just had a little break-up with her boyfriend, and was a bit upset, that's all. OWLs stress added, you know?" I recognize the voice as Melanie Malfoy. My lip curls in disgust as I round the corner. I can't bear to look at Colette. She hurt Sirius and she hurt me. What more can she want?


	28. Chapter 28

**I'll be posting on the 16th or 17th, because I'm going on a holiday :) Without a laptop :(**

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

Chapter 28

"Our OWLs start in early April instead of late May due to some problems at the Ministry of Magic. Therefore, we have less time than usual to prepare. So, we need to hurry our studies. And that is why Professor McGonnagal gave us a seventeen inch essay on the difference between Transfiguring living and non-living things, and Professor Slughorn a nine inch essay on the Amortentia Potion's uses and ingredients, and Professor Flitwick wants us to practice twelve charms, and Professor Wick wants us to practice four DADA spells and write a five-inch essay on the reasons the spell _Impedimenta_ is useful, in two days, due on Monday," I explain patiently when James moans about our pile of homework. He pouts and picks up his quill again, looking down in disdain at his parchment, messy and rumpled, and with a sigh begins perusing his textbook, muttering something about 'unfair'.

I flip open my Potions textbook to find the ingredients of the Amortentia Potion. Urgh. One more essay on _Impedimenta_, practice four DADA spells and I'd be free the whole of tomorrow fro my interview with Skeeter. I had made it clear that James would not be handing up late work once I was his girlfriend. The word still makes me queasy, but delightfully instead of uncomfortably. It takes about thirty minutes to finish the Amortentia Potion essay, because thankfully it's only nine inches. James isn't even done with the Transfiguration essay, which I finished an hour ago. He is now four twelve charm practices and one Potions essay behind me, though we started at the same time. I shake my head and pull out my temporary schedule for March, April and June.

I've already spent the rest of February ignoring Colette, almost easily, and we're well along in March now – the OWLs are in one month! It makes me so nervous! My Astronomy needs serious practice. I glance at my schedule, and my eyes go round. My appointment in talking about my future career with Professor McGonnagol is in half an hour! That must have been the pile of leaflets Rosalie was looking at. Hunting down the column of dates and times, I find James' appointment – yes, I keep track of his as well, because he is hopeless at schedules – and his is three or four appointments after mine, two and a half hours from mine. Rosalie's was a few hours ago.

I scoop up a pile of brightly coloured leaflets, one of each neon colour, different sizes and shapes with all sorts of jobs printed on them. I bring them back, spreading them out on the table before warning James of the 'impeding danger'. He just yawns, and sends me a quick wink, stretching over.

"Oh, Lily, I already know what I want to be. I decided long ago." At my raised eyebrows, he crows, "Auror! I've always wanted to be an Auror, like my dad and mom! It's so cool! Or maybe an International Quidditch player, actually." I hush him, reminding him we're in a library, and he gives me huge puppy-dog eyes.

I just smile and begin sieving through the leaflets. Should I be a Professor? Maybe. A banker at Gringotts? Nope. Dragon-hunter? Nope. Scientist? I don't think so. Or an Editor, or a reporter, or a Potioneer or something. No. Maybe I should get some office job at the Ministry. Or maybe I should be an Auror like James? I guess I'll just think about Professor, desk jobs, Auror.

Somehow I don't really think any of those would work out for me. I may miss Hogwarts, but being a Professor would be… dull, I guess. I don't want some boring desk-job in the Ministry either, that would be even more dull. Oh, Professor Slughorn would be so shocked if I told him that.

So maybe an Auror, with James. The idea just doesn't appeal to me. I run my fingers through my hair in annoyance. What else is there? My eyes lazily scan the array of brightly-coloured leaflets, and one catches my eye. Healer.

Maybe I would be a Healer. You know, like a magic version of a Muggle doctor. Before I met Severus and realized I was a witch, I wanted to be a doctor. I liked the idea that I would help people who were sick or were in pain. I had first gotten the idea when I was five. I had fallen and had a large gash across my knee. The doctor stitched it up for me with a needle. No anaesthetic. And I was five. But the magic inside me numbed the pain, and all I really noticed was that I got well. Another time was when I had a horrible headache. The magic in my veins didn't help me, and I was in agony for a long time before a doctor took away the pain. For a long time, I wanted to be a doctor. When I realized I had magic, I forgot about my Muggle dreams. But I could be a magic doctor – a Healer. So many other times I was ill and my magic did little to help, and doctors and nurses took over, and made me feel 'all better' and 'good as new'. It had been my dream, and so I guess I'll live it on. I glance at the clock. Ten minutes. I run upstairs and pull my comb through my hair a bit and wash my face, pulling my hair into a neat plait and straightening my robes. Patting down my hair, I take a brisk walk to Professor McGonnagol's office.

I knock gently. "Professor?"

"Come in, Miss Evans," I hear her say, and I enter.

"Sit down. So, Miss Evans, what future career do you have in mind?" she asks. Professor McGonnagol may not approve of my choice of a Healer, so I play around a bit first.

"What career to you recommend, Professor?"

She looks at me, a thin-lipped smile forming as she says, "Well, Miss Evans, you are no doubt a bright student, so I believe your future is open. I believe these may be good choices: you could take up a job at the Ministry, you can try for the Head of anything you wish. No doubt Professor Slughorn would help with that. Perhaps you want to be Curse-Breaker or get a desk job at the Ministry? Or perhaps you find appeal in being an Auror, or a Healer?"

"Actually, Professor," I say, swallowing. "I was hoping to be a Healer. I… always had this childhood dream of becoming a doctor, see."

"Ah. A Healer. A good choice, Miss Evans. For that you will need an E grade in Potions, Herbology, Transfigurations, Charms and Defence against the Dark Arts for OWLs and NEWTs. Also for Care of magical Creatures, but there is rumour that it will not be needed in future years," she says crisply, looking through the Healer leaflet. "I believe it is more than feasible. Please continue with this 'dream' of yours, Miss Evans. I will take down your choice. You may go, now, Miss Evans, thank you."

I nod, smile and say, "Thank you, Professor," before leaving quickly, breathing a sigh of relief. That was fast and successful. I run back to tell James about it.

**Remus' POV:**

I look through the papers for the play Professor Dumbledore had assigned Lily. I'd already had my career appointment. I wanted to be a Professor, hopefully a DADA Professor. Professor McGonnagol had brought up the subject of my 'furry problem', but she had done it gently, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams.

I smile at the thought of Lily. Long ago, it seemed so long ago, I had loved her as more than a friend, and I thought I could get her to like me too, but there was my 'furry problem' and there was James. I knew he really loved her. I knew he would be better for her than I ever could be, so I let her go, but I still love her. It had truly been love at first sight. She had been beautiful, and I could see kindness and intelligence in the dazzling green of her eyes, and genteel yet determination in her movement. Oh, how I had loved Lily Evans. But now she is James', and I am happy for her and him both.

I frown at the thought of Colette Prewett and how she had made them both unhappy, directly and indirectly. I sigh. I must concentrate on the play. I had set aside an hour every Saturday to think about it, seeing Lily was too busy for the OWLs, and I didn't want to stress her.

I suck the end of my quill, thinking hard. Should make up and be friends again? Smile at each other and be each other's maids-of-honour, each other's children's godmother? Should they all live happily ever after?

Or should there be no happily ever after?

…

**Lily's POV:**

"Is that her?" I whisper to Mabel, and she nods, leading me to the young woman sipping a drink at the bar. Heavy-jawed; slick, stiff blond hair; rhinestone-studded glasses; distinctive talon-like red claws: her appearance almost intimidates me.

"Mabel! And I assume you're Miss Evans? Wonderful, let's cut to business! Have a drink?" she barely even waits for me to greet her before jerking me down and smiling widely at me. A gold tooth winks at me in her mouth, and I quirk a forced smile.

"Fascinating, your school life, Miss Evans, I'd love to find out some of your delicious secrets. But we're here to talk about that article, aren't we?" A green quill jumps from a hideous reptile-skin bag, as well as a roll of parchment. I recognize the quill as a Quick Quotes one, it writes on its own.

"Be nice, Rita, Lily's not so used to this kind of thing. Oh, and don't twist her words," Mabel interjects.

"Of course not, dear," Rita beams, and under Mabel's unexpectedly fearsome glare, she adds with sincerity, "Really, I'll just write what she says, and I'll be good." She then turns to me, a glint in her bright grey-green eyes. "Right then, Lily – can I call you Lily? – let's get down to business. Lily, we – myself and your avid fans or haters – would love to know your opinion on our latest article in your honour, _Lily Evans:_ _Is our innocent sweet little white flower not so white?_"

"I…" for a moment I'm not sure what to say, but Mabel shoots me a reassuring look.

"I am here to confirm that what Clara Greengrass said is wrong!" I say confidently, almost angrily. "There has been a misunderstanding, that I agree, but everything else is plain bull-shit." I try to school my tongue, but my anger is pouring from my lips. "Everything else is either partly off or completely off."

"Interesting," Rita smiles as I finish. "So what have you to say about you being attention-seeking?"

"That also is false. I know I'm nothing special. I'm not that smart, or pretty, or friendly, but at least I can accept it, and I don't crave attention, unlike Miss Greengrass herself. I'd like to add that she's a lying hypocrite. She and her friends are tricking my friend, Colette."

"Ah. Colette. Do you have anything to say to her?"

"Yes." I pause for a moment, before saying, "Colette, I don't know why you're picking the Slytherins over me. I'm your friend. I really care. They… they're tricking you, I swear. I just thought you were mad at me, and I wanted to find out why. It's all a misunderstanding."

"How fascinating, Miss Evans. Is it true you gave James Potter a love potion?"

"No, God no. I'm shocked anyone even thought of that. It's pure fact that I didn't really like James till this year when I realized I love him. Anyway, love potions are illegal, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are indeed. About Mr. Snape, Miss Evans, why did you 'ditch' him?"

"He betrayed our friendship for childish triumph, to get his enemies – the Marauders, whom I used to loathe but now I love one of their members – into trouble, and for that I cannot forgive him."

"Miss Evans, you are known as one of the most beautiful and intelligent witches in Hogwarts. Is it true you were not aware of it earlier, and what is your opinion on this thought?"

I think for a couple of seconds, before saying, "Yes, it's true I only just found out. I mean, I'm flattered, but I honestly don't think I'm all that pretty or smart. Though I am pleased that at least some people think well of me."

"How modest. Thank you, Miss Evans, is there anything you would like to add?"

"Yes. I want to tell you that I may not be, as I earlier mentioned, as great as some of you seem to deem me so, but I am not attention-seeking, and I have a morale which I treasure. I treasure my friends and I treasure trust. I also want to thank Mabel Boot, my friend, and anyone else out there that believes me, because I'm speaking the truth. I just want to be a normal, happy schoolgirl with friends that I can trust and care for, and would do the same for me. I would like to tell Colette to take her time trying to make up her mind, but I beg her not to pass the point of no return, and I hope she realizes soon that where she belongs is with me, and her friends, and Sirius Black, here in Gryffindor. Thank you, Rita, for this opportunity to share my thoughts."

"No problem, Lily," Rita grins, before snatching up the quill, scanning the long passage on the paper. "Okay, girls, I'll send you both a free copy of the magazine for next month, and one to your friend Colette, where the article will be printed. And I promise, darlings, that you won't regret this interview." She winks and snaps her bag shut before disappearing into the thick crowds of the Three Broomsticks.

"That went well," Mabel smiles. "Never get on the wrong side of Rita, she can really be a cow. But if you do it right, Rita is the best person you'll ever know, trust me, Lily."


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 29

_A continuation of last month's edition, on Lily Evans of Hogwarts._

_An interview between Lily Evans herself and Rita Skeeter, rising columnist:_

_Ms Skeeter: Lily, we – myself and your avid fans or haters – would love to know your opinion on our latest article in your honour, _Lily Evans: Is our innocent sweet little white flower not so white?

_Indignation and passion shines in Ms Evans' famous green eyes as she speaks._

_Ms Evans: I am here to confirm that what Clara Greengrass said is wrong! There has been a misunderstanding, that I agree, but everything else is plain bull-shit. Everything else is either partly off or completely off._

_Ms Skeeter: Interesting. So what have you to say about you being attention-seeking?_

_Sighing and leaning back, she speaks modestly about herself._

_Ms Evans: That also is false. I know I'm nothing special. I'm not that smart, or pretty, or friendly, but at least I can accept it, and I don't crave attention, unlike Miss Greengrass herself. I'd like to add that she's a lying hypocrite. She and her friends are tricking my friend, Colette._

_Ms Skeeter: Ah. Colette. Do you have anything to say to her?_

_Ms Evans looks down, seeming tired as her much-loved eyes glitter with tears of pain and loss._

_Ms Evans: Yes… Colette, I don't know why you're picking the Slytherins over me. I'm your friend. I really care. They… they're tricking you, I swear. I just thought you were mad at me, and I wanted to find out why. It's all a misunderstanding._

_Ms Skeeter: How fascinating, Miss Evans. Is it true you gave James Potter a love potion?_

_At this, Ms Evans looks up, indignant once more, determination emanating from her figure._

_Miss Evans: No, God, no. I'm shocked anyone even thought of that. It's pure fact that I didn't really like James till this year when I realised I love him, Anyway, love potions are illegal, aren't they?_

_Ms Skeeter: Yes, they are indeed. About Mr. Snape, Ms Evans, why did you 'ditch' him?_

_Ms Evans: He betrayed our friendship for childish triumph, to get his enemies – the Marauders, whom I used to loathe but now I love one of their members – into trouble, and for that I cannot forgive him._

_Ms Skeeter: Miss Evans, you are known as one of the most beautiful and intelligent witches in Hogwarts. Is it true you were not aware of it earlier, and what is your opinion on this thought?_

_At this, Ms Evans blushes._

_Ms Evans: Yes, it's true I only just found out. I mean, I'm flattered, but I honestly don't think I'm all that pretty or smart. Though I am pleased that at least some people think well of me._

_Ms Skeeter: How modest. Thank you, Ms Evans, is there anything you would like to add?_

_Looking serious once more, she continues steadily, though her eyes are shining with passion and with feeling and with tears of emotion struggling to be unshed._

_Ms Evans: Yes. I want to tell you that I may not be, as I earlier mentioned, as great as some of you seem to deem me so, but I am not attention-seeking, and I have a morale which I treasure. I treasure my friends and I treasure trust. I also want to thank Mabel Boot, my friend, and anyone else out there that believes me, because I'm speaking the truth. I just want to be a normal, happy schoolgirl with friends that I can trust and care for, and would do the same for me. I would like to tell Colette to take her time trying to make up her mind, but I beg her not to pass the point of no return, and I hope she realizes soon that where she belongs is with me, and her friends, and Sirius Black, here in Gryffindor. Thank you, Rita, for this opportunity to share my thoughts._

_Ms Skeeter: No problem, Ms Evans. Talking to you and hearing your side of the tale has been a pleasure._

_So now you've heard both the yays and the nays. Who do you want to believe? Angelic Lily, or demonic Lily? Also, there have been many letters expressing how they feel being sent to Ms Evans, some haters have even sent minor curses and other harmful spells. One of them have successfully burnt Ms Evans' fingers, though she waves the pain, which must have been excruciating and scorching. The sender should know that physically harming someone is illegal unless on self-defence. Any further harmful posts will be traced, and the sender will indeed get into trouble._

_So now, there will be no continuations of this subject on Ms Evans' request._

My lips twist as I scan the page. I look up and throw the magazine back at my scowling friends. Renee burns it to cinder in a manner of seconds, reminding me painfully of what Lily used to do. "Evans," Melanie drawls, "is such a pain sometimes. Her and her suck-up friend, Boot. If Evans were to get on her knees, confess everything and beg her to accept her offer of friendship, Colette, would you do it?"

"No," I spit, my face contorting further. Lily needs to learn when to give up, when to just tell the truth and get it over and done with. "Never. I'm Slytherin now."

"Good," Melanie leans back for a moment, and exchanges a look with Renee. I look between them curiously. Renee takes a deep breath, as if she's preparing for something vital, something important.

"Listen, Colette," Renee says gently yet commandingly, looking me straight in the eye and taking my hands. "We want we can trust you, so we will be letting you in on something people will never know for a long, long, time, till we rise into power.

"Now, you think we're just a clique, but we aren't. We're a group of very special, very great wizards and witches that extend all over the world… School-age and above, everything, and only certain people are invited to be one… We call them – us – the Death Eaters. I know it sounds scary, Colette, but in truth, we actually just want the Greater Good for the world. The Death-Eaters fight for the Greater Good for the wizarding world. We have a Lord, but he is powerful and he knows what he is doing, and seeks only to make the world a better place altogether, where everything is fair and where we are appreciated for who are, where we feel we belong. Now, Colette, we've been observing you for a long, long time. We've decided that you are worthy enough to be one of us.

"I – we – are inviting you to be one of us. I know this is a lot to take in, but I swear on my inner Slytherin that it is true, and we beg you to consider this special offer, Colette. Will you join us?"

I look at her. The shock is overwhelming, The first I think of is: is my leg being pulled? I really doubt it – this clique rarely lies to one another, and when they swear on their inner Slytherin, they sure as hell mean it. I can't really think straight at the moment, my head is whirring with information on Thestrals and animate Transfiguration, and the exam stress is really killing me: alternating insomnia with exhaustion; semi-illusions; nightmares; terrible facial blemishes like dark violet eye bags; cramps and aches; irritability; etcetera. This great big drama isn't helping much, either.

Renee said it was for the Greater Good. The Greater Good. To make the world a better place for future generations. I think they do want what's best for the world; had they not taken me under their protective wing when I was in the line of fire, when I was trapped in hidden thorns?

Only certain people are invited – worthy – special – it all makes me feel good, wanted, special, loved, when I hear it. Do these people really care for me? Is there a potential in me they see? It would feel so… so great, so powerful, so wanted. It makes me feel so loved and treasured in a way Mum, Dad, Molly, anyone, even Sirius could make me feel. It makes me feel like I mean something. Like I don't need Gryffindors to be happy. I don't need my past to save me; my future is open and it is great. I can be who I am, I don't have to hide, to pretend, I can be who I am and who I want to be, and still be loved for it, still be accepted for it.

I hesitate for a moment. But they are Slytherins – what if this is a trick – what if I regret this later – what if – what if? There are so many things I have to be careful about first. Is this illegal? Is it wrong, past all the good intentions? Could something go haywire? Could these people just be brainwashed, herding us like sheep for the slaughter?

Renee kneels in front of me, and smiles, in a way she looks so powerful with an austere beauty, invincible, strong, perfect. "Colette, no one will ever order you around and treat you like dirt. You'll be acknowledged for all your talents, for who you are. No one will ever treat you like they did, ever again. You can do anything you want. Anything."

I look up, into her eyes. I hesitate for a moment, and say, "I… Yes. I'll join this… Death-eater group. Yes."

"Good, I knew I could count on you, Colette," Renee beams at me, sitting back in her chair, reclining back like a cat. "There's only one more test, Colette, to prove you are truly with us." Her eyes are dangerously snake-like in quality as they glint, training on me with an intensity that scares me, and intensity that held me stationary as she spoke in a voice, a voice that suggested utmost importance, utmost secrecy, utmost severity of situation. For some reason, something screams at me to back out here, to prove who I am. But I force the question from my throat.

"What is it?" I croak.

Renee smiles, deadliness hidden behind faux sympathy as she whispers in my ear, then pulls away.

I look at her. That's impossible. "I can't do that. That's… it's wrong, my God!"

"You think this is evil, you think this is dark magic, but Colette, it's for the greater good. It's a sacrifice, a worthy sacrifice. You and he should both be proud, honoured. You should honoured to even be considered, and proud that the Lord thinks you are worthy. And remember, Colette. Our Lord does bad, bad things to people who tell on him, and to people who refuse his offers. So think about it, Colette. One life for another. His for yours."

Tears are streaming down my face.

"So he will kill me if I don't do this?" I ask quietly.

"He'd kill you, Colette, and he'd kill him as well, and painfully, so it's either one painless death, or two, with you both screaming for it to end. I'm so sorry we have to do this. But it's necessary. We know you can make the right choice. You know what's the best. What do you choose, Colette?"

"I don't even have a choice, do I?"

Her dark eyes shine, with malice and sympathy at my struggle, a strange and inhuman mix, as the words leave her lips. "Yes. And no."

"I … I'll do it."


	30. Chapter 30

**My muse is dying. I'm sorry the play I wrote is such crap, I'm no good at writing stories. I may edit it in the future...**

**Next chapter! :3**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 30

I lean back into the comfy recesses of the plush, squishy armchair, and place two fingers on each closed eyelid, a yawn escaping me. "It didn't really turn out as I expected, but whatever. So how should I make the play end?" I ask Remus, who sits next to me as he does an essay. "Should I make it a happy ending or a sad ending?"

"Happy ending, of course, don't you want Colette to come back?" James interjects from my other side.

"Actually," Remus says calmly, dipping the end of his swan-feather quill into his inkpot. "I asked Professor Dumbledore if we could ask the student body for ideas."

"Okay," I mull this over while adding, "but then what about, like, the surprise? Then they'll know the story!"

"Well, we need auditions anyway," Remus argues. "And the story isn't really for them, it's for other visitors and guests. So we'll set out posters for auditions, and also asking for ideas for the ending. We'll choose a few, then let the student body vote for their favourite one. How about it, like that, Lily?"

I think about it for a minute. "Yeah, we should do that. We'll make the posters before we go to bed," I add, glancing at the clock just before it strikes eleven. James pouts, but takes out his wand. After about half an hour, we finish a rough draft. "I'll send it in to Professor Dumbledore tomorrow morning, and we'll see if we can get them pinned up by afternoon," I mumble.

"Kay," Remus yawns. "G'night, Lily. James, you coming up?"

"In a sec," he replies, and stretches like a cat. Remus nods and stumbles up to the boys' dormitory as I make hasty, sleepy touches to the poster draft. I feel James' breath on my neck, somehow warm and cool at the same time. "We should go to bed, Lily darling," he mutters, burying his face in my hair. I smile. "Do you think they'll like it?" I ask doubtfully. My play wasn't very good or very long.

"How do you think it looks?" I whisper into his ear, smiling. Splashed over the A3 paper is red and gold, green and silver, black and yellow, blue and bronze, swirling around to create a pastel background and a vibrant title: School Play.

_School Play_

_This year, Hogwarts will be performing a play written by Lily Evans and Remus Lupin._

_Copies of the script will be given to those who want to audition for the play. Auditions are held on the 29th of April in the room at the back of the Great Hall. The play will be performed on 25th May in the Hogwarts Great Hall. Auditions are open for forth-year to seventh-year students. Practice will continue every other day after Dinner._

_There is also a competition for the best given ending for the play, open for all second-year to seventh-year students. Submit all endings written in black ink on parchment to your Head of House by 20th April. On the 21st of April, chosen writings will be displayed for voting. The best ending will be used for the play._

It was the 12th of April, giving the other students about a week to submit their entries. I really hope we get a good ending, and decent auditions. I roll up the A3 sheet of colours, bind it in a red ribbon, and stash it in my trunk before coming back to the Common Room to say goodnight to James.

He lies sprawled on the couch, his head tilted downwards, sideways, his hands tucked under his cheek. I just smile. My badass boyfriend, an epitome of innocent sweetness, laid on a red couch, squashed but soundly asleep, lost already in slumber. I run upstairs and grab his duvet from his bed, muffling my steps best as I can so as not to wake the other boys. I drape it over his sleeping figure, but he catches my hand, bringing it to his face. He rubs it gently against his cheek, and kisses my knuckles, and in his sleep, he murmurs, "Lily." He jerks me down, still slumbering deep, and I find myself snuggling into his warmth under the blankets. I squeeze my eyes shut, take a deep breath. Just sleep. Sleep. Sleep with James.

And all is well.

_The play concluded all that had happened, spun into a tale of truth, lies and omitted words, of Athena and Cathryn, two Muggle friends, almost sisters, separated by misunderstandings. Athena was lost, she was confused, tricked, lied to, manipulated, her innocence dashed. Her fate was yet to be written._

_The glint of a summers' day. Two laughing girls. Singing, dancing. Clouds veiled their precious sun as a misunderstanding unravelled. Cathryn had been framed for the murder of Athena's younger sister. She is sentenced to death. Athena, lost and confused, was 'taken in'. Sharks, you could call them, smiling their toothy grins, waiting for the right moment to end it all. They manipulated her, darkened her mind, ripped her soul, killed her conscience. Athena changed. She began shirking, begin bullying, began doing all sorts of things she would never have done. She lost purity and grades, and she lost her one love who she had shared a persevering romance with._

_Her personal little tragedy would unfold by itself. What was to happen? What would it be? Her loss. Would it make her see the light – or drive her past the point of no return, past insanity?_

_And her future was in the hands of students. What was it to be?_

_Hogwarts Play:_

_Narrator: This tells the story of two orphans, Athena and Cathryn, a story of betrayal, bravery, mistakes, truth and trust. May the story unfold, of these two friends, almost sisters, and have nothing but themselves left in this world._

_Cathryn is being dragged away by the police._

_Cathryn: Athena, you can't believe them! I didn't do it! I swear._

_Athena: Who else would have done it? It was you! My God, I was friends with a murderer! You drowned Kimberley! You drowned my little sister!_

_Cathryn: Athena, please, I swear…_

_Athen spits at Cathryn._

_Athena:  
Get away from me! I don't know you. You are a killer. You are a monster._

_Both leave in opposite sides of the stage._

_Scene changes._

_Judge: So, unless any of the family members of Kimberley Ink votes no, Cathryn Dates, charged for the murder of Kimberley Ink, will be hanged till dead on the 17th of May._

_Cathryn(softly, stage-whisper): Athena… Please… please believe me._

_Athena(looks away): The deed is done. The doer will be undone._

_Cathryn sits back, her eyes closed._

_Cathryn: Then, all evidence is against me. Nothing I say on my part will save me. So then do what you must. There is nothing left for me._

_Athena looks up. Everyone runs backstage as she stands and walks up the stage and falls to her knees._

_Athena: Do I save her? She is almost my sister. But she killed my own blood, my own flesh. I cannot save her from her fate, from the punishment of the sins she wilfully committed. One life for another. Kimberley, who I loved with my soul and my life, lies cold beneath the ground. Why should she not pay by being the same?_

_Kimberley, dressed in white, wet, enters from misty-backdrop and falls to the floor, dead. Athena runs to her and cradles her head in her lap, and looks up._

_Athena(screams): Cathryn will pay for what she has done! She is no sister, no friend of mine anymore!_

_Athena cries over Kimberley. Mist covers them. Cathryn, hung on a rope noose, falls from the ceiling, lifeless._

_Scene changes _

_Athena stands over Cathryn's grave._

_Athena: What have I done… What have I done. I killed her. I killed Cathryn, indirectly maybe but I did kill her. What have I done?_

_Bella appears from behind gravestone, dressed in black and red, signifying the Devil._

_Bella: Oh, but Athena, it's not your fault. No one can blame you. She deserved it. Come. Come with me… We can make you forget…_

_Demons appear from behind her cloak of fire._

_Demons: Oh Athena, no one blames you. Come with us, come with us…_

_In a trance, Athena rises, and follows, and Bella smiles, her fangs revealed, and she envelopes Athena in her cape of fire._

_Scene changes_

_Athena kneels on the floor, head bowed. She stays absolutely still._

_Other 'Athena's, her memories, come rushing out, doing wrong things, evil things._

_One is smoking, taking drugs, another is bullying a defenceless child, another is stealing cash and jewels from a shop, another is bashing a tiny dog with a wooden club, and they all loom nearer her, leering, screaming, calling her name._

_Demon Athena: Oh Athena, see what you've done? You've been naughty. You've smoked, you've taken drugs, you've beat up other kids, you've stolen, you've cheated in exams, you've bullied animals, see what you've done? You are the monster! You are the monster!_

_Athena covers her ears, cowering, screaming. Rising to her feet she runs upstage but is stopped by a wire fence. She bangs against it, screaming, but nothing happens as her memories and her demons close in on her. She can't escape._

_Athena(sobbing): This is who I've become… I cannot escape. I cannot escape…_

_Suddenly all the demon Athena copies disappear. There stands Daniel, who loved Athena all the time, since her parents died violently in a car crash, since she was crying, He knew her before she had even seen Cathryn._

_Athena: Daniel…_

_She takes a step to him, and he takes a step back, shaking his head._

_Daniel: No, Athena. I can't love you anymore. I loved an Athena who was compassionate and loving and humane. I loved an Athena who cared about others, who knew what was right. You are a monster. You are not Athena. You are a monster, a monster, a monster, a monster…_

_Athena falls to her knees again, burying her face in her hands._

_Athena: No, Daniel, please… Come back…_

_Scene changes_

_Athena: I thought you were my friends…_

_Bella: No, Athena, we were just playing with you. You were entertainment, nothing more. It was fun to see you cry and whine. It was fun to watch you fall. Goodbye, Athena. Thank you for the fun… I had fun…_

_Athena: All this time… all the things you influenced me to do… You knew this would happen?_

_Bella: Yes, Athena, you were just my little puppet, you were a marionette, a toy for me to play with, to pull the strings and control, to watch in amusement. You were a puppet, Athena, but oh, you were good fun. You aren't anything to us… Did you really think we'd accept someone like you? A poor, ugly orphan, with nothing in the world, but what's already dead? You killed your only friend in the world, lost the only boy who would have you in the world, all for one silly mistake. Why would Cathryn kill Kimberely? She loved her. Because she was the one whose hands were wet, the one who was found by the lake? Stupid girl._

_Athena: You killed Kimberley._

_Bella: Did I? Yes, I did. Oh it was fun, watching her struggle, watching her scream. But what are you going to do, Athena? There is no evidence pointing to me. You have nothing to use against me, stupid girl. Oh and your dear, dear Daniel. It was so easy to convince you he didn't love you, you know. Let him die of heartbreak. Acted like you didn't care. Then you bottled up your emotions and made it worse. Stupid girl. You lost your dear Kimberley, your dear Daniel, and your dear, dear Cathryn. Thank you for the fun._

_Bella disappears. Athena staggers and leans against a wall, looking down in shock_

_Athena: How could I have been so blind in the first place? Done what she told me to? I knew it was wrong! I just wanted the pain to go away, to forget it all. I'm so sorry, Cathryn. It was all a misunderstanding… I am the monster. What have I done?_

_Athena falls to the floor._

_Cathryn (charmed to look translucent) with a rope around her throat, walks up to Athena. Athena looks up at her, a hand reaching out to touch her. Just as she grabs a handful of Cathryn's skirt, Cathryn dissolves into mist (charmed again) and Athena collapses to the floor._

_"Cathryn is dead because I let her die. Kimberley is dead because I let her out of sight. Daniel has died of heartbreak because I trusted that murderer! God… Forgive me."_


	31. Chapter 31

**This chapter makes me so sad... :( But hi again!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, never did, never will :(**

Chapter 31

_The wind is cold on my cheek, a slicing blade. It feels wet, and it's blood, blood drawn from my skin as the wind whistles by. I touch it, and it stings. When I fall, I land on my hands and feet, like a cat. My head jerks up sharply, and I stand. A butterfly flutters by. As if I've been meaning to do this all this time, I catch it gently in my hand, my fingers a cage over it, but it erupts in scarlet flames that lick my fingers, the fire so cold it burns. I release it. It swoops away, still surrounded in red fire, and I watch it as it flies around, artistically swerving and dipping. A tree of carved iron grows from the ground, gracefully growing and forming a tower-like tree, and the butterfly alights on it, and a great hawk swoops down and swallows it._

_I watch listlessly as a dark cloud swarms around it, but through the hazy veil I can see a bright light, the vibrant red flames in the feathery breast of the hawk melting, invaded by a snake-green, deep, dark, dangerously beautiful, glowing bright and evil in its emerald tones. A cry of fear and anguish is emitted from the hawk – except it is a sparrow, small, helpless, innocent, confused, broken. It falls to the floor from its perch in the iron tree which soars far into the sky, where the horizon is a lifeless white, and where it is raining blood, my blood, hot and dark and red. The sparrow is drowning in a lake of the burning redness, the bubbling scarlet that erupts over, hot lava, dangerous, deadly. It releases an inhuman cry, a bird's wail, and it begins sobbing in a girl's voice, and it was familiar in a way that killed me, and I could do nothing as the tiny bird sank into the thick red darkness of death and of sacrifice, nothing as it captures me with a look so intense I nearly collapse when its dark eyes disappear into the red._

_Because the red that signifies blood, it also signifies danger, it signifies love, it signifies sacrifice._

_And then it is my turn to drown the sea of my own blood._

For a moment, the darkness is fading into outlines, silhouettes. Familiar shapes loom above me. My dream has rendered me slightly speechless as I just stare lifelessly at the red canopy above me for a while.

I sit up, and rub the small of my back. My mouth is dry, my throat rough. I glance around, my lids are still slightly heavy with sleep. By the window is a glass, or maybe crystal, pitcher of clear cold water glints in the bluish silver of the moonlight. Gingerly stepping out of my bed, I take a few silent steps towards the window. Pouring a glass of the crystalline water, I take a sip, then a gulp, actually tasting the flavour of the clear liquid. My eyes, half-closed with sleep, wander out the window. The grounds are brightly illuminated by the pale blue luminescence of the moon, though the pale colour of the moon was cream. Everything is highlighted in teal or azure, darkened and paled. Jagged peaks below, stretching far out, show the Forbidden Forest's domain, glinting with a sea of trees, soft clear noises of night wildlife ringing through the soft breeze as it batters the windowpanes, gentle owl sounds and the songs of crickets wafting through the air. I throw open the windows, rewarded with cool soft winds that sweep the room, evaporating the earlier stuffiness. I lean out the window. If I stick my head and look to the right, I can see the edge of the Black Lake looming over the grass before erupting in mountains of flora, and to the left, the beautiful West-side Tower, a tiny yet beautiful figure in the distance.

Tall, imposing, silvery and beautifully carved up into an elegant building, with a sharp peak, the Tower composed of cylinder-shaped walls, and a spiral staircase winding up and up, round and round, leading to a room, the ceiling which is the roof and the peak supported by four beautiful pillars. The room isn't really a room, more of an open space, the staircase opening a hole in the centre of the artistically painted and carved and decorated floor. There are no barriers, so people tend not to go there due to the danger, and also due to the fact it takes a good ten minutes of hard climbing. It doesn't sound like much, but that's 600 seconds of pain. I gaze at its architecture, almost surreal in its silver and grey beauty, stretching far into the sky, its peak buried in clouds. I don't know why, but some people are going to tear down the Tower. I think it's because even though it is still an epitome of architectural beauty, its old and crumbling and very, very dangerous.

My eyes travel from the base of the Tower, up and up and up, past rings of statues and carvings and decorations, all carved from marble, charmed to a silver tone, all the way to the peak, where the heavy clouds loom and tumble over. Somehow, the beauty seems a little sinister, a little dangerous, as though it's waiting for something to happen.

Somehow, from the heavy clouds that obscure my sight of the top of the Tower, I see something tiny, too far away to see clearly, seeming to fall from the peak, down all the way to the ground, as though in slow motion, but it fades into the darkness…

I should go back to sleep. I've been dreaming and having illusions. Like I said, that place is dangerous, no one goes up there anymore, let alone drop things out of it. Scarlet mewls as she winds around my legs, and I scoop her up and snuggle her, sighing as I bury my face into her soft fur. Scarlet meows again loudly, and struggles. I frown a little but put her down. I feel really sleepy, read to doze off right now…

I have a long, long day tomorrow. I have to go read through scores of endings submitted…

I crawl under my warm eiderdown, and drift off…

_Scarlet's futile attempts to rouse her mistress, to lead her away from her bed and to someplace she was needed became desperate, and yet were still in vain._

…

I wake up to sobs. "Rosalie?" I mutter sleepily. I raise my head from the lumpy yet comfy pillows, blearily opening my eyes. Clinging to the silky fabric of my nightdress was the sobbing blond, crying into my shoulder.

"Rosalie?" I sit up in alarm. Rosalie cried often about all sorts of silly things, but never like this. She'd never let herself be seen in such a mess of tangled hair and red, puffy eyes. "Ro, what's wrong? It's okay, don't cry…"

She cuts me off. "It's not okay! It's too late!" Her words are punctuated by choked sobs, and that's all she manages out, non-too-easily, before breaking back into sobs, clearly unable to continue. I rub her back. Maybe she's just overreacting. Maybe she just realized she left her favourite gloves someplace and is now gone. Or maybe she lost her new-found crush to an enemy. She's a real drama queen.

"Oh, it's okay, Rosalie, just calm down a bit," I murmur quietly, stroking her hair, but she just cries more, so I hug her tightly. "It's okay, honey, nothing's going to happen, you'll be alright. We'll be fine. What's the matter, what's wrong? Oh, Rosalie, please don't cry, I'm sure we can fix it," I say softly and gently, embracing her, resorting to endearments, trying to comfort her.

"Y-_you_ try to fix death! Two people are dead! It's too late!" She breaks into louder weeping, making horrible noises, as though she can't breathe. My eyes widen. I grab Rosalie firmly by the shoulders, pull her away from me, saying commandingly, "Who is dead, Rosalie? Who is dead?!"

She tries to talk, but every time she tries to get the words out, she chokes and can't stop crying. This is very, very bad. Oh my God, who is dead? I shake her in frustration, saying loudly, "Stop crying, Rosalie and tell me!" She can't step, and in my desperation, I scream, "Rosalie Brown, tell me who is dead!"

She hiccups, placing a hand on my shoulder, and looks away a bit, fighting for air as she gulps down deep breaths, then shakily turns to me, locking her eyes on mine.

"Fabian Prewett… and… and Colette."


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi guys :) Okay, brace yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

_Chapter 32_

My hair is a birds' nest. My clothes are anyhow thrown on. My feet are bare. My eyes are wild. I don't care.

Colette is dead.

I run madly down the stairs, desperate, fleeing. Rosalie had been told to awaken me, tell me what had happened, ask me to dress and meet at the bottom of the West Tower. I had flung on my cloak, nothing else. I had no time. I was desperate. I was running, running, my head was spinning. This had to be some sick joke. She can't be dead.

But she is.

I tear through the thorny undergrowth, running blindly. Pushing past the branches. Ripping away the brambles. Scrambling, crawling, fleeing. Lying there. Everyone else is invisible to me. There's only her. Only her white, papery face, her eyes vacant, blind, milky, glassy. Dead. They look up. They gaze up into emptiness. The sweet rosiness of her lips have faded, and her cheeks. Death curls around her, a sick scent, a broken feeling, a missing soul.

All that's left to do is nothing. Nothing. Just fall to your knees. Just grab her cold, cold white hands, the frozen snow fingers. Every pore of her skin – cold as fresh-fallen snow, cold as death. So beautiful. So dead. Why? Why? She was so gentle, so sweet, so wronged, so kind, so beautiful, so tricked, so smart, so funny, so dead. How could she die? She was my Colette, she was my friend, she was like my sister.

The trickling saltwater. The cold breeze of night. The clammy stillness of death. Enveloping me. I felt so sick, I couldn't breathe.

What did she ever do? What did Colette ever do to deserve this?

The dampness on my cheek stretches. One falls, one crystalline drop, spreading its warmth on the frozen skin of her cheek. I brush it away with one thumb. I cradle her face in my hands. What had she ever done? I gently close her lids. Long lashes brush her cheeks. Her mouth falls open a little. She looks all the world like she is asleep.

And she is. But she will never wake.

I hug her to me. She is dead, she is dead, she is dead! I scream in my head. I think of all the things we've ever done together. All the things we'll never do again. Sharing wonders of magic with me; sharing wonders of the Muggle world with her; eating ice cream on a summer day; skiing on the Alps; playfully comparing exam results; sleepovers; movie marathons; and talks. Long, long talks sharing thoughts, feelings, emotion, empathy, opinions, sisterly love. Cherishing each other. Making friends together. Hugging each other. Joking with each other, playing games, sitting by the Black Lake, studying, reading, baking, we did so many things together, so many things I'd never do with her again.

How? How? How could I lose her? My sister. She was like my sister. The sister I really wanted. She was Colette. Stupid. I should never have left her. I should never have let her go. Never let go. But now I've lost her. I've lost her forever.

"Can't… can't we do anything? Help her, God damn it! Bring her back to life! Do something! Damn it! Damn it! Do something! Please," I sob long and hard into her hair. Kneeling by her, holding her face to me, burying my face in her long orange hair, smelling so sweetly of wild herbs and flowers, soft and silken. Her arms used to bring me comfort. Now they draw up nothing but empty horror. I'm choking on nothing, dying, gasping for air that is in my lungs, clinging to consciousness as it drowns me, grasping for hope that will never be, seeking warmth that will never be, grappling for life that will never be. "Please. Don't let her be dead. She must be alive. She must be still there. She can't die. I won't let her die! She's not dead! I won't let it happen! I won't allow it, she has to be alive! She can't be dead! Please…" My words are choked in the fragrance of her hair. "No…" The natural perfume of her hair begins to cloy with death. "No…" My moans rasp as I cling to hopelessness, dead hopelessness, trying to deny it, but living on it as she grows colder and colder, further and further into a death that had already consumed her. "No…" My heart pangs as I finally force myself to embrace my loss. My loss. How could I lose so much in one year? How could I lose so much in one night? How could I lose my dear, dear, my dear Colette?

I'm screaming protestations, struggling, fighting, as people pull me away from her corpse. Her corpse… Her dead, dead corpse… And the actual impact of it renders me unable to breathe. I stop struggling, I just cover my face, cry, cry, cry. This is impossible. I'm going to wake up. And when I do, I'm going to run over to Colette's bed, and hug her and tell her I love her more than a sister, and cherish her forever…

But I do not wake. I am trapped in reality. Painful reality. It kills me, it rips me apart.

She's dead! I scream at myself again, and I push everything away, and curl up in a ball. No one bothers me for a long time as I cry and cry, trying to calm down, half-heartedly and fruitlessly. Why should I? Why should I? Mourn for my Colette, my precious Colette. Let me mourn for her, let me miss her. I let her die. Mourn. I slept while she died. Mourn. I never looked up when she died. Mourn. I didn't have a care when she died. Mourn. I wasn't even there for her when she died. Mourn. I don't even know why she died. Mourn. My fault. Is it my fault? My fault that she died? Was it – is it – my fault that she lies cold and lifeless o'er the grass? Stretched out? Carved from marble? Serene and silent death? An epitome of ever-lasting sleep?

Warm hands, long fingers, comforting movement, gentle touch, soothing and familiar, stroke my hair, hold my head, hug me to a warm body, soft words whispered, unintelligible, into my ear. I don't care. I just grab the rough fabric of the person's chest, cry into him, weep, sob, let my broken heart seep out in my eyes in hot liquid of passion as I cling to cloth and nothingness. I care for nothing now. Nothing but my sweet, sweet, dear Colette, the sweet Colette I let die all by herself.

At last my tears die down, at last breathing gets easier, at last my hiccups slow to a stop. At last my mind moves to sane sensibility, safe for thought and decisions. I look up. I am met and immensely comforted by warm brown eyes as they hold mine in a gentle gaze. James holds me close. At least he is still alive. At least he will still hold me. At least he will still speak to me. At least he will still laugh with me, play with me, study with me, be with me.

I bury my face in the warmth of his chest, rubbing my cheek on the soft fabric of his shirt, pressing myself deeper into his arms, hugging myself, leaning on him, my skin yearning for his touch, my ears yearning for the sound of his voice, my heart yearning for the love of him. I sniff, once, and take deep, long breaths as James rubs warm circles on my back, hushing me softly, gently, as I calm down. I dare myself to take a peek out. I nearly throw up. Not one dead body, but two. Both Colette and Fabian Prewett are covered to the throat in sterile white. I hide my face again, hysteria bubbling in my throat again. James just hugs me tighter. And again and again, I ask myself, Why. I ask myself, How. I ask myself why her, how her, why did she die, how did she die, why, why, why. I cling to James and he whispers comfort I cannot decipher into my ears. Two dead. One night. My best friend. My best friend's brother. Nightmares. Black nightmares. I look up again, and James looks back down at me, and with the pad of his thumb, he wipes away tears that I never knew had fallen. I lick my lips nervously and look around. Professor Dumbledore gazes down at the two bodies. He closes his eyes, looks down. Everything is in slow motion. I see Rosalie kneeling down, hugging herself, no one to hold her, crying. I see Alice Waffling and Frank Longbottom hugging each other in a corner, and I am oblivious to why they are here. I see Amelia Bones, who is supposedly Fabian's girlfriend, sobbing over her beloved's corpse. Then there is a blur of black. Sirius Black seems to fly to Colette, his cloak swirling around him. His cry is inhuman, broken and tired, enraged and pained, sad. I see him bend over Colette, wrap his arms around her, hug her close, and probably for the first time in his life, cry. Crying over her body. Stroking her long soft hair. Holding her limp corpse tight. Leaning his forehead against hers. Kissing her temple, her eyelids, her nose, her dead cold lips. Just crying his heart out, because there is nothing left to do but cry, mourn, die. And I start crying again too. We both truly lost something so precious to us. And I've become within this year a human tap. I can't stop crying. God, why is everything happening so fast?

"Shh, Lily darling, shh," James whispers softly, and his eyes are glittering too, his grip on me firm. "Okay, Lily, shh, I'm going to take you back to your dorm now." Half walking and half being carried, I stumble back up to the Gryffindor Common Room, and amazing the girls' dorm lets James in.

I make a beeline for Colette's bed. Colette's empty bed. Beneath the quilts are cushions made to resemble a body. How could I not have noticed? I hug her pillow to me, and inhale her sweet, familiar scent, the scent that didn't change even when she became different, and I cry some more. So tired. Cry, cry, cry. Drift off into sleep, still cradling her pillow.

Sirius' POV:

Tears rack my body. I have never cried before, but here I weep over my Colette.

"How did she die," I whisper to Remus as he gazes down at me, as I hold my Colette in my arms. "How did she die? How could I have let her die? It's my fault, all my fault, she would have come back if… if I didn't tell her I didn't love her, if I didn't tell her she wasn't Colette… My God, sweet Colette, come back… How can she be dead? She is still so beautiful, still my Colette…"

Remus just turns his face away, and here I weep over my Colette.

…

Remus' POV:

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry. I turn away from Sirius' face. I'd never seen him cry before. And I wished I never would. I guess it's too late.

"And so, Mr. Lupin, would you like to elabourate further on your findings?" a quiet, serious voice asks. Professor Dumbledore catches my eyes in his piercing blue ones, and I can't tear away from them. I swallow, aware that a tearing Professor McGonnagal, sobbing Professor Sprout, etc., have fixed their eyes on me.

When I called Professor Dumbledore, all I told him was that Colette and Fabian Prewett were dead.

My throat is dry, papery. Professor Dumbledore conjures up a few chairs, and I take a seat. How do I say this? "Professor, you are aware that Lily Evans has a cat, a kitten, by the name of Scarlet? Last night, Scarlet woke me up, my scratching at me, you see. She was meowing frantically, trying to get me to follow her. Something was wrong. It was instinct, see – animal instincts. Scarlet could sense it. I could feel it too. So I threw on my dressing gown, and I followed her. She was running so fast, I had difficulty catching up. Then I lost her. After that, I heard screams, and I followed them. It was Frank Longbottom and Alice Waffling. They had been doing some very late night studying, or at least that's what they said, when they saw something fall out of the West Tower. So they ran down to investigate. They saw them. And they screamed. That was when I followed them. Scarlet was there too. And when I saw them… I… at first I couldn't do anything. I just stood there. Then I did the only sensible thing. I ran for your office. But before that… I walked up, pretty close to them, you know, to make sure they weren't pranking… or… doing something stupid. I checked Fabian's pulse first. He was dead. Then I checked Colette's. But when I picked up her wrist, this fell from her hand."

It was a tiny bottle, made of gold-tinted glass, and behind the pale translucency, a small swirly little silvery liquid-like vapour. I had recognized it in a second. A compressed Patronus.


	33. Chapter 33

**I didn't want to kill her either. :(**

**Oh, and if you are wondering what a Compressed Patronus is, I made it up. It's basically a Patronus (you know Patronuses can carry messages?) that has been compressed to fit into a container that will deliver its message upon its release. I thought it was feasible. And yes, Colette is so good at DADA...**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 33

I lean my head on James' shoulder but keep walking. He squeezes me to him gently.

Rosalie came to help me clean up. I helped her clean up too. Because this time, the impact is nearly as hard on her as me. It's barely dawn, at Professor Dumbledore is calling us to his office to decide what to do before the student body wakes up. My footsteps click on the floor. All our footsteps, three pairs, clatter across the pristine tiles. I lean into James' warmth, holding Ro's hand to comfort her.

When something too unpleasant happens, our minds reject it, we forget it. Will it happen?

The five stages. Stage one: Denial. Stage two: Anger. Stage three: Bargaining. Stage four: Depression. Stage five: Acceptance. I'm already entering the fourth stage. My question: will I ever get through the fifth stage? Will I ever accept it?

I'm jerked out of my thoughts. "Come in." We are already at the door. James opens it.

"G-good morning, Professor," I stutter out, before blurting, "Where's Colette?"

"Good morning, Miss Brown, Mr. Potter and Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore says softly, smiling gently, though his eyes express a sadness too unbearable for me to look him in the eye, and my gaze drops. "Miss Prewett is currently being checked by the Professors along with Mr. Prewett for reasons on how they died. Now, when the three of you left, Mr. Lupin produced a bottle he had found – ah, I have not explained to you how they were discovered. Mr. Longbottom and Miss Waffling happened to be up for some late night studying, and had seen something fall from the West Tower, and they quickly ran down to investigate. Meanwhile, your cat, Scarlet, who is now being fed by the House-Elves in the kitchen, had awoken Mr. Lupin, and took him to the West Tower. Mr. Longbottom and Miss Waffling explained what they had seen, and Mr. Lupin ran for my office. Is that right, Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes, sir," Remus murmurs, together with Sirius, appearing from the shadow. Meanwhile, my face drains of colour. Scarlet. She had tried to rouse me also, but I had simply gone off to sleep. She had tried to warn me. After realizing I was sleeping, she must have gone for Remus, probably because she felt the animal connection more.

"Now, Miss Prewett had left a compressed Patronus in a glass bottle. She is truly gifted in Defence of the Dark Arts. Many have not even heard of a Patronus. A Patronus is used to drive away Dementors from Askaban, for example, but is also used to convey messages. When I released Miss Prewett's Patronus, it led us back up the West Tower. There were several letters, hidden in the shadow, as well as a tiny vial. One of these letters, as well as the vial, is labelled for you." He hands me a thin envelope, the word _TO LILY EVANS ONLY_ reminding painfully of her. I look up.

"S-Sir," I stutter, an idea hitting me. "May-may I ask, what was Colette's Patronus?"

"A sparrow." I blink. The dream. Not that too. I pull out my wand and drag it across the edge of the envelope, creating a cut. Pulling out a thin piece of paper, it begins:

_Dear Lily._

_I'm so sorry. It was my fault. I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted this to happen… It all happened so fast._

_Look, I misunderstood you so badly. I know. I'm sorry. I don't know how to say this. They tricked me. You must understand. In the vial is a memory. Look upon it and understand it. But don't, please, let anyone else see._

_I am so sorry._

_I give you what life I would have had in any way I have. I wish you the happiness I might have felt if this had not happened. I wish you the joy of life I would have had if this had not happened._

_I can't forgive myself. I can't take it. I sound weak, I know, but this is how I really feel. I can't take the guilt. My insides are shrivelling, darkening, the pain is so intense. This is my way of saying sorry. This is your payback. I am so weak. I am so sorry._

_With love, and I beg for the forgiveness I don't deserve,_

_Colette Prewett_

"She-she wants me to see a memory of hers, and no one else is to see it," I say throatily, staring at her neat, beautifully hand-printed letters. Professor Dumbledore nods gravely. "Then we shall respect her wish. Feel free to use the Pensieve now. I promise no one shall follow. But if there is something important, please, pray tell." I nod numbly, and walk to the Pensieve, and pour the delicate silver into it. I take a deep breath, and let the tip of my forefinger, and feel myself being lurched into the Pensieve.

_Colette throws down the magazine I recognize to have my interview in it. A scowl is etched on her sweet face, ruining the angelic features. Renee Flint burns it._

_ "Evans," Melanie Malfoy drawls, "is such a pain sometimes. Her and her suck-up friend, Boot. If Evans were to get on her knees, confess everything and beg her to accept her offer of friendship, Colette, would you do it?"_

_"No," she says, her face contorting even further. "Never. I'm Slytherin now." I bite my lip when I hear her say that._

_"Good," Melanie leans back for a moment, and exchanges a look with Renee. Colette look between them curiously. Renee takes a deep breath, as if she's preparing for something vital, something important._

_"Listen, Colette," Renee says gently yet commandingly, looking Colette straight in the eye and taking her hands. "We want we can trust you, so we will be letting you in on something people will never know for a long, long, time, till we rise into power._

_"Now, you think we're just a clique, but we aren't. We're a group of very special, very great wizards and witches that extend all over the world… School-age and above, everything, and only certain people are invited to be one… We call them – us – the Death Eaters. I know it sounds scary, Colette, but in truth, we actually just want the Greater Good for the world. The Death-Eaters fight for the Greater Good for the wizarding world. We have a Lord, but he is powerful and he knows what he is doing, and seeks only to make the world a better place altogether, where everything is fair and where we are appreciated for who are, where we feel we belong. Now, Colette, we've been observing you for a long, long time. We've decided that you are worthy enough to be one of us._

_"I – we – are inviting you to be one of us. I know this is a lot to take in, but I swear on my inner Slytherin that it is true, and we beg you to consider this special offer, Colette. Will you join us?"_

_No, no is all I can think. Colette wouldn't do that. She must know how evil Slytherins are._

_Colette seems to be contemplating hard, throwing back discussions in her head, weighing the pros and cons, carefully judging her choices. So hard, her eyes are lost in wonder, serious and dangerous decision, a decision that will lead her to her future, her fate._

_Renee kneels in front of her, and smiles dangerously. It makes me worried and sick at the same time. "Colette, no one will ever order you around and treat you like dirt. You'll be acknowledged for all your talents, for who you are. No one will ever treat you like they did, ever again. You can do anything you want. Anything."_

_Colette looks up, into her eyes. She hesitate for a moment, and say, "I… Yes. I'll join this… Death-eater group. Yes."_

_No._

_"Good, I knew I could count on you, Colette," Renee beams at her, sitting back in her chair, reclining back like a cat. "There's only one more test, Colette, to prove you are truly with us." Her voice and her eyes express serious danger, an evil I can't bear. Please, Colette, don't…_

_"What is it?" she asks._

_Renee smiles, deadliness hidden behind faux sympathy as she whispers in her ear, then pulls away. I do not hear. But I know what it is._

_ "I can't do that. That's… it's wrong, my God!"_

_"You think this is evil, you think this is dark magic, but Colette, it's for the greater good. It's a sacrifice, a worthy sacrifice. You and he should both be proud, honoured. You should honoured to even be considered, and proud that the Lord thinks you are worthy. And remember, Colette. Our Lord does bad, bad things to people who tell on him, and to people who refuse his offers. So think about it, Colette. One life for another. His for yours."_

_Colette's face is streaked with tears._

_"So he will kill me if I don't do this?" she asks quietly._

_"He'd kill you, Colette, and he'd kill him as well, and painfully, so it's either one painless death, or two, with you both screaming for it to end. I'm so sorry we have to do this. But it's necessary. We know you can make the right choice. You know what's the best. What do you choose, Colette?"_

_"I don't even have a choice, do I?"_

_ "Yes. And no."_

_"I … I'll do it."_

_"No!" I scream at her, though she cannot hear. "No, Colette! Please!" This is what it was. She killed her own brother because they were threatening both her life and his. Death. They were fifteen, how could they ask her to kill? The colours evolve to darkness, before the black dissolves into the West Tower._

_"Why are you doing this, Colette?" Fabian asks softly. He is crying silently._

_Colette wipes tears away from her face, her wand pointing unsteadily at him, and she screams, "You don't understand! I wouldn't do this if I had the choice, Fabian. You're my brother, and I love you, but… He'll kill us both, in a much worse way. You have to believe… have to trust me…"_

_"What is there about you to trust?" Fabian asks quietly._

_Colette says nothing. She takes a deep breath, steadies her aim._

_"I'm so sorry, Fabian," she whispers. "You know I love you, right? I'm so, so sorry."_

_Her lips move, and the green illuminates the darkness, and he falls. Colette runs to the edge, kneeling. She watches as he falls. Lifeless. And suddenly it seemed to click in her head. "What have I done?" she whispers. "What have I done?"_

_"Nothing more than we asked," a soft, dangerous voice whispers. I whip around just as Colette does. Melanie Malfoy and her clique stand there. They are smiling at her. "You've done it. You are one of us. And since now the deal is done, let me further explain. Our Lord plans to eradicate filthy Mudbloods, like your friend Evans. He plans to enslave Muggles. Like your Evans' parents. Think how great you and us will be? For once, purebloodedness will be truly appreciated. We will be treasured. Welcome. You are the first member who is not a Slytherin. You have mastered the Aveda Kedevra on your first try. That is more than a miracle."_

_"It's an Unforgiveable. What else have you been hiding from me? I never wanted Muggle-borns to be killed! Neither do I want Muggles enslaved! What have you been doing to me? You've been lying to me, isn't it? How is this the Greater Good? God, Melanie, what have you done? What have I done?"_

_"Well," Melanie says softly. "We have been watching you for a long, long time, Colette. We noticed you had potential. See, you mastered your Killing Curse, faster probably than the Dark Lord himself. Yes, he is the Dark Lord. But you are one of us now. You are his newest recruit. Congratulations, Colette. Oh, yes, well, it did take a bit of lying. Evans actually just wanted to know why you weren't talking to her, and she thought you were mad at her for something and she wanted to know what and why. That was all. And Sirius Black. Oh, he loved you because of your personality, But when that changed – well, that was all he truly loved. He was partial to looks and brains, yes, but it was your personality that made him crazy over you. But now you're more than that. See – now you are part of us. We will follow the Dark Lord as he takes over the world. We will be great and we will be known. People will worship us, Colette. Congratulations." She smiles and leaves._

_"No." And this time it is Colette talking. Shakily rising to her feet, she closes her eyes._

_Scene changes._

_She rolls two glass bottles in her hand. She closes her eyes. She whispers so soft I have to strain my ears to hear her._

_"I love you, Mum, Dad, Molly, Fabian, Gideon. I love you so much, Sirius. And Lily – Lily, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I can't take this anymore. I've lost so much. Friendship, love, who I am, my morale. I'm sorry."_

_She pulls out this memory and puts the silver liquid into one of the bottles, performs a quick little charm and seals it. "That, Lily, is to prolong the memory to extend another three minutes into the future. I learn more than you think, Lily." She smiles a little, tucking the bottle into a corner on top of a bundle of letters. Then she conjures a Patronus. A sparrow. She whispers to it, and it leaps into the last bottle, silver vapour. She clutches it in her hand. Her smile has faded as she teeters on the edge._

_"Don't."_

_And I run for her, even though I know I cannot touch her._

_And my arm swipes right through her as she descends gracefully, falling from the tower. Down. Spiralling down, down, down. I crawl into a ball and bury my face. I feel the hard floor melt into the fluffy carpet of Professor Dumbledore's office._

Arms cradle me again. No doubt James'. "Maybe," I mumble. "You'll want to see that memory, Professor Dumbledore. I don't know how serious they were. But I don't like risks. What are we going to tell their parents?" I look up at Professor Dumbledore.

"I don't know, dear," he says, shaking his head and walking towards the Pensieve. "I don't know." And he is pulled into it.

…

Sirius' POV:

_Dear Sirius_

_I love you so much. I'm so sorry I changed. Now that I'm dead, please go find someone that you love and that loves you. Someone who is better than me. And I hope you will be happy. That girl will be the luckiest girl in the world._

_I love you so. I am sorry I caused you so much pain. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But._

_Remember me? Please? I love you so._

_Colette._

Colette, my sweet Colette. I will never forget you. I have nothing to forgive. I will always remember you. I will never love again.

Because I love only you.


	34. Chapter 34

**Next chapter. :3**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 34

"Hush it down? Why hush it down?" I say furiously. "This is dangerous! They used Colette to kill him! This is murder! This is murder, Professor! You can't just hush it up! I mean…" I flop back down into my chair, running a hand through my hair exasperatedly.

"Miss Evans, if it is the word of the Ministry, I advise you not to interfere. Don't worry, they will look into it."

"Look into what? How Melanie Malfoy, Renee Flint, Peggy and Jennifer Parkinson, Clara Greengrass and Bellatrix Black somehow disappeared? Untraceable? This is murder, Professor. There is no excuse for it. Please, this could be dangerous! Colette is – Colette is-" I choke on my own words and take a deep breath.

Professor Dumbledore takes a deep breath, running a hand over his temple. "Look-"

"Don't you have any control over the Ministry?!" I scream, standing up. I have never lost my temper at a professor, much less a headmaster, but this is more than I can bear. This is murder! "Can't you do anything?! You know! You know, Dumbledore, this is murder! You have to do something! Please… Please, Goddamit!" I'm kneeling on the floor, sobbing. I don't want anyone else to die. Who could be next? Me? Mum? Dad? Petunia? Rosalie? James? I can't let anyone else die. "Please! You must-you-please, Professor, you must try! You must-"

I have to stop talking, and I gulp in breaths, I have to, or I'll start crying again, and I really mustn't cry. It is healing at first, but when you cry too long, it begins to leech life from you, the warmth from your skin. "Please…"

"I'm doing all I can," Professor Dumbledore kneels down and pulls me up gently, speaking softly and sympathetically. "I swear, Lily. I believe you. I am doing my best. I promise. Here; don't cry. Go back to your dorm. Get prepared for Colette's funeral. She would not want you to mourn her death; she would want you to celebrate her life. Go." I swallow and nod, and turn for the door. I don't stop when Professor Dumbledore calls out, "Miss Evans!" But I do pause when he continues, "I do hope you realize that the play is still going on. So you should finish reading the endings, because the eleven endings will be posted tomorrow afternoon."

That makes me so angry. I wheel around on my heel, and am just about to yell at Professor Dumbledore for still thinking about the stupid play when we've lost such a precious – two – lives, but he holds out an envelope, "May I recommend this one?" I snatch at it, still mad, and he knows I'm still mad. And my eyes begin stinging again when I see the name of the author.

…

"Colette was my best friend. She was perfect in almost every aspect to me. She was kind, sweet, beautiful, smart, generous, funny, she was so much to me," my throat is catching, but I force myself to continue. "During her life, I loved her more than a sister. During her death, I will love her more than a sister also. There are no words to describe who she was to me. She was the angel in my mind, my conscience; she was the one who encouraged me to have fun… she… she was everything. I miss her so much. I should never have let her go. But then, I will never let go. She will always be in my heart, and no matter how long since I have heard her sweet voice or seen her sweet face, she is forever frozen, here, inside, to me, alive and just as perfect. The loss of her presence presents almost unbearable pain. But I will always be thankful I knew her. Her presence was golden. I will never forget Colette Prewett.

"Her Patronus was a sparrow. Sparrows signify so much. They signify innocence, freedom, trust, love, luck…

"Maybe she is physically gone, but she will never truly leave. She has left little signs of her existence, signs that are worth more than money and more than jewels and other shallow material treasures. She has left behind memories, love, happiness… She will never be forgotten. Not now, not ever.

"I will never forget Colette Prewett."

The applause I receive is outstanding, but I have no ears for it. I hurry away. The weather has done itself nicely. Rain, with a smattering of silver clouds shrouding a white sky. Colette loved sunny weather, bright sun and pearl-clouds, but only I knew her favourite weather was today itself. A light shower, cool rain, and a clear, beautiful pearl sky.

I walk steadily away from the crowd, dropping my black umbrella by the stands, where a hollow-cheeked, empty-eyed Sirius Black begins his speech. James follows me. Only Rosalie and he realizes I have left, but Rosalie apparently has decided to let James deal with me.

I walk up the school grounds' grassy hills. I tilt my face upwards, though instincts nearly force my face down, but I let the cool bliss of the water splatter across my face. I sit by a laurel hedge. It is in flower. It is Colette's favourite flower. She only ever told me once, and somehow I now remember. The flowers are small, white, with tinges of pink, middles so pale a yellow it doesn't look yellow, the darkish pink little stripes in the cup. Its petals are soft, like Colette's hair, the vibrancy bright, like Colette's eyes, the colours pure, like Colette's soul should have been.

James doesn't say anything to me, just drifts at the side as I pull fists of the laurel flowers off the hedge. I have ripped off bucket-loads, but the flowering blooms never seemed to shrink in number, they simply burst back at me, bright and fresh and everlasting. I gather all the petals in my hands, layering my long skirt with it – I was in mourning, a black silk dress, plain, empire-waist, a simple skirt to the ankles, off-shoulder, slightly puffy sleeves to the elbow. Gathering the flowers in my skirts, I stand slowly, and, gripping it firmly, I begin walking to the funeral grounds. Everyone has dispersed, but Colette's body is still flaming, the red and gold fire reaching to the high heavens, and I begin spinning wildly. My hair falls from its knot, the messy locks springing over my face, and all around me are soft pink-white petals, and a faint sweet smell in the passing breeze, and the rain falls harder, and when I finally stop, it's all a whirl of petals. The petals that have landed on Colette are bursting out in bright sparks. Petals are everywhere. I can see them everywhere, falling like snow, and there are petals caught in the seams and tucks of my dress, and in my hair, and scatter the grounds in their white snow.

It seemed so magical. The rain falls on the water-proof fire as petals burst into flames, and unintentional magic sends the flowers spiralling in the rain-wind, circling me and flinging fleur everywhere. It's a dream. My hair is soaking, clinging to my face, and my dress is too. I feel frozen, but I don't care. I feel perfect. Everything is perfect. James stands three feet away from me, and I run to him and fling my arms around him. He automatically cradles me.

"At least I still have you," I whisper.

"Always," he replies, and kisses me.

So we kiss in the rain, and I don't ever want to stop.

…

"I think the majority goes to Colette's entry," I say, scanning the lists once more.

"Goodie," James says, smiling at me and stretching. "Today is the 25th, we'll announce it and get people to come for the auditions in four days. There. Done. Finish! Voila! We can forget about it!" He yawns, still half asleep. I roll my eyes and poke him in the ribs.

"I'm going to go put some flowers on Colette's grave. You don't have to come." He's asleep before I finish the first sentence. I roll my eyes. He can wake up at four thirty in the morning for a Quidditch Practice, but not eight o' clock for me? I carefully wrap the flowers I specially prepared for Colette, and run down to the school grounds.

Colette was cremated, and her ashes were given to her parents – I remember them, Colette's family wept with me, Sirius and Amelia, Fabian's girlfriend – and her family made a gift of a handful of her precious ashes, which we buried at the foot of the West Tower.

There I lay my gift – wrapped in Gryffindor-red and gold paper is a single blood-red rose, drowning in laurel blossoms. Beside my gift, I realize is another. A pure white rosebud, not yet fully bloomed, and yet the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. It must have been from Sirius. Sure enough, when I walked back the other way round the tower, I saw Sirius' figure loitering around. Running up to him, I call, "Hey! Hi, Sirius." I stride up to him, and when he sees me, he smiles, but his eyes are still filled with sadness. "Hello, Lily. I saw what you did at the funeral. Thank you. It was magical, watching Colette's favourite flowers flying everywhere… She liked them, I never knew why. I told her they were common little flowers, and she told me it is common little acts of kindness that make the world beautiful, and that the common little flowers also make the world beautiful… I just visited Colette's grave. I supposed you did too… I miss her. Do you?" He gazes out, and draws out a long, long breath.

"Her entry for the play won," I tell him. Pride for her flickers once on his face, then he turns to me, and says, "Lily, you and I knew Rosalie very well. Maybe with Rosalie and Molly, we can make an album… to… you know. Remember her." His voice is strained, pained.

"Yes," I smile softly. "Yes, of course we can, Sirius. I miss her too."

…

The album isn't really an album. It's actually a box, made of finely carved wood, clasped with a Gryffindor-gold sparrow-shaped clasp. It's filled with scattered petals: dried red and ivory roses and pressed pink and pearl laurel blooms. Little things that remind us of Colette are strewn over the soft bed of flowers: her favourite scarf, which she wore so often; moving photographs of her when she was five days old, five weeks old, five months old, five years old, fifteen years old; the teddy bear I gave her for Christmas shrunk to the size of an apple; her favourite gloves; her favourite Gryffindor-gold and Gryffindor-red ruby earrings; a copy of all her exam results, all of them a spectacular number, especially her DADA, which was remarkably good, and I hadn't realized; the sweater Molly had knitted her for Christmas; her favourite eagle-feather quill; a stack of letters she had written me and I had written her over the summer.

Then of course, there is a photo album, holding for example the photographs of her as she grew up from a tiny baby to a beautiful teen. There were pictures of her everywhere: family photos with her parents, sister and brothers; her triumphant grin as she waves around her gymnastics trophy; her pet schnauzer snuggling in her arms; eating a triple ice cream with nuts and vanilla-sauce; her six-year-old self in a white-blue flower-girl gown with a bouquet of spider lilies; her and Sirius making snow-angels on the snow-layered floor; her tending the famous overgrown 'Molly Weasley's garden', pulling out weeds to let the late daffodils and primrose and early snowdrops bloom; her holiday in an Australian farm feeding a family of kangaroos; Diagon Alley where she bought her new things for her first year of school; us, the girls I mean, everywhere, pictures of us in school pictures of us visiting my house, her house, anywhere and everywhere, doing anything and everything, from swimming in the Nile to trekking through New Zealand.

In a pretty paper-back book, I wrote down in my best handwriting all the things anyone could think of about Colette: how she won first place three years in a row in gymnastics; how she saved, almost as though in a story, a child from a burning house; how she always got As in Music, and other things like how her favourite colour was golden-yellow, her obsession with eating s'mores when we go camping, how she hates whiny people, how she loved laurel blossoms.

Sirius, Molly, Rosalie, the other girls and I shed a good many tears over her memory.

Every day, the girls and the Marauders and I would visit Colette's grave, and usually Sirius, Rosalie and I would bring flowers. I would bring her favourite laurel, Rosalie would bring red roses, and Sirius would always bring a half-bloomed white rose.

"Why do you always bring half-blown white roses?" I remember asking, and he had replied, "Because its paleness signifies how Colette was innocent and pure and sweet, and the fact that it is not yet fully bloomed stands for how Colette should not have left so early, how she left before she should have."

As the days went on, additions were placed within the box and the pages of her album: more discovered photos of her on her eleventh birthday party; or maybe it would be the knowledge of her favourite flavour of cookie, lemon sugar; or her favourite socks. The last addition I had made was a copy of the script, including her ending.

…

_Narrator: This tells the story of two orphans, Athena and Cathryn, a story of betrayal, bravery, mistakes, truth and trust. May the story unfold, of these two friends, almost sisters, and have nothing but themselves left in this world._

_Cathryn is being dragged away by the police._

_Cathryn: Athena, you can't believe them! I didn't do it! I swear._

_Athena: Who else would have done it? It was you! My God, I was friends with a murderer! You drowned Kimberley! You drowned my little sister!_

_Cathryn: Athena, please, I swear…_

_Athen spits at Cathryn._

_Athena: Get away from me! I don't know you. You are a killer. You are a monster._

_Both leave in opposite sides of the stage._

_Scene changes._

_Judge: So, unless any of the family members of Kimberley Ink votes no, Cathryn Dates, charged for the murder of Kimberley Ink, will be hanged till dead on the 17__th__ of May._

_Cathryn(softly, stage-whisper): Athena… Please… please believe me._

_Athena(looks away): The deed is done. The doer will be undone._

_Cathryn sits back, her eyes closed._

_Cathryn: Then, all evidence is against me. Nothing I say on my part will save me. So then do what you must. There is nothing left for me._

_Athena looks up. Everyone runs backstage as she stands and walks up the stage and falls to her knees._

_Athena: Do I save her? She is almost my sister. But she killed my own blood, my own flesh. I cannot save her from her fate, from the punishment of the sins she wilfully committed. One life for another. Kimberley, who I loved with my soul and my life, lies cold beneath the ground. Why should she not pay by being the same?_

_Kimberley, dressed in white, wet, enters from misty-backdrop and falls to the floor, dead. Athena runs to her and cradles her head in her lap, and looks up._

_Athena(screams): Cathryn will pay for what she has done! She is no sister, no friend of mine anymore!_

_Athena cries over Kimberley. Mist covers them. Cathryn, hung on a rope noose, falls from the ceiling, lifeless._

_Scene changes _

_Athena stands over Cathryn's grave._

_Athena: What have I done… What have I done. I killed her. I killed Cathryn, indirectly maybe but I did kill her. What have I done?_

_Bella appears from behind gravestone, dressed in black and red, signifying the Devil._

_Bella: Oh, but Athena, it's not your fault. No one can blame you. She deserved it. Come. Come with me… We can make you forget…_

_Demons appear from behind her cloak of fire._

_Demons: Oh Athena, no one blames you. Come with us, come with us…_

_In a trance, Athena rises, and follows, and Bella smiles, her fangs revealed, and she envelopes Athena in her cape of fire._

_Scene changes_

_Athena kneels on the floor, head bowed. She stays absolutely still._

_Other 'Athena's, her memories, come rushing out, doing wrong things, evil things._

_One is smoking, taking drugs, another is bullying a defenceless child, another is stealing cash and jewels from a shop, another is bashing a tiny dog with a wooden club, and they all loom nearer her, leering, screaming, calling her name._

_Demon Athena: Oh Athena, see what you've done? You've been naughty. You've smoked, you've taken drugs, you've beat up other kids, you've stolen, you've cheated in exams, you've bullied animals, see what you've done? You are the monster! You are the monster!_

_Athena covers her ears, cowering, screaming. Rising to her feet she runs upstage but is stopped by a wire fence. She bangs against it, screaming, but nothing happens as her memories and her demons close in on her. She can't escape._

_Athena(sobbing): This is who I've become… I cannot escape. I cannot escape…_

_Suddenly all the demon Athena copies disappear. There stands Daniel, who loved Athena all the time, since her parents died violently in a car crash, since she was crying, He knew her before she had even seen Cathryn._

_Athena: Daniel…_

_She takes a step to him, and he takes a step back, shaking his head._

_Daniel: No, Athena. I can't love you anymore. I loved an Athena who was compassionate and loving and humane. I loved an Athena who cared about others, who knew what was right. You are a monster. You are not Athena. You are a monster, a monster, a monster, a monster…_

_Athena falls to her knees again, burying her face in her hands._

_Athena: No, Daniel, please… Come back…_

_Scene changes_

_Athena: I thought you were my friends…_

_Bella: No, Athena, we were just playing with you. You were entertainment, nothing more. It was fun to see you cry and whine. It was fun to watch you fall. Goodbye, Athena. Thank you for the fun… I had fun…_

_Athena: All this time… all the things you influenced me to do… You knew this would happen?_

_Bella: Yes, Athena, you were just my little puppet, you were a marionette, a toy for me to play with, to pull the strings and control, to watch in amusement. You were a puppet, Athena, but oh, you were good fun. You aren't anything to us… Did you really think we'd accept someone like you? A poor, ugly orphan, with nothing in the world, but what's already dead? You killed your only friend in the world, lost the only boy who would have you in the world, all for one silly mistake. Why would Cathryn kill Kimberely? She loved her. Because she was the one whose hands were wet, the one who was found by the lake? Stupid girl._

_Athena: You killed Kimberley._

_Bella: Did I? Yes, I did. Oh it was fun, watching her struggle, watching her scream. But what are you going to do, Athena? There is no evidence pointing to me. You have nothing to use against me, stupid girl. Oh and your dear, dear Daniel. It was so easy to convince you he didn't love you, you know. Let him die of heartbreak. Acted like you didn't care. Then you bottled up your emotions and made it worse. Stupid girl. You lost your dear Kimberley, your dear Daniel, and your dear, dear Cathryn. Thank you for the fun._

_Bella disappears. Athena staggers and leans against a wall, looking down in shock_

_Athena: How could I have been so blind in the first place? Done what she told me to? I knew it was wrong! I just wanted the pain to go away, to forget it all. I'm so sorry, Cathryn. It was all a misunderstanding… I am the monster. What have I done?_

_Athena falls to the floor._

_Cathryn (charmed to look translucent) with a rope around her throat, walks up to Athena. Athena looks up at her, a hand reaching out to touch her. Just as she grabs a handful of Cathryn's skirt, Cathryn dissolves into mist (charmed again) and Athena collapses to the floor._

_"Cathryn is dead because I let her die. Kimberley is dead because I let her out of sight. Daniel is dying of heartbreak because I trusted that murderer! God… Forgive me."_

_Scene Changes_

_Narrator: Athena then mourned for a long, long time. She had killed two people, willingly. She had sinned terribly, whether or not she had been tricked. She could not forgive herself. The only thing she could do was to do what she did to them what she did to herself._

_Athena walks in, and sits on a bed, pulling out a small bottle._

_Narrator: It is said when one harms another, it will return threefold. Athena did not know how to kill herself three times, so she killed herself once._

_Athena pulls out a single pure black pill, and swallows it, before collapsing onto the bed._

_Narrator: You can call it suicide. You can call her a crazed, demented woman. But Athena was only repaying what she had done. No one needed her in this world. The orphanage would never realize her absence. The only boy that ever loved her was dead, and so was the only girl that ever was her friend, and the only sister she ever had. She had nothing left in the world of the living, nothing left to owe in this world, so she left it._

_Pale mist clouds Athena and the bed, and when the mist clears, Athena is standing up, looking around. Then, Cathryn, Daniel and Kimberley appear. Athena kisses Kimberley and Daniel._

_Narrator: Athena, in her joy, kisses her sister and her lover, but when she sees Cathryn, she falls to her knees, her head bowed._

_Athena: Cathryn… I must ask for forgiveness I do not deserve. Please, I am sorry. I was mistaken. I see what I have done, and what I have done is terrible and unforgiveable. Please, forgive me._

_Cathryn tilts Athena's chin up._

_Cathryn: Athena, there is nothing to forgive. You are not to blame. You made a mistake. If you insist, I forgive you. You are free of burden of guilt. I will always love you. You will always be a friend._

_Athena and Cathryn embrace. Daniel and Kimberley join in._

_Narrator: And so, with Cathryn's forgiveness, Athena was freed from her dark side. One could not say she lived happily ever after, for she was no longer alive. But in her heart was a flame, and this flame was of eternal joy, and her mind was clear, her conscience clear of guilt, for she had been forgiven. That was all that mattered. None of them were stuck in the world of the living, riddled with evil hearts and darkened minds. All existed in eternal peace and purity, and of innocent joy._


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 35

"So," I begin, "these are the top three people we have that should play for each role."

It took as about an hour of arguing, agreeing and prejudice. Finally, it was all evened out. The Narrator was a very dramatic Ravenclaw Seventh-Year, Lauren Rank. Playing Kimberley was a small Hufflepuff forth-year, Grace Rush, because she was the most innocent, cute little thing who could actually act decently. Daniel was to be played by a Ravenclaw seventh year, Cole Boot, Mabel's older brother, who although isn't the best at acting, is better than the other auditions. Bella was to be played by a sixth year Slytherin, Jessica Dehavilland. Bella's minions, or demons or whatever, who don't even have to do anything apart from standing behind Bella and sneering and agreeing with Bella in the background, compose of three sixth year Slytherins who look particularly mean and I can't be bothered to remember the names of. Cathryn is to be played be Rosalie Brown herself. We'll pluck out random people to be the judge, police, etc. etc, but look right, life some smart-looking Ravenclaw to play the judge and people with similar build and hair, etc., to play the 'demons'. The real problem is Athena.

None of the auditions seem right.

We spend ages pondering over the three top possibilities, but none seem to fit, and I'm beginning to lose my temper as I discuss with James – because he helped with the creation of the play – Remus, other Prefects, Heads of Houses and Professor Dumbledore.

"Maybe," I say in a desperate attempt, "we should have Angeline Rush. Since she's Grace's older sister, they will look alike, and seemingly, good acting runs in the blood." Well, actually Grace was three times better than Angeline, but Angeline looked like the best one out of the three.

"Actually," Professor Dumbledore says pleasantly, "I was thinking of you playing Athena."

I jump, and blink at him. Did I hear him right? "Sorry, what?" I ask, and he repeats the question. "Me? Me? I can't act a whit. I don't think I'd be very suitable."

"Nonsense!" Professor Dumbledore says cheerfully. "Your mother was proud to tell me that you won several prizes before Hogwarts in acting competitions." I make a mental note to mention this to my mother. "I say you act as Athena. Though Cathryn is you, and Athena is Colette, I still think you will play Athena well."

Murmurs of assent follow, and I blush, feeling both embarrassed and kind of flattered.

"Fine, but I won't have her kissing Cole Boot in the play!" James demands, and I nod quickly. Professor Dumbledore beams, and says, "Well, then, James Potter will play Daniel! Mr. Boot was not a bad actor, but I feel James will do better, don't you think?"

And so it was settled with this score:

Narrator: Lauren R. (Ravenclaw Seventh-Year)

Athena: Lily E. (Gryffindor Fifth-Year)

Bella: Jessica D. (Slytherin Sixth-Year)

Cathryn: Rosalie B. (Gryffindor Fifth-Year)

Daniel: James P. (Gryffindor Fifth-Year)

Kimberley: Grace R. (Hufflepuff Fourth-Year)

Bella's Follower 1: Tricia A. (Slytherin Sixth-Year)

Bella's Follower 2: Portia N. (Slytherin Sixth-Year)

Bella's Follower 3: Kelly P. (Slytherin Sixth-Year)

Athena 'Demons': Nellie W., Penelope W., Jennifer B., (Hufflepuff Sixth-Year) Marge I., Elise T., (Ravenclaw Fourth-Year), Chloe F., (Gryffindor Forth-Year), Rebecca I. (Gryffindor Sixth-Year), Leah Z. (Slytherin Fourth-Year)

Judge: Marietta Clearwater (Ravenclaw Fifth-Year)

Police: John R. (Hufflepuff Fourth-Year), Peter S., Luke M., (Hufflepuff Seventh-Year), Tess M., Peg G., Tom U., (Ravenclaw Sixth-Year), Andrew K., (Ravenclaw Seventh-Year) Frank L., (Gryffindor Fifth-Year), Ken H.(Gryffindor Seventh-Year)

The teachers and several Prefects and other students will take charge of the props and the stage-spells and everything, so all I have to do is to get my idea across and man the practices. Professor Dumbledore made me very nervous by telling me about the people that have taken interest and asked to watch the show, like the Minister of Magic. The Minister of Magic! It makes me shaky. Heads of other schools, like Beauxbatons in France, also want to watch. Some other famous Witches and Wizards are also coming. I don't know why this is so popular. Of course, Professor Dumbledore offers words of encouragement and comfort, but I still have permanent butterflies in my stomach. What if I mess up?

I shake the thoughts out of my head, and hurry off to start designing the costumes with Rosalie, who knows anything about clothes under the sun, and Alice, who is also in my level Gryffindor, who is smart and artistic. She was the one who found them at the Tower with Frank Longbottom. We have practice every other day after dinner.

Apparently, I think, orphans in orphanages have uniforms, a plaid skirt with a collared shirt, or something like that. So we have a half dozen-ish number of gray-white rough cotton shirts, with a collar, plastic white buttons, and a grey tie, and dark, dull green plaid skirts, and buttoned, heeled black shoes with white stockings. These will be worn by Athena, Cathryn and Kimberley. Daniel's costume, we've decided, is a baby-blue collared shirt and plain dark jeans. Of course, we have Bella's Devil Costume, a simple black unitard, studded with fake red and white crystals and spikes, and the flowing scarlet cloak, which we will light with fake Charmed fire. Other than that, since she can't go around looking like a Devil the whole play, she has a black, off-shoulder, slutty top and a short red miniskirt. Mabel gave me that idea, and Bella's minions will be wearing that too. We have a couple of police costumes, a judge costume and a huge white wig for the judge, which sent all of us in fits of laughter just at the sight of it.

Professor Flitwick and some of his best Seventh-Years will work on the backstage Charms, etc. etc., and some other Professors and older students.

To get the size right, on the first practice, which is that night, I get everyone to try on their costumes. Several Professors run around adjusting the sizes. My size is alright, I guess, but it's a bit shapeless, though I suppose it should be: this is an orphan's uniform. I plait my hair quickly into two demure little plaits on either side of my head. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I decide I don't look innocent enough, gullible enough. Maybe we should have gotten a younger girl, with bright innocent blue eyes and cute blond hair, or something like that. My eyes look sort of fierce, and my hair looks too fiery. At least I maintain some semblance to Grace Rush, who has dark red hair, though her eyes are blue, but it will have to do. I pull the plaid skirt down a bit, since it reaches above my knees, like it's too small for me. It works well, because they have to be like hand-me-down kind of stuff. I turn around to see James sauntering over to me with a big grin, looking adorable in the blue shirt and jeans. Well, actually, he always looks adorable.

"Hi, Lily," he says, shooting me a devilish smirk. "Looking very cute today, aren't you?" He ruffles my hair. "Hey!" I protest, neatening it.

"Free on Saturday?" he asks hopefully. "It doesn't have any practice on it. And we have no more exams. We can go to Hogsmeade or something."

"But we went on a date like, last week!" I say. "We're going again? I mean, I'd love to!" I add, seeing his downcast face. "But-"

He doesn't wait. "Yay! Meet you Saturday, six o' clock, at the Great Hall, K? See you!" He hurries off. I guess I have a lot to learn about the frequency of dates. Sigh.

…

"Hey, Colette," I say, crossing my legs, smiling at the grey marble slate. "Your ending won! Isn't that great? I'm playing Athena, you know. Rosalie is taking Cathryn's role. James took Daniel's, because he refused to let me kiss another boy, even pretend-kissing. Isn't that sweet?" There's a short span of silence. "We really miss you, you know. Sirius isn't the same much anymore. He doesn't eat much and he always looks tired and sad… But he's trying really hard to carry on. I think the only way he can persist in surviving is because he knows you would want him to just carry on… A lot of people think you were selfish to just die. But it's your life, isn't it? And, you know, it's so empty, and quiet without you. It seems so different. Like, dark and empty and silent." I sigh. "James asked me on another date. I think they're way too fast. I'm really unused to it." I am at loss for words, nothing to say. "Um, I really wish you were here… You know, I never knew you were so good at DADA. The Patronus? I'd barely even heard of it before. And you could compress it and all that." Then a thought struck me. "Hey, you know, your old 'clique'? Well, they disappeared when you died! And the stupid Ministry won't allow a search! They say hush it up! Stupid, huh? I told Professor Dumbledore that this was murder, it mustn't be quietened, they have to investigate. Not that it did any good. He said they'd look into it, anyway. I wonder if they will…"

I stand up, and my eyes start stinging at the picture of her, glowing with all her radiance, on her thirteenth Christmas with all her friends, tacked onto the gravestone. I remember. James and his clique had been invited. Mrs. Weasley said that they had invited some Pureblooded families for some extra conference thing, but I think I now know why the sons came along. Because Colette had loved Sirius, and Sirius had loved Colette too. I draw my hand over my eyes, and kneel down again to arrange the flowers around her grave. In a thick wreath around the slate are tangles of laurel in bloom, knotted here and there with red roses. I left the half-blown white rose – they are replaced day after day by Sirius, and I know he presses the old ones, and when they are finished he keeps them in an envelope under his pillow – in the centre, right above where a handful of her ashes lie. I smile at it once, sadly, then get up and walk upstairs to get ready for my third – or was it fourth – date.

…

We don't do much. It isn't the best date out of all of them, though it is still so precious to me. We mainly just eat tons of ice cream and talk and tell jokes. The fun, though, is slightly subdued because of the past events, but yet it was still very enjoyable, and we managed to squeeze a smile out of Sirius. We have to climb over the closed school gates, the Marauders and what's left of the girls, because we only return at about ten thirty. We end up sprawled in the Common Room, all of us, even those not from Gryffindor, draped in sweaters though it's practically Summer, and we roast s'mores over the Common Room fire. Empty plastic bags litter the floor, and soon other Gryffindors wake up and come join our little 'party'. I don't know where they come from, but somehow marshmallows start overflowing from everywhere. The whole room is soon filled up with laughter and the smell of burning fluffy sweets. It's loud and stuffy and crowded and hot, but it's somehow comforting. I sit, at first rather stiffly before calming a bit, in James' lap, and he curls my hair around his finger as we chat to some friends. I still feel kind of embarrassed about the seating arrangement. Hey, prude alert. And it took a lot of persuading on his part for it to actually happen.

Soon, as I snuggle deeper into James' arms, the loud voices lower to a murmur, the overbearing heat soothes and the bright lights blur slightly as sleep clouds my eyes a little.

My mind is still bleary, and takes a couple of minutes to comprehend when a small voice says, "Lily Evans, please?" I glance up wearily and clumsily right myself, standing up.

One too many Butterbeers send me tumbling back into James' lap as I snatch the note from the frightened-looking Gryffindor First-Year. "Thanks," I mutter, shooing her away and ripping the paper. Mainly just a list of the preparations and arrangements for the play. I yawn widely. And that the Slytherin girl clique had been found.

The only one returned alive was Bellatrix Black, who seemed to have a cleared memory. The rest were nothing but bodies.

The note wanted me, Sirius and Rosalie there at once, but I decide to tell James and Remus too. We decide to take a quick five minute toilette, since we're a mess right now with dark-ringed eyes and Butterbeer-candy-marshmallow breath. I clean myself up and meet the rest at the Portrait of the Fat Lady. Together we hurriedly slip on our school robes and slip away from the noise and creep up to Professor Dumbledore's office. The password, according to the slip of paper, is Chocolate Frog.

When we enter, there is Professor Dumbledore, the four Heads of House, the Minister of Magic himself and a couple of his assistants, as well as a dark-haired, wide-eyed girl and half a dozen corpses with a bunch of weepy parents.

"Mr. Black, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, Miss Brown, Mr. Lupin," Professor Dumbledore greets us gravely, glancing up with serious blue eyes. "We had located the bodies of Miss Parkinson, Miss Parkinson, Miss Greengrass, Miss Malfoy and Miss Flint as well as Miss Black. Miss Black, the only survivor, seems to have had her memory cleared. Her parents also know nothing of it. They have been tested on Veritaserum. I'm sure you all know what that is. Miss Black seems to know nothing of anything, and I have also checked through her memories. All innocent. I am afraid we are left clueless."

I am half-listening, trying not to throw up at the sight of the dead corpses.

"That is all, I think, my dears," Professor Dumbledore says quietly. "I will inform you more on this when the Minister and I have talked. It is late; it's nearly two. I was quite surprised to find a Gryffindor First-Year to carry the message. Good night, my dears."

He dismisses us quickly. I had expected him to disperse more knowledge on this matter, but I suppose he has his reasons.

But when I leave, I catch Bellatrix Black's eyes. Dark, evil, bright, laughing. Taunting, mocking me. Yet angry. They hold knowledge, remembrance in the dark orbs. They express knowledge where the lips are emotionless. I know. I'm certain. She knows. She remembers.

She lied even on Veritaserum.

But how?


	36. Chapter 36

**OKAYYYYY Chapter 36 has arrived**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 36

"Ha! HA!" I snort almost manically as I basically stampede into the Common Room, scattering fearful first-years away from me. "Oh, very smart, very smart, pay 'em half a fortune and they're hanging on your finger!" I cackle, stomping around in a rage. "Yes, Professor Dumbledore, I can see that!"

"He didn't say that," James protests, following me to my favourite chair as I wedge myself into it.

"He did," I scowl, taking a gulp of Coke. My parents send me a few every now and again because it's a Muggle drink, and when I'm desperate I grab one. I have a bad sweet tooth for soft drinks. "In a sophisticated way."

James gives me a look, and snatches away my Coke. "Hey!" I protest.

"That's the fourth one you've had today!" James retorts, and I sulk.

"I'm dealing with a friend's death, here, and worrying about the murderer, and a play and a moody boyfriend's best mate who is moodying over my dead best friend!" I snarl. "And I'm PMSing. It's starting soon." James blushes at the mention of it. Boys get really squeamish around that subject, eh? "I can't believe it though. Just because you're pureblood and rich doesn't mean you can give the Ministry a dragon's horde of gold and tell them to forget about the murder. Like I have said so many times, it is murder! Killing! A life lost. And they say forget it. Completely. Not even keeping an eye out. Like, zip, never happened! That's not even possible. I can't believe it." I grab my Coke back and am about to guzzle down another mouthful when James snatches it away again, tosses it into the air and with a wave of his wand makes it disappear. I pout as he leans in, placing both hands on either arm of the chair, effectively trapping me. Not that I minded that much.

"Look, Lily darling, just stop worrying, okay? I don't like it when you're worried. It scares me. And also you get all grumpy and moody and you keep fretting and frowning. Even Scarlet is beginning to get less frisky!"

"That's what happens when a kitten turns into a cat," I point out, an eyebrow arched, but he ignores it and continues.

"This cult-master guy can be that big anyway. We've never heard of him before, so can he be that great? Nooo, no, not at all. And don't tell me he convinced fifteen-year-olds to kill. You know that Slytherin girl clique is just a bunch of ignorant brats who only care about themselves. Other people, even their lives, don't matter to them, right? I'm not saying this is acceptable, but I mean, no need to overreact, sweetheart. I know it's murder, dear, but face it, it's over. There is nothing we can do about it, okay?"

I look down because it's easier to look there than anywhere else. "I'm just worried. It could happen again," I persist, arguing with the right arm of my chair.

I don't look up but I hear the sigh.

"Lily darling, look, okay, this is probably a one-go. A few killings and BAM- gone forever. Nothing to worry your pretty head about." I shoot him a look, not entirely convinced. "Hey, even if they didn't, it would be pretty hard to find this guy. We have no clues about him. Everyone who knew about them is either dead or has had her memory wiped. And don't tell me they could be lying, they were on Veritaserum. Veritaserum! You know it's very strong. They probably use a lot of it too. Professor Dumbledore takes his students very seriously, you know? We are clueless. We have, even with the help of Dementors and blah blah blah, very little chance of finding him. It's just too scant."

I hadn't told him about Bellatrix. I didn't want to at first, because even though I was very sure of it, what if I got it wrong? Also, how do I prove it? I have no hard evidence, nothing but belief, a catch of the eye and a gut feeling. Even as I ponder over this, James continues.

And think about, Lily. You aren't the worst faring off about the Slytherins' deaths. Think about their parents, love. They gave up their own daughters, as though they were vapours of mist that would disappear with the wave of a hand, as though they were wisps of dreams that never existed. For the sake of maintaining order in the Magical Realm – gosh, that sounded so retarded – they sacrificed their own daughters. They sacrificed the satisfaction of served justice for society. It must have been so hard on them. Right? Your parents would probably never do it, or mine. It probably tore them apart… It must have really hurt."

I almost snort. Yeah. They gave them up so their family names wouldn't be disgraced! They were willing to give up their-

They were in it too. The parents. Why? This cult. It was bigger than I originally thought. Even adults were involved. Important, rich, pureblood families. They were all involved. So… Were they really dead?

"Lily… Lily, are you listening there?" James' voice was punctuated by sharp snaps. I blink. Huge, bright eyes and rapidly snapping fingers nearly send me cross-eyed as he leans in close. I blink again, just managing to restrain myself from instinctively jumping and wacking my forehead against James'.

"Yeah. Okay. I hear," I mumble, wanting nothing more than to think this over. "Can I have my Coke back now, please?"

…

"Deep breath, Lily," James says, alarmed as I feel my entire face warms up and I viciously bite my lip. I obey James' instruction, though, and my simmering anger lowers a notch. The frustration is killing me! Nobody is taking this seriously! I mean, this is only our, what, first, second practice? Half of them didn't learn their scripts. The other half didn't turn up. Easy for him to say. He isn't in charge. He won't have to face the music if we all screw up.

I mean, there are so many problems right now. My actors and actresses need to learn to memorise their lines. They need to learn to arrive on time. They need to learn how to speak louder. They need to learn how to be serious. They need to learn how to be dramatic. They need to learn to convey the message. They need to learn NOT TO LAUGH AT THE DRAMATIC PARTS, for God's sake! I mean, I understand if they try to stifle a giggle at all the 'falls on her knees and weeps like a baby' parts, but they are literally rolling off the stage! And this actually COULD have happened! No kidding! Well, minus all the little demon Colette people running about, I guess. And it's much worse because she actually purposefully took out her wand and went _Aveda Kedevra_ and – ba-boom – killed someone.

"Guys! From the top!" I yell at the chaos I dare call my 'crew and cast'. They moan and get back to the first position, and the narrator, Lauren something, complains about how someone tore her script, and then someone accidentally sets fire to the curtains and then I find one of the cast having a nap in the backroom. I am positively screaming by the end of practice.

I HATE acting. And I hate directing more.

This sucks.

I feel like giving up. But I can't. Urgh. My life sucks.

…

Breakfast finds me with dark circles around my eyes, a permanent pout set upon my lips, and a fresh-drawn curiosity on Bellatrix Black. She seems slightly stressed, and she is alone. Well, of course, her former clique are dead, or so it seems.

Her eyes catch mine. Dark, playful, malicious, angry, dangerous, evil. But that is only a moment's glimpse, for then it is craftily concealed behind curious innocence. And I must admit, when she opens her eyes innocuously sweet and wide, her dark curls combed back, her lips parted slightly, she looks like an epitome of innocent beauty. Note: Looks like one, not is.

She's been playing her innocence role well. I have a feeling that no one else has noticed what I have. I wonder what Colette would tell me if she were here.

James falls with a thump next to me. "Nervous?" I ask. It is after all the last Quidditch competition, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw. Gryffindor needs to beat Ravenclaw in this one last match in order to clinch the House-Cup, so you can see how important this is to Gryffindor, especially the people in the team like James.

"Yep," he says hollowly, glaring with stressed finality at the bacon and eggs I had created in a smiley face on his plate, determinedly picking up his fork, taking a bite and swallowing before giving up. A frown presses my brow. I don't understand why he can't just eat, for Merlin's sake, I mean, he needs his strength.

I force him – okay, more like coax and bribe – into finishing a glass of orange juice and a crumbly biscuit because he'll less likely feel sick with something like that. It's almost time for him to leave and change, so I give him a hug, burying my face in his chest and feeling little Scarlet twine around our legs, mewling sweetly for attention. I scoop her up and when I straighten up James is hugging me from behind, and I just lean back, cuddling Scarlet. I close my eyes. This year has been really quite dramatic. Finally James is dragged away by Sirius, and I sit back down, stroking Scarlet softly with one hand, the other hand grasping a goblet of pumpkin juice. I'll go down to the fields in about five minutes for the match.

And meanwhile, I observe Bellatrix, and wonder what she is hiding.


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi again :3 I'm so bored. I don't know what to do with this story till I hit the next section I want to write... I may have a time skip after a few chapters.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 37

I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

I tilt my chin back and stretch my legs, yawning. I glance at my clock. Three o' clock. I remove myself silently from my bed, which is the closest to the window. Pulling off my nightdress which conceals a turquoise T-Shirt and denim shorts since it's summer, I pull on a long jacket-coat sort of thing which Rosalie had given me once upon a time for my birthday or something. It's some kind of soft, stretchy black material hemmed with square turquoise stones. Anyway, I slip on a pair of thin purple socks and of dull green and black converse.

I glance around and step softly. Scarlet stretches, but I shush her, and her intelligent little mind translates my meaning. She casts me a suspicious glance but obediently curls back up in her basket, and blinks close her beautiful eyes.

I am careful not wake Rosalie, whose bed lies opposite mine, and I am careful not to wake Colette, whose bed is next to mi- no. Colette is not there. It hits me again, but I brush it off. What's past, is past, and I can no longer cry over something I cannot change.

I bite my lip and hurry towards the door quietly. Like the stupid clumsy idiot I am, I trip over Alice's – who sleeps near the door – trunk, making a racket as I bang my shin and fall to the ground, a hiss escaping me, and a pile of books that was next to the trunk to fall, creating a thunderous noise that I'm sure could wake the entire castle. Amazingly, however, no one stirs.

Then from downstairs in the Gryffindor Common Room, I hear a shuffling. I glance around, but everyone is in bed. Who could it be? Alarmed, I glance at the door. It couldn't be a rat, it's too loud. Maybe it is someone's pet cat? No one here has a cat. Maybe it is one of the boys? I would have thought it was James, making his way to the location of our rendezvous by the Black Lake, but he said not to come down before three, because he was preparing something. And it is five past three, so I don't think it can really be him.

I grab my wand which is sticking in the back-pocket of my shorts. It is probably just one of the boys, but just as a precaution, I hold my wand tightly in my hand and quickly but quietly, hoping I wouldn't fall or make a noise, ran down the stairs, closing the door softly behind me.

Once in the Common Room, I glance around. No one. It's dark, so I murmur, "_Lumos_." A soft white light strengthens on the tip of my wand, and I feel movement behind me. Turning swiftly, I am met with darkness. "_Lumos Maxima_," I urge my wand, the light growing, and yet I am met with nothing. I feel as though eyes are watching me darkly, dangerous, so I jerk my wand a little, allowing the ball of light to drift off and illuminate my path, leaving my wand free to cast any defensive spell I may need. I swoop around armchairs, crawl past shelves. Nothing. I glance at my watch. Half past three. I decide to just leave. James said be there at around quarter past three. I just leave the Common Room and run down. Prefect rounds ended long ago, so no one will probably be around.

I'm halfway down the stairs when I realize that I had forgotten to tidy Alice's books because I had heard the strange noise in the Common Room. I glance at my watch. If I run, I'll probably manage to clear it up and be down by the lake by three thirty-five.

I rush up the stairs and run up to the Portrait. "Um, uh, Terrapin," I say, and the Fat Lady opens the Poitrait. Glancing at the expression on her face, she appears to want to say something but decides against it. I brush it off. Probably just her deciding not to tell me off for coming out of the dorm. Hey, I could use the Fat Lady as a way to find out if students creep out of bed at night. Don't look at me like that, I'm a Prefect. A great hypocrite of a Prefect, that is.

I zip up to the girl's dorm and reach out for the books. Moonlight streaming in from the window helps my decision in deciding that my wand wasn't needed. I quickly grab the books, and stack them neatly together.

Whipping around to run for the door in order not to be late, I am met with dark eyes, and the eyes consume me, the darkness enveloping me.

…

James' POV:

I fidget nervously. Three ten. Casting one last glance at my work, I scamper up the tallest willow tree, the same tree Lily always loved to sit under while she talks with her friends.

I had chosen this tree not only because Lily had used to sit at the base of it, but also because of the broad branches and heavy shelter it provided. It minimizes the amount of Charming I have to perform. Picking the perfect nook, I had broadened the branch, creating a huge, wide, thick bough, magically carved into a smooth seat with a low back, two feet wide. The trunk and branches were magically carved with leaping figures of tulips and poppies, birds and squirrels, butterflies and dragonflies. An off-white, fluffy quilt shrouds the branch-seat, embroidered with cream-coloured reeds. Lit candles grow from nicks in the branches like mushrooms, and soft, blue-rimmed white lights hover around softly. I have magically thickened the willow leaves to form a veil, hiding the secret place I have created for us. I have charmed the willow tree to grow roses of pale-pink, wine-red and sulphur-yellow.

Scattered around the base of the tree I have sprinkled pure snow-white rose petals. Up the trunk are steps that lead upwards so Lily can climb easily. I know she won't wear a heavy puffy skirt like the preppy Pureblood girls I used to be forced to date, or a tight tiny skirt like the sluts I was also forced to date.

The party which we held in celebration of the triumphant Quidditch match lasted till about one, so I needed a couple of hours for all the Charming and getting ready, so I told Lily to come at about quarter past three. I wonder if about four hours are enough for us together.

Back up on the tree, I perch on a wide branch above the seat, by a small dent in the trunk, hidden by a curtain of moss. Inside I have kept a long-stalked dark red rose, a couple of bottles of drink, a few cans of her favourite Muggle drink – coke, was it? – ice cream – it's a comfort food, she's kind of stressed – and two long spoons and glasses. Lily taught me how to make a 'Coke-Float'. I'm supposed to pour some Coke into a glass then scoop some ice cream into it. The Coke sort of scared me at first – don't tell – because it just fizzed up and I thought it was going to explode. Don't laugh. Either way, I asked help from the House-Elves in the kitchen, and they were only too pleased to help me carry back the towering glass. It must be about two feet tall, filled to the brim and layered with foamy vanilla ice-cream. It has a weird little red umbrella, and sterilized red hibiscuses. Tropical Muggles have such funny taste.

Besides this, I also have a small woven basket filled with multi-coloured petals. I will Charm them to fall onto Lily when she climbs up. I cross my legs and neaten my pale-blue shirt and jeans. Glancing at my watch, it says quarter past three. So I wait.

The minute hand hits 30. And I am still waiting.

_That's strange. She is usually never late. Never mind. Maybe there is some kind of trouble._

The minutes hand hits 60. It is four o' clock.

_Maybe her watch broke or something. She'd never leave me hanging like this._

The minute hand hits 30 again.

_Maybe she accidentally fell asleep. But I'm sure Scarlet will wake her. She's a smart kitty._

The hand hits 60 a second time.

_I don't know how much longer I can wait this out._

_I wonder what's wrong._


	38. Chapter 38

**Ah, sorry it's late. I'm really busy lately.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

Chapter 38

I sit at the Gryffindor table, impatiently tapping the table with my nails. I'm sort of disappointed in Lily. I can't believe she left me there just waiting for her till morning. I yawn. I stayed up the entire night, waiting for her. I had to clear up the unused decorations and everything I had prepared, and then run back to get my school robes. None of the girls were up yet, so I just came down first and poured myself a bowl of cereal.

From the corner of my eye, I see Rosalie running towards me, her blond hair messily flying everywhere. Weird. Usually Rosalie never lets herself be seen without perfect hair. She looks damn worried too. She reaches me in record time, and in between pants, she asks, "Hey, have you seen Lily?"

"What? No. Isn't she with you?" I ask, frowning.

"No, she's missing. Her bed was unmade and she was just gone. She's disappeared. I don't know where she is. I thought she was with you?" Rosalie is breathes heavily as she straightens and shoots me a quizzical glance. "Okay. I'm going to go check the girl's toilets."

"Yeah. I'll check the school halls," I say, standing up and abandoning my cereal. Sirius comes up and offers to check the library and grounds with Remus. Peter is still asleep. The rest of the girls check empty classrooms and every once in a while the dorms.

Panic erupts within me as I struggle to keep a calm poise. Lily is missing? Merlin, how much drama can one year possibly hold? But more important is the question: why is Lily missing? And where is she? I sprint out of the Great Hall, and I begin jogging through all the Halls.

I've run through every hall in all seven levels, and still no Lily in sight. Worry grows and strengthens in me as I cast one final glance around before running back down to the Great Hall. Shit. Shit. SHIT. Where is Lily? I wonder if she is alright? I begin to hyperventilate as I sprint back to the Great Hall.

There is a small crowd back at the Great Hall, consisting of the Marauders and the girls, and right in the centre, looking slightly bedraggled, tired and surprised, is Lily. Shoving my way through my mates, I breathe heavily from my sprint as I glower at Lily. Why did she make me so worried? And why isn't she wearing her school robes? She's wearing a turquoise shirt and denim shorts, and a funny black stone-studded coat-like-thing, leaves strewn in her red hair, twigs caught in threads over her clothes, scratches lightly drawn over her flawless skin. Mud is skimmed on her shoes and streaked across her face. She looks exhausted, and frankly just plain bemused. Her eyes are ringed with darkness, and she tiredly brushes away her friends, as she sits down and turns to smile at me. "Hi, James."

Sirius drags me away before I can open my mouth in indignation. "Rosalie found her sleeping in the bushes, dressed like that. When she woke her, she looked really exhausted, and said she couldn't remember anything that had happened the whole night. She guesses she must have sleep-walked." I glance over at her. Rosalie is fussing over her, helping her with the simplest of tasks, like pouring sugar into her porridge or pouring her some pumpkin juice. Rosalie looks very worried, stroking her tangled hair softly and speaking quietly to her. I'm pretty worried too. Lily is just accepting the coddling, yawning and slowly eating. Usually she'd tell Rosalie she was alright. She must be really exhausted. Almost like her brain had been addled.

"Sleep-walked?" I mutter, unconvinced. I continue watching as Rosalie guides a rather slow-minded Lily back up to the dorms for a quick wash-up before first class in about twenty minutes. "Strange." And for some reason, I feel eyes watching me.

…

Lily's POV:

I ache all over. At first I thought it had been the uncomfortable position I was curled up in the laurel, but now they are sharp, aching jerks, like pain left over from a greater anguish. I feel as though I've been severely beaten, or something. It's difficult to move quickly, and I also feel extremely sleepy and a little dazed.

I visit the Hospital Wing, but Madame Pomfrey was attending to a Quidditch victim so she just suggests a pain-relieving potion, so she jerks her thumb at the medical cupboard for simpler potions, where I find myself a small bottle of purple liquid labelled 'Pain-Killer'. I sniff it and it doesn't smell so bad. I carefully take a measured gulp by Madame's instruction, and it's way more potent than it looks, and way grosser than it smells.

I place the rest in my pocket, gasping for air as the burning sensation fades a notch, and the aches all over my body eases slightly. I thank her and run off for my next class.

Class is torture today, because my mind just feels so hazy I have to scribble my notes almost to the point of illegibility so I have it pinned down on paper before I forget what the Professor has said. My mind wanders too, so some of my spell work has become disasters. My sock turned into miniature rabbit instead of changing material. My Cheering Charm was too strong, leaving James, my partner, giggling like a schoolgirl for ten minutes. It also leaves me in quiet, hysterical giggles, and I make another trip to Madame Pomfrey's for a calming spell. She thinks part of the spell may have backfired on me.

When I sit down for dinner, I mix honey into my pain-relieving potion – I checked with Madame Pomfrey whether it was okay. That was a big mistake. The once slightly bitter potion with a biting edge that burned in my throat is now sickeningly sweet, and when mixed I tastes like a gooey mesh of something I don't want to describe. I realize the best way to deal with this is to mix it with water to dilute it to a hazy purple-dusted liquid and plonk some ice-cream in it. It doesn't do anything to the potion, so it's alright. The potion gives the vanilla ice cream a slight bitter taste, but it is interesting. So I mix a tablespoon – Madame Pomfrey's prescription – into the warm water and put in the ice cream, stirring it all up into a faintly purple mixture, which tastes better and more interesting than it really looks.

I feel extraordinarily tired, and a pounding headache, so I kiss James goodnight, wave at Rosalie and hop out of the hall, beaming and humming. Despite my sleepiness and the headache, I feel strangely light and happy and I absentmindedly skip to the dorms, singing Christmas carols. Somewhere behind the blind and unexplainable happiness there is doubt and there is fear, but it is a horrible feeling, so I push it far, far away and bound up the stairs, yawning into my mouth.

James POV:

My eyes follow Lily out of the Hall. I mean, I'm happy when she's happy, but she's so… eerily happy. She's been acting strange the whole day. Maybe she fell while she was sleep-walking. If she even was sleep-walking. My suspicion grows on a certain Slytherin. I bend my head so my mouth accepts a spoonful of fried fish, and while I chew, staring at the glass of my goblet, I just reminiscence the Cheering Charm and half-blush in the embarrassment at the recollection of being a giggly boy. At least it made me forget a second.

When I look up, however, I notice a certain place at the Slytherin table is empty, when it was full a minute before.

I stand and run for the Gryffindor Dorms.


	39. Chapter 39

**Sorry, they're going to come in quite slowly till about October or so... Well, I hope you still enjoy the story :3**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 39

I wake in cold sweat – except I was not sweating. But I overlooked that fact as my stomach lurched painfully. It was eleven o' clock. I think the girls came up after I went to sleep, and Rosalie and the others sleep peacefully. My stomach pangs again, and a disgusting-tasting heat fills the back of my throat. I scramble out of bed hastily, then sit back down as heat crawls down the strip between my shoulder-blades and the back of my neck. I feel terrible. Curling into a ball, I wait for the nausea and stomach-pain to subside. My eyes are painful.

I totter to the bathroom and throw up into the toilet bowl. Grabbing handfuls of toilet paper, I clean myself and the bathroom up. I feel a bit better after that, and crawl to the sink, almost literally on my hands and knees. Pulling myself up, I let the tap run and I splash some cool water on my face, breathing deeply. Glancing at my reflection, it seems to blur and waver. I squint a little harder, but it still blurs and I have trouble seeing the dark patches that inhabit my face, are supposedly my eyes, framed by limp red smudges, supposedly my hair.

I rub my eyes. They feel itchy, so I rinse my face again. The toilet cubicle must have been really dusty. Stumbling back to my room, I pour myself a glass of water, though it does little to help the dusty throat in my mouth despite the earlier disposal of slime.

Sitting back in my bed, I bring along my cup and use my wand to refill the cup over and over again, and yet my throat is only comforted a little by the gallons of water, until my stomach can take no more.

I decide to just try to get some sleep. I have difficulty dropping off, my mind wandering to the reason of my discomfort. I decide on food-poisoning, perhaps, and finally a drop off into a troubled sleep.

…

Scarlet is shrinking away from me, adding to the long list of strange realizations this morning, including facts like how my body is aching all over with a new sharp pain. Also, I feel exhausted despite sleeping at like, 9.30 and waking at 7-ish. I only remember my indigestion and nothing else.

Also, my eyes are still itchy and my mouth still dry. My tongue also feels like it has swelled. My sight is manageable though still blurry.

But I have no time to worry about my trivial physical problems. It is probably just the food-poisoning thing. I have troubles peeing too – that just adds to the reason! Anyway, I have to focus right now on the play… It is about 2 or 3 weeks to the actual play and there are many parts we have not yet rehearsed properly. Nor have we finished with the stage-charm details. I sigh. I try to ignore my pounding headache as I drag my comb through my hair, borrow some kind of powdery-paste thing of Rosalie's to erase the dark bags under my eyes and run down to join my friends at Breakfast.

When I see the fried eggs and bacon and sugared porridge, though, I feel a wave of nausea overcome me, and lights flash before my eyes. I blink twice, and everything returns to normal. Even the nausea disappears. I sigh and sit down to begin breakfast, and my headache begs me to take a hot chocolate instead of my usual iced pumpkin juice or water. I sit with the Marauders and the girls, and we chat and laugh a bit. I try to look interested and bright and happy and wide awake, but on the inside, I feel restless and sleepy, and for a moment, my head lolls and I almost spill the steaming cocoa beverage onto myself.

"Are you okay, darling?" James asks concernedly, putting an arm around me, and I smile at the comforting warmth he emanates.

"Yeah, I'm okay, James, thanks though. I just feel sort of sleepy and tired and you know, I had some indigestion and stomachache last night, yeah, and uh, I think it was food poisoning, did you feel ill too? And also I think…" I hear myself rambling off, jumping somehow from the topic of indigestion to the uses of caffeine and then to whether Professor McGonnagal will be mad at James for letting off fireworks on the school grounds and Colette's grave. Even as I feel my voice trail off for minutes, my mind wanders before I feel confusion because my speech is so garbled and I can't seem to control my thoughts without feeling restless. I take a few calming deep breaths to prevent myself from getting agitated. I groan and decide to give Madame Pomfrey a visit after class. Not that we're really doing anything in class anyway since the exams are over. Professor Flitwick is just going to teach us a bunch of fun charms we can use as pranks or just to create pretty decorations and stuff like that anyway. Maybe I can go during Charms. But what if I miss something fun? And anyway, that would leave an empty seat in the classroom and that would looks sad and lonely and…

I shake my head as my mind wanders excessively. Maybe I'm having insomnia or nightmares or something and am having trouble sleeping. I should take afternoon naps or something. Hm.

When Charms is over, I wander over to the Hospital Wing and when I first reach there, I forget what I have come for, but quickly remember at a stab of pain in my stomach.

"Just a moment, dear," Madame Pomfrey says, hurrying around a boy who accidentally cursed himself. I smile, and place a hand on my forehead, the throbbing pain getting stronger as I stare at the brilliant reflection of the lights on the tiled floor. My mouth feels a bit dry so I help myself to a pitcher of water, and as I raise the pitcher I see my reflection in thrown hints of pale colours. I observe my eyes closer, leaning in a little. My pupils seem to have dilated. Is that a symptom of lack of sleep of uncomfortable sleeping? Probably.

So is this dratted eye vision. Everything is slightly blurred at the edges.

"So, what's wrong now, Miss Evans?" Madame Pomfrey asks, bustling over and placing a hand on my back. "Headaches, again?"

"Well," I confess. "That, yes, as well as some other stuff. I seem unable to have a good nights' rest. I sleep in comfort but when I wake I feel exhausted and achey. My eyes are red and itchy, and I think a bit dilated… I am also having some stomach pains, dizziness, and I'm also experiencing some uh, constipation. Of peeing? My vision seems slightly blurred and I keep having a dry throat but no urge to drink… I'm not sure if it all just came on coincidence or something, like maybe I have food poisoning for something. Or something?"

"Hmm," Madame Pomfrey purses her lips. "Let me take a blood sample…" She casts a couple of cleaning and aesthetic spells before slipping in a huge needle and drawing a little blood.

"Sit here a moment, please, dear," she says, waving a hand at an empty bed and I take a seat.

I fidget with my sleeve for a moment, my restless mind wandering. Each time I blink, it seems as though the darkness lasts a moment longer than I expected, and soon the hazy darkness lasts the entire time, and my mind numbly recalls a pair of dark eyes…


	40. Chapter 40

**I'm so sorry, I'm really busy lately, so updates will be really slow. I hope you don't mind :'(**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 40

Lily's hand is clammy in mine as I grip her fingers. Brushing my curly hair out of my face, I whisper to her," It's okay, Lils. We know you'll wake up. Come on." I grasp her hand harder.

I hear footsteps and I look up to see James and Sirius making their way towards me. "Hey."

"Hi. How's Lily?" James asks anxiously, plopping down in an empty chair.

"Madame Pomfrey says she'll wake any time from now."

He nods and gazes down at Lily again. The tense anxiety almost forms an aura around him as he bites his lip. His eyes search her face worriedly, and she does not stir.

"Maybe we should give him some time," Sirius says quietly. I nod and stand, slowly prying Lily's fingers, which have somehow gripped mine, I leave her hand on the sheets and follow Sirius out. Behind me, I can feel James place his forehead on the blankets, and I can hear him whispering, "Please wake up, Lily. Please."

I meet Marietta along the corridor. "Hi, Mary."

"How's Lily?" she asks.

"Not yet, but soon, I think. Where are Lu and Andromeda?" I reply. Just before she replies, a black figure approaches the Hospital Wing door. Our conversation is cut short as we eye Severus Snape pause a moment, before entering. We exchange looks. Creeping along, we follow Snape, and cautiously glance through the door. He is walking up to Lily's bed, his robes bellowing behind him. Mary and I slip through the door and behind a set of bed-curtains. The two boys have not yet seen us, and yet we seem them clearly, and we can hear their conversation.

"Potter."

"What do you want, Snivellus?"

"I just wanted to know how Lily was."

"Oh? Do you really? You don't even care about her. You betrayed her. You're no friend of hers any longer. Your group meant more to you than the girl that always stood by your side!" James is saying bitterly. "You are an unbelievable jerk."

There is a silence, before Snape said, "I just wanted to know if she's okay. I never meant… I never meant to hurt her. I… I kept meaning to say sorry. But."

"But what? But what, huh?" James stood up, his voice angry. "You are a coward! You are a coward! You only care about yourself! You've never cared about anyone else!" His voice get louder and louder. "YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT HER. You are a measly, selfish, coward! You never stood by her! You never cared! You use her! She would defend you, and care about you, and help you and she stood by you, and what did you do? You hurt her! You hurt her! You chose the friends who got you into trouble so many times over her! You are a selfish coward. You were scared! Scared of being rejected!"

"I am not a coward! It is not the way of a Slytherin!" he spits back. "I care for Lily! I care for her! I know she stood by me. I know she sacrificed a lot for me! Everything I do is for a reason! I just wanted to… wanted to… It's not the way of a Slytherin. Our friendship wouldn't have lasted anyway. A girl from Gryffindor, and a boy from Slytherin. It would never have lasted. And a Slytherin does not make friends with Gryffindors. Slytherin is where I belong. I follow the unspoken rules of Slytherin such as a Gryffindor would not understand."

"That is where you are a coward!" James yells. "If you were brave, you would have been able to choose your own path! Lily would always have been willing to be friends with you! But instead you shook her off! You brushed her away! If you were not a coward, you would have stood up against them! You would have stood up for yourself! For Lily! Friendship is stronger than House, Snape."

And there is a silence. "I know."

"You… you do?" James asks, stunned. "Then. Then why-"

"Why else do you think I came? Even a Slytherin can regret. It is the way of a Slytherin not to be friends with a Gryffindor. It is the way. But even a Slytherin can regret. I came to see how she was. And to leave her a gift. But I didn't expect you to be here."

"A gift?"

Snape shows him something. It's white lily, bound in green ribbon. I know he gives Lily a lily on Christmas and her birthday every year. A measly present, but it seemed to hold a lot of meaning. Lily cherished them.

Attached to the green ribbon is a note. James reaches out his hand, then pauses and say, "May I… may I read what you have written?"

Snape hesitates a second, then nods slowly. James pulls the slip of paper out and unrolls it. The expression on his face as he scans the paper is nigh indescribable. A mix of confusion, with hints of pain thrown in, and several other unnamed emotions. Mary and I exchanged looks, clueless about what he had seen.

"I see." That was James, speaking slowly in an almost strangled voice. "I see." He rolls back the paper and fixes it neatly back into the ribbon's clasp. He places the lily onto the table, and for a moment all is silent. The waning restraint on my curiosity at the written words within the paper nearly snaps, but they begin speaking again.

"You had better make sure she is happy, though, Potter," Snape says quietly.

James looks up. "I… I will."

"I wish you all the happiness in the world, then," he speaks once more, and glances at Lily with dark eyes, and turns with a swish of black material to make his departure. "Wait." James looks up. "Do you know anything about Lily's, uh, state? Anything information, any at all would be valuable. Priceless."

Snape stops in his track, and turns slowly. "No… The school. The school was told she accidentally swallowed a Sleep Potion. So… So that was a lie? What happened to her? What happened, damn it!" He strides quickly up to James. "What happened? I know a lot of Lily's happenings are lies, but this is the first one I didn't realise."

"We don't know," James mutters, shaking his head. "We don't know. But, I have, a theory, I think. Just. Hear me out, first, okay? I'm only telling you this because of Lily and because you are Slytherin. I have this theory that… Okay, I'm assuming you know what really happened to the Slytherin girls."

Snape nods. "The Dark Lord killed them."

Well, I wonder how he found out. Kind of. It's kind of obvious. He knows Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, and Narcissa is Bellatrix Black's sister… And they are all in the pureblood circle.

"Well, I kind of have this theory that Black hasn't really forgotten anything. It's all a ruse, a very clever trick, and she's doing something to Lily. Of course, Madame Pomfrey and the Professors are baffled. The only person I told was Professor Dumbledore. He told me not to be too quick to jump to conclusions, accuse people. But I noted he didn't say anything negative about the theory itself. Do you know anything about Black? Like, does she disappear at night or something?"

Snape's eyes glint with some essence of fear and realization. "Black? Bellatrix Black?" he gapes. James lifts an eyebrow high. "Two nights before. I saw her holding something white and round in her hands that night. I was returning from the bathroom when I heard someone, so I immediately hid. I saw her creep out of the Slytherin Common Room holding it. She didn't see me though she was glancing around very suspiciously. I thought she needed to go to the bathroom and knew that like me she wasn't supposed to be out of dorms. So I didn't follow her. That's bad, isn't it. That's bad."

"And the little white things in her hands. Those were the pills. Snape, we got to go tell Dumbledore!" James stands up, his voice packed with anxiety and urge as he grabs Snape's arm.

"Pills? What pills?"

"I'll tell you later! We got to go now, Snape!" James drags Snape off without batting an eye, leaving little Lily there fast asleep in her coma, forgetting completely that she will wake in about ten minutes or so.

Meanwhile, once they are out of sight, we run over to Lily's bed, and read Snape's note.

…

Lily's POV:

Heavy breathing, each inhalation a sharp stab of pain, each exhale closer to death. Pale gold-red lights dancing across darkness, and nothing else but exhaustion and voices as they weave in and out of thoughtless dreams. Words, unintelligible, words I cannot distinguish or focus enough to understand. Pale understanding and faint recognition blinks in my mind before I forget what I was thinking of, and forget that there is something I have forgotten.

_Silence ripped by heartless laughter. Faces. Jeering faces._

Opening my eyes as I feel compelled to, it's painful. I take a few minutes to adjust to blinding light. My eyelids feel heavy. A deep, unthinking knowledge in the back of my mind tells me to breathe, to wake up, to survive. Survive what? Then I forget the question.

_Commands through screams. Screams of pain. Screams of denial._

What was I thinking?

_Screams of mine._

My eyelids slowly flutter open, strips of my vision cut to pieces by my red eyelashes. Oh, I have eyelashes. Yes I do. I feel something. Like something that has gone from numb to pins and needles. I have fingers. Yes. I flutter them lightly. Pain floods through them. I can feel my hands. I can feel them. They are heavy, so heavy. I feel like giving up, but I feel compelled to move, to wake up.

_And then silence. Again. And remembrance. All is forgotten._

Wake up? I have been asleep?

_A blissful sleep. No pain. No screams._

Asleep. I have been asleep for far too long.

_But too long._

I sit up with a gasp and ripples of pain and muscle cramps rip through every vein in my body as I gasp for air. I glance around. Awake. I am awake.

The Hospital Wing. I had collapsed. And time had passed then. A long time. I feel cramped, almost unnatural.

Crisp white. Emptiness. Silence.

A soft scent. My eyes blearily focus on a white lily, knotted in green ribbon. It looks familiar, but I can't put a finger to it. I pick it up with dothery fingers, shaking, like I've forgotten how to use my hands. I bring the flower to my face and bury my nose into the soft petals, inhaling. And my closed eyes snap open.

Severus.

I remember now. And many faint illusions, of darkness in the night and of lies and screams and pain, and of forgetting all I know, and suddenly I forget it all. The more desperately I try to remember, the further it slips away.

And a chill runs through me.

But I'm alone. All alone.

_Watching me._

I unroll the paper I find attached.

_Dearest Lily,_

_I never meant to hurt you,_

_Those were lies, untrue,_

_I never meant it that way,_

_Please don't go away,_

_I've never had more regret,_

_Please forgive and forget,_

_And I hope for forgiveness,_

_And that I'll have to guess._

_I know I hurt you and restrained you,_

_Which are the worst things I could do,_

_And I know you love James Potter,_

_But I hope for friendship forever,_

_And offer all the brotherly love,_

_Be your guardian angel to watch over you from above._

Snape was never much of a poet anyway, but I don't know how to feel. Should I still be wary of him? Or should I heal our broken bonds?

Perhaps I should just be neither friend nor enemy with him. Maybe just classmates, acquaintances? That's a possibility. I place the flower back onto the table. And let my ears vibrate with a soft noise.

I was wondering where everyone else was. The silence is eerie.

And now I wonder, is it better to realize you are all alone. Or to realize you aren't alone after all.

And personally I believe the latter, judging by the soft dark aura that follows the slow footsteps that near me.


	41. Chapter 41

**Dear Person (reviewer): It's no problem. I nearly laughed when I saw your review. It is my story and I can do what I want, but thanks for your opinion.**

**In other words.**

**Okay. I know. This is a short chapter, and kind of like a filler. But. BUSY~ Yeah, so I'm sorry, I hope this will keep you occupied...**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Chapter 41

_I knew it._

"Hello, Sleeping Beauty," her red lips stretched over a white smile. "How've you been? Little Lily's been asleep for so long, I wondered if she'd ever wake up. I hoped not." Her smile spread wider as she paced around me slowly, her dark curls bouncing on her shoulders. Her long white fingers fiddle with her wand, twirling it round and round. And my wand was nowhere to be found.

"Did you have sweet dreams, my dear Mudblood?" she cackles, and her laugh sends shudders down my spine.

_A reverberating laugh rings in my ear, filled with malicious intention. I'll never forget it._

"Can little Lily recall what happened?" Her grin grows larger.

_A scream I recognize as my own fills my head._

"Don't worry. The pain is over. For now."

_And searing agony ripples in every atom of every cell of every tissue of every part of my body._

"But it was so fun, I enjoyed every second."

_A laughing voice screams, Crucio. Fresh pain._

"I'm so sorry, little Lily. I guess I kind of overdosed you."

_A white pill in my mouth. Bitter. Powdery. And washed down with blood._

"But it doesn't matter now, little Lily."

_Laying back down on comforters, eyes glassy. And they close._

I cannot move.

_And they do not open till sunrise._

"Goodnight."

She raises her wand. Only to scream.

Scarlet lunges herself at her face and rips the skin, leaving long bloody lines on her face. Stiffly, quivering and curved, her fingers come over her face, and her wand never leaves my chest. She peers at me viciously from between long fingers stained with blood. She kicks little Scarlet out of the way. "I'll deal with you later."

Her eyes turn back to me but Scarlet is once again at her, while I am frozen in place, in too much shock to comprehend anything, in too much cramped pain to move to save my life. But my Scarlet protects me better than any dog as she leaves her crimson marks all over her.

Her black robes rip all over, and fresh red stains splutter across smooth skin. She struggles with Scarlet, and finally points her wand at her. "Ava-"

I let her go no further. No one hurts my kitty.

Oh no you don't, Black.

My hand fumbles over the table top, for anything hard, heavy, and the water pitcher feels cool and weighty under my fingers, until it is flung across the room.

Glass crashes and water creates a translucent veil as I arm myself with a glass goblet. My trembling hands are covered in warm blood – I had cut myself on the glass, but the glass goblet, cracked, provided a sharp peak. I tried to scramble out of bed. My knees buckle and I crumple to the ground, breathing heavily. My quivering fingers sting as my skin tips open further.

But there is no need for my weapon. Black lies on the floor, motionless. Scarlet mewls softly and limps tiredly over. I scoop her up and want to cry. Did I just kill a person? I try to erase it from my mind, and to distract myself, I check Scarlet for injuries. She lies, almost limp in my hands. She is barely breathing. No. Scarlet. Scarlet. Don't go. My sweet Scarlet, covered in scarlet, enveloped in scarlet, soon to be taken by scarlet darkness as it clouds above her.

I hear clattering footsteps, but I want to scream. I ignore them.

_My God. My God. Merlin. My little Scarlet. Sweet Scarlet, please don't go. Don't go. Please._

And I'm still begging her as I hear gasps fill the back of my head.

_Please, sweet Scarlet._

As movement rushes around me blindingly.

_Please, my darling._

As voices ring and a warm pair of arms fold around me.

_Please, my little Scarlet._

And as her last breath takes her.

_Please don't go._

James POV:

"Lily! Lily?" Lily is ignoring me, cradling little Scarlet in her hands. Her bleeding hands. Her hair is frazzled, her dress torn, her fingers coated in drying blood, and her wild, wild eyes were filled with impossible pain. Little Scarlet.

My voice fades away, and my arms drop from around her.

Little Scarlet breathes her last.

And I hold Lily as she cries and cries over cold Scarlet, and I want to weep also, but all eyes are on me, and I have no choice but to choke back sobs and hold Lily. We sit there in silence punctuated by broken sobs, before Professor Dumbledore takes me gently by the shoulder.

I stand and leave Lily to be fussed over by Madame Pomfrey.

"Mr. Potter."

I tear my eyes away from Lily, and the sight that imprints itself in my mind shocks me almost into crumpling onto the floor. A Bellatrix Black on the floor. A halo of black curls lying limply on the floor. Her lips are losing colour slowly. Her eyes glassy. She is dead. But how can she be dead. How can she be dead when she is standing right next to me, looking down at herself with amused eyes?


End file.
